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Coming out as trans to friends

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mihael, May 17, 2017.

  1. Mihael

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    So I wanted to come out on the go, so to say, but there are no suitable talks, there's just no good moments, the topic doesn't come up in any form. How do I come out? I don't want to make fuss either... is it even a good idea? I sort of want to be publicly out? Like it is no secret... I just don't know how to go about it.
     
  2. kodiakruble

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    You are trans and coming out with a gender is a lot different than a sexuality. There is many ways to come out. If you are too scared to do it in person make a group chat and tell them all about it. Or maybe you could just say something like "Hi I need to tell you something".
     
  3. DarkWhite

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    Hi first off I would like to apologize for my previous behavior. I was damn stressed out but still I had no right to do it. So I'm sorry I was an idiot.

    I can't blame if you don't wanna my advice. But if you're interested. I had the same problem so I solved it the most straight way. I walked up to my friends and said that I want to become a boy. They weren't that surprised. I confronted them separately tho.

    Since you say it's no secret and if your friends are nice it should be fine. They'll propably need some to get used that thought tho.
     
  4. Mihael

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    No I'm not scared. Not this time. The first time, I was dying out of fear... But I don't any longer.It turned out to be okay. Ups and downs were there obviously but nothing dramatic happened or can happen if I think about it. I have the worst coming outs behind me tbh. Ugh, I just struggle with finding the right moment.

    I almost said it today to be honest, because, like it frequently happens, yet another person called me a man and then he was like "ummm sorry". I actually had a good laugh because I was the only girl in there and what that friend of mine turned out to suggest that I'm the most masculine guy in the whole group, lol. I was just about to say that no I'm not offended, I actually feel like a man and let's end those never ending unnatural apologies when stuff like that happens. It does, every now and then. The number of strange situations is growing. Rapidly. The post would get real lengrhy if I were to describe them all.

    Anyway, those people I don't know came just when I was about to tell it.

    I don't know if the situation isn't a bit awkward already. Because I pretty much look and behave like a guy, and I say stuff that points to how I identify... I don't know if it's not like everyone already picked up on it, looking at the way they relate to me.

    Apologies accepted :slight_smile:

    Yeah, it looks like there is no other way than "fuss making".
     
  5. DarkWhite

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    Well when it comes to "fuss making" it heavily depends on people you tell. But I don't think screaming it when you are in group is a good idea. Mainly in guy group, personaly I think it would be harder for them to accept. Because they'll lose their chance with you.

    But that doesn't mean it can't go well. Like I said it depends on each person attitude.

    Glad to hear you're not scared. Fear wouldn't help you anyway. xd So wish you good luck whenever you decide to come out :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 18th May 2017 at 11:29 PM ----------

    Oh forgot to say. Thanks for accepting my apology. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Sebby45

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    I just came out to a friend and I found that just taking that break in a conversation works. Just jump right in there. That is the best I can suggest. I know it is hard to find the right moment, period. Besides, maybe right now is not a good time if all these situations are arising. Maybe holding off just a little bit longer is all that is needed to get your chance.

    Good luck man.

    Sebby45
     
  7. Kodo

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    Yeah, it is a bit of a different conversation to come out as trans than gay. But like others have said, you just have to resolve to do it when the right opportunity arises.

    What I did to come out to my oldest brother was to force myself into telling him. We were playing chess and talking late one night and I was trying to find an opening. When I lost the game I remarked I was sorry that I played poorly, because I was distracted. When he asked by what I had to tell him. After I delivered the initial news I showed him the video buy youtuber uppercaseCHASE1 which was directed toward family or friends of a trans person.

    With my parents I was more calculated with my coming out, and wrote a long letter explaining it. I gave it to them on New Years of 2016. At unfortunately went terribly, but alas I am still alive.

    Do what works for you in your given situations, taking into consideration who you are telling. Make sure to think through how they may react, given what you know about their temperaments and beliefs. You'll get through it.
     
  8. Rickystarr

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    All I have to say is I totally get where you're coming from because your reasons are my exact reasons for waiting to come out as trans. Tbh, my first thoughts of "I'm trans" were about 5-6 years ago and I waited until this year to say anything. I never wanted to be special or weird or treated differently, I never wanted to make a fuss, and I thought people could just kind of assume I wasn't female because of the way I dressed/acted. But nope. A lot of people were pretty surprised.

    I wouldn't expect anyone to just "figure it out". Even after I started hormones and my voice dropped 1.5 octaves I had people who didn't believe it after they heard about it. I definitely wouldn't expect anyone to jump to any conclusions if you aren't even making any changes. Even people who know about trans stuff are unlikely to assume you are trans unless you say so. IME people will write off a lot of behavior as normal, especially if you are a transman because we tend to fly under the radar. People forget we exist.
     
  9. Mihael

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    I'll go into more detail in response to your replies later. Now I just wanted to say that while the way I feel is as it is, I'm also not sure if I like the kind of masculinity my fellas present or the way they comprehend masculinity so I might end up just telling them I'm bi so that we could talk about girls and stuff, which I'm not sure if they can comprehend either. One friend of mine who knows about both things, and is himself enby by my judgement, but I'm not sure if he realises, concluded that I'm a lesbian. Duh. Just because he's gay... Anyway, I think I'm at a pretty good spot socially too, because I showed sufficient degree of coolness so far and gained some respect - image adjustment went a long way (yeah, I used to present a lot more femme)... damn, I keep on arguing with myself.

    I just had a dysphoria outburst (?) a few days ago and I was like... let's do anything. I'm so much on the fence all the time. Sometimes I just get into these thought circles and I don't know what's going on and then I go "dang it, I can't stand being taken for a girl all the time, it's so annying" and want to do something about it and then I back off like now... On the other hand it's just so much tension to not be open about it. Ugh. Maybe I will just tell them for the sake of being able to be open about things. It's not like you come out and poof they put you into the other box, it's not, it's more like you can express what you want in this aspect more or have an honest conversation or a laugh.
     
  10. Mihael

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    I think it must be a subconscious thing that they seem like they know, but they don't. They might subconsciously pick up on it, hence the strange comments, but then rationalise it away or plain don't want to offend me. Yeah, a lot can go under the radar... I'm not sure what wouldn't tbh if me plain getting sirred from time to time does.

    Yeah it looks like there are no good chances... I have to make one. Uuuugh :/

    Thanks everyone