Hey guys :smilewave I'm 21 years old guy, just new on this forum. I've been struggling to truly understand my sexual orientation recently. I get strong crushes mostly on men. However, unfortunately I'm mainly sexually attracted (but not romantically) to women. I thought maybe it wasn't a big deal, but I really can't orgasm without thinking of myself with a woman. This sucks because I don't get really strong butterflies in my stomach like I have with some men. I really like being around men and dating men and hugging and cuddling with men. For me it's more soft caresses and moonlight with men more, if that makes sense. Altough I'm "sexually attracted" to girls, it doesn't mean I'm sexually excited having sex with a woman. Rather I have struggle to enjox sex with women. When I look at pictures of hot girls or guys in real life, I don't get sexually aroused. (Like an erection). As u know that I'm only sexually attracted to women, I'm only turned on by women's feet more than any other part of their body. I find vaginas utterly repulsive (honestly the most penises I find also repulsive -but not all penises-), and I just don't feel interested in having a romantic relationship with a woman. But I find having anal sex with a man also very utterly repulsive, and it is a biggest turn off for me (I find even the idea of anal sex between two men to be disgusting.) I don't get erections from merely looking directly at pictures of hot guys or girls, but respond pretty quickly to touch and/or kisses. Guess I'm one of those guys that foreplay is what gets me excited. If I activly think of someone in a romantically situation then I get aroused, but just a photo, sexual or not, of a nude man/woman doesn't do it for me.
Hi, I think I understand some parts of what you are saying. Quite clearly you don't like porn which is totally fine. Lots of people don't. Maybe your affections for men are more of an admiration thing. The singer - Robbie Williams always said that he got crushes on men, but men's private parts were a big turn off. As for vaginas, some straight guys simply use it as a place to put their dick. They don't do oral. I myself love foreplay and lots of people are happy having a sex life in that way. I work with a gay guy who doesn't enjoy anal sex, so he and his boyfriend do everything but that. I suppose it is just what people like. What I am unsure of is that; whether you are interested in pursuing sexual relations with either sex?
Hey Duff, thanks for your reply . Oh, that's a good question. I suppose yes and no, it will be very difficult to pursuing sexual activity or relations with a woman, because I can't enjoy sex with a woman. But for example if it is having sex with a woman only for making a baby, yes maybe it can (how difficult it can be). With men I think it is something different. If it is pursuing romantically relations and activities, yes, it can be. But not in sexual way (like anal sex etc.)
I understand you can pursue romantic relationships, but do you mean you don't want to pursue any sexual relations with men at all or just anal sex?
Anal sex is just a type of sex, just like oral sex. There are so many people who don't enjoy anal sex. I know from friends that when they have been on hook-up sites, people will ask what they are looking for. So basically you might say mutual masturbation and oral sex just as an example. Not saying you have to say that. So you and your bootie call decide what you wanna do beforehand and you both know that anal sex won't take place. My work colleague is gay and he and his boyfriend don't have it. They just do the foreplay thing as their sex and it is good enough. I don't see a problem with that. I wonder if your confusion comes from being attracted to men, but not desiring anal sex, like your "average" man who has sex with other men. I also wonder if you appreciate a woman's beauty when you see it, but when it comes down to it, having sex with one is not appealing. I myself am gay. I look at a man and am sure that I am fully sexually attracted to men in every way. However, I can look at a woman and say she is beautiful or sexy. I can say she has a great ass or rack. But I just don't want to take her to bed. I just appreciate her assets. Do you think I am getting a little closer to your thoughts behind your confusion?
Hey do you think perhaps you have some sort of internalised homophobia? It's quite common even once people have admitted their same sex attraction to almost have negative associations with gay sex?
