I've started dating this really cool girl, and we've reached the kissing stage. When she leaned forward to kiss me, my body instinctually jerked away. I did some research, and I think the asexual label fits me. I've never wanted to engage in sexual activity with anyone, and when I masturbate, I either don't fantasize or I do so in the third person. But after coming to this potential realization, I feel sad inside. I'm not enjoying the things I used to as much. I feel kind of depressed, and I don't know why. And I'm wondering if I should tell my girlfriend or wait until I'm 100% sure. Anyone gone through something similiar/anyone have advice?
Hi there. I identify as asexual, and I came to this realization recently as well. It can be a bit depressing because sex is glorified in our society today, and knowing that you simply don't want what some people live for can be disheartening. Being asexual doesn't mean that you can't ever be in love with someone. You can compromise about kissing and/or sex if your partner finds that necessary, but you don't need sex to have emotional intimacy with someone. My advice to you is to embrace who you are. Maybe you could get involved in the asexual community or talk to some people that have gone through similar situations. It's hard, but please remember to love yourself. And about telling your girlfriend, I can't tell you what to do, but I think that honesty is very important in a relationship. No matter how you identify, you don't want to be physically intimate with her, right? That is something that concerns both of you for as long as you are in a relationship, and if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone that can't fully satisfy her physically, you might need to find someone else. Also, telling her how you feel shows that you want to continue to be with her and work out those bumps in the road. Telling her that you still want to make the relationship work will probably make her more confident and sure of the relationship. Lastly, she has probably noticed that you're feeling depressed and will appreciate you telling her what's wrong no matter what it is. Just be you, because being yourself is the only way you will be truly happy. Good luck.
I am not and have never dated anyone purely for this reason. I have always found the idea of a sexual relationship to be repulsive but never thought much about it simply because I'm only fifteen and thought it would change. In the last year or so, i have started to realize that I am different from everyone else; I have no interest in sex or a relationship in general. I definitely understand the depressed feeling. Since I've acknowledged this, I have been extremely depressed most of the time and started thinking very poorly of myself. I'm working on pushing away those feelings with the help of close friends and will admit that it is hard. I suggest telling your girlfriend and even if she wishes to discontinue the relationship, it will hopefully provide you with much necessary support. Good luck!
My partners basically came to the conclusion that I am asexual for me. I would recommend telling your partner as soon as you are ready to. In my experience, it isn't uncommon for partners to take it personally and they end up thinking there is something wrong with them. I am in the middle of dealing with this in my current relationship and it is a huge struggle. I often feel depressed because I see the emotional toll it takes on him, I feel pressured to be sexual, and I also feel judged if I hold my ground. It is a struggle, but I think you should discover what your boundaries are and then share with any potential partners.
I've gone through the wondering if I'm asexual state. A lot of social situations make me feel very uncomfortable, in particular most involving a potential partner because it's a situation I'm very unfamiliar and inexperienced with. I'm still trying to figure myself out. It's possible I am asexual, as I've known men I've loved, but not been comfortable going further than friends with them, though I still don't know if that was out of that fear of the unknown, or just a lack of interest in sex. I can totally understand though why the thought that you are asexual can feel like a miserable and lonely existence, as sex is such an enormous part of a relationship for the majority of people, especially if they're straight and want kids. It may be worth talking to your girlfriend about it. If you are asexual, she may be able to help you work that out and help you feel less pressured. If you're not, then she may be able to help with that too, maybe a change of approach, some space etc. She will I'm guessing notice a change in your behaviour, and that will likely end up making her think a huge range of scenarios involving either of you are going on.
