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Felt very physically drawn to a man... confused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by sapphiregirl, May 20, 2017.

  1. sapphiregirl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    London, United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    A few days ago I experienced something strange. I was at university with my friend (part of my course is photography). My friend was taking portrait shots of me in the studio for her project - we had the studio to ourselves, but one of the teachers was in another room with a class. After his class ended, we were still there, so my friend asked this teacher if he could help us with the camera settings. He's a professional photographer.

    We were already somewhat familiar with him, as he has occasionally assisted in our class and has taken some of our lectures. Though, he doesn't know me. From what I've experienced, he's a very kind, gentle, creative and intelligent person. There's no denying he's attractive - early forties, wavy mid-length hair, great style and a lovely face.

    Anyway, he helped my friend with the camera. As I was the 'model', he began telling me where to look and suggested a few poses. He adjusted all the lights in the setup and was standing fairly close to me for ages - I suddenly began feeling very drawn to him. Numerous times during the shoot, he came up quite close to me and I felt him looking at me a lot. I don't know why, but I felt such a strong pull towards him. When he was near me, it was like I could actually feel heat rising between us... as if there was fire radiating from my body or something. When we made eye contact, I longed to be so much closer to him - in his embrace, but not really in a sexual way. I know that means nothing, but it just felt intense. Later, I was holding a leaf for the photo, and he again stood so closely in front of me to adjust it. At one point, he touched my face to angle my head so I was looking the right direction and it just felt intense.

    He told me I was doing great as the model, and as he looked at some of the shots with my friend he said they were beautiful. I know it probably means nothing, and I'm probably reading into things like usual. He probably still has no idea who I am. I just can't believe I felt such an intense pull to him and felt so safe near him (when normally around men I feel uncomfortable and on-edge). As we were packing up, my friend left the room and he asked me if I was studying photography too. I answered politely but didn't really know what else to say.

    I can't stop thinking about this, and can't get over how much I wanted him to touch me or embrace me at that moment. I guess I just needed to talk about this because it confuses me whenever I feel such a strong attraction towards someone who: A) isn't a girl; and B) who is a lot older than me.

    Do you think this feeling of there being heat/'feeling a pull' is ever be mutual? I shouldn't wonder, but I did wonder whether he felt it. I still consider myself a lesbian - have any other lesbians here ever felt a kind of attraction/liking towards someone totally unexpected?
     
  2. covert direwolf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2017
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    Location:
    Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi. I'm asexual, and when I was figuring this out, I did a lot of research on what sexual attraction felt like. This heat and feeling a pull that you've described sounds like a lot of what I found. Just because you might be sexually attracted to someone doesn't mean you want to act on it, though, and I don't think you do.

    You can identify how you want to identify, and if you feel like you're still a lesbian, your identity is still valid. What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Some straight girls have a girl crush in their lifetimes, and this might be the case with you; no one is completely, 100% straight or gay. However, sexuality is fluid, and this may be a sign that you are moving on the sexuality spectrum to homoflexible or maybe even bi.

    It's up to you how you choose to interpret this, but those are the options that I could think of. Don't worry too much though, ok? You don't have to label it as anything significant or insignificant if you don't want to.