Exactly Breanna. I think It is possible for me to love and feel desire for other men without wanting anal sex (I dont like giving it and I hate recieving it. It hurts and just does not feel natural and isn't enjoyable for me.) Honestly, I don't really like sex and its something that I'm not embarrassed about. I'm not hardly sexual at all. I think there's quite a lot more to gay relationships than pursuing sexual relations (like anal or oral sex etc.) So I don't enjoy giving/receiving blowjobs (ie. oral sex). ---------- Post added 15th May 2017 at 03:15 PM ---------- Yes Duff, I made bold above the sentences that looks familiar to me
Hello Silverhalo. No I don't think so, the other way I feel more comfortable around gay men instead of straight men and girls. One of the things that struck me in most cases is that straight guys behave more aggressively than gay guys, and there are straight guys who stares at me sometimes with the blends of “ intimidated and angry” looks (especially when they're with their girlfriend or partner). I feel alone and left out by my friends in a group. I suppose probably one of the reasons why I'm left out by my friends in a group is I didn't talk about girls, or I didn't have a girlfriend. I'm a sensitive guy (like a lot of gay men), I think therefore gay men can understand me very well. Fortunately we have gay bars in Amsterdam, hopefully I'll make many friends there (and fortunately I'm a sociable guy) If I'm really born this way (as a gay man. And of course I'm not sure) I will be forever grateful, and will not complain about my sexual orientation. However as I mentioned above about anal sex: "(...) hurts and just does not feel natural and isn't enjoyable for me" So I don't think so that I have some sort of internalised homophobia
This is my greatest obstacle why I can't now consider myself to be a gay man (but at least asexual biromantic or homoromantic?). Sexually I'm not attracted to men, but rather in a romantic way. Sexually I'm attracted to girls, but it is from a different perspective. For example if I see a hot girl I'm not thinking immediately like "I want to do her", or if a girl stares at me in sexual or sensual way like "a night together?", it is sweet, but I don't get strong butterflies in my stomach.
Awesome well that's definitely a good thing. . I don't think it matters if you don't like anal sex. Sure it might put someone off but then he just isn't the guy for you.
I can relate to your post completely but now I am 55 in June on the 19th. I am married to a woman now. I am a grandpa too of 4 lovely kids. When I read the original post you described me pretty close. It has been a life long struggle but I have made many great friends mostly male. Thanks for posting Anatolian.
Hi Anatolian, I would define sexual attraction, as something a person feels when they want to engage in sex with whomever it is they desire. You say that you are sexually attracted to women and say you don't want to have sex with them in the same paragraph. I think, it is important that you don't rush to label yourself as gay/bi etc. But, it does seem to me that this forum is helping you a little. Still here to help if you need
Hi. This is just a suggestion but have you tried looking into romantic orientation separately to sexual? It sounds to me like you might be heterosexual, bi romantic. That's just a guess but from how you described your experiences it sounds like it may be easier to define both separately.
Hello Novena. That's a good point, Indeed I'm the type that loves romance, cuddling, and all that mushy stuff towards attractive guys. I'm currently not romantically into girls. Cuddling with girls I feel like a "father" . Therefore I'm skeptical about the definition of "heterosexual bi romantic". But it could be, and I will keep open the possibility.
Hey Duff, Thank you for all the supportive comments and for your help! I'm grateful (*hug*) Duff, it seems my understanding of sexual attraction was some different. According to my understanding of the sexual attraction= want to engage in sexual intercourse (so for example anal and oral sex etc. as I mentioned earlier) with a specific other person. I was wrong :dry: :icon_bigg . So I just searched for the definition of "sexual attraction", and I found that "fantasies" is also included. Look what I found, it states as follows: Sexual attraction: "Seeing someone and not only finding them attractive, but thinking you'd like to have sex with them, like fantasies and such. It's attraction to another person that at it's end wants to be physically intimate, as opposed to being attracted to someone in a way where you think, "I'd like to get to know them" or "I want to be their best friend" or "I want to be close to that person". " - end. source: What is 'Sexual attraction'? - Questions about Asexuality - Asexual Visibility and Education Network This is compatible with my feelings towards guys with whom I find handsome or attractive. To be quite honest, I'm a shy guy (in these cases) :icon_redf .. But when I fantasize about handsome guys before I sleep I became aroused (like erection), but getting aroused (like erection) when I fantasize about girls it doesn't happen. My fantasies about handsome guys is not sexual penetration (especially anal sex. As I said mentioned earlier it's my biggest turn off), but more like french kiss, or giving/receiving love, smell his neck. What do you think dear people? Is it compatible with my feelings?
Well to simply put it, it seems you are gay. You just hate the idea of anal sex. Lots of gay guys don't like it for the reasons such as; finding it painful, hygene factors and just something they don't want to do. I suppose it's the same as me really hating the idea of being fisted or pissed on. But, there are gay guys that do like it. Maybe you are making things more confusing and difficult for yourself than necessary. Perhaps if you see that sexually, you like boys and girls aren't giving you an erection. All signs point to being gay. As for enjoying the cuddling with a man. That just means one day you will make a wonderful boyfriend
Judging from your last few posts, I'd agree with duff0286. You do sound gay, unless only being attracted to men isn't gay. Congrats Peace hope love awesomeness kittens and world domination.
