About 2 years ago, I moved out of my parents house because I felt like I was walking on eggshells all day, avoiding talking about my gender identity and sexual orientation. Back in January, I finally got the courage to say something, and the conversation since then has been...lack-luster. Most days they ignore it. Some days, they want me to know that everything is alright. And other days, one or the other of them will make it pretty clear that they either don't believe me, that they want this to be a phase, or that I'd be making a mistake to pursue things further. My dad in particular has been negative lately, feeling some personal resentment that I have been using another name socially. Well, I'm a full time student. And I've been fighting it for months now, but I just can't make ends meet any more. Our apartment is too small to bring in a third person to help pay the rent, and even if we could, I can't think of anyone else I know who I would be comfortable sharing space with. It's looking more and more like I have to move back in with my parents. And much sooner than I thought, our lease is up at the end of the month. They'll let me move back in, but I'm just really uncomfortable with this whole situation. They are having a really hard time wrapping their heads around all of this, and I can't pretend to be cis and straight any more. It's getting too exhausting. I really need to find a way to start transitioning because the dysphoria is getting really bad, and I can't deal with the weight of it any more - but I know that moving back, those plans will have to go on hold because they won't be able to deal with the changes, and if I manage to get back out again into someplace cheaper, those plans will have to go on hold because I can't afford anything. Anyone else have experience being reliant on the help of not-quite-supportive parents? I'm only in school for one more year, and hopefully after that I can get back on my feet, but the thought of navigating this situation for another year is exhausting in and of itself. I'm surprised that hearing casual comments like "you were supposed to be a girl" or "there's something dangerous about people that want to change their sex" doesn't hurt more, but it is immensely awkward.
It seems like they just need some time to accept this. It has been less than a semester since you told them so they may not have wrapped their heads around the idea of your gender. As long as they don't become aggressive or start psychologically attacking you, you should try to make things work out. Bear in mind that these are big news and not all parents are as accepting as others, as long as they do not outright reject you there is hope for a better future.
Hi, This is a huge deal. You have to look at things from their side too. They had a boy, who they raised and loved who tells them he feels that he is unsure of his identity as a male. It must be absolutely astonishing for them. Yet they haven't disowned you. While they make comments, it is their way of dealing with it. I am not saying it is a nice way of dealing with it and hopefully they realise that you can't help how you feel. This is who you are and trying to change is unfair. However, something like this is going to hurt them and you have to understand that you are going to have to weather the storm. By allowing you back home shows they still love you. Maybe being there is a blessing in disguise. Perhaps they will take the opportunity to know who the real you is and learn acceptance that way. I really feel for you. But, ultimately you'd like your parent's support and acceptance and this might be the best and most horrifying way of getting it. Just bare in mind that it's obvious they still love you, despite the mean things they say. They're just hurting. Maybe you can calmly express your hurt at their commenrs too and how hard this is for you. I wish you nothing but the best
Actually, It's the other way around, which I think is even more astonishing for them! Especially so when I was raised with a lot of very positive, "girls can do anything!" 90's talk. And especially for my dad, who still has a hard time wrapping his head around gender and sexuality, and can't seem to get that I can like guys, and also identify as a guy, despite being dfab. But yeah, you're both right. They definitely need more time to come to terms with things, and to understand. It's just stressful I guess because I don't know what to expect. Some days everything's ok, and other days, eggshells...and more numerous than before...
