I had previously posted athread about my situation with a guy who appears closeted and has a girlfriend. I received some very useful advice. Since then I took a holiday (the guy was offended when I went away without telling him and was desperately trying to find out what he should do to make me happy), had a good time and started by creating a distance from him gradually. It is impossible not to run into him as I live in a small town. I see him only once a week now and am trying my best to date someone (although unsuccessful so far). However he is still very nice to me whenever we see each other and sometimes comes on really close and it is very clear to me that he is attracted. he makes comments like 'you smell good' and when I wear a tight shirt that shows off my physique I can feel his attraction. he even commented that I look better than him. He compliments me and sometimes touches me on the shoulder, arm etc. I feel he flirts with me to maintain the connection or he feels he needs to do this to make me happy! However I do not take all this seriously as I do not want to be drawn into him. I feel he is struggling with his attraction and can't control himself. My problem is this. He mentions to me that he will be away for a week on a holiday or is going on a weekend away. Although he never says he is going with his girlfriend it is obvious. At that time I can't help but feel a pang of envy/ jealousy and extreme loneliness. I feel bad that he can have a gf and go away on holidays while I am struggling to even get a dtae (despite doing everything mentioned in the posts here- looking after self, staying positive, support groups, going out more). I am shy and introverted and so socialising is a bit of a pain but then that is who I am. professionally i am well settled. I restrict my dealings with him as much as I can but it is impossible to notice his absence when he is away. Is this natural? Are there any other ways for me to get over this? I feel like I want to flaunt a boyfriend in front of him. I know it is childish but would give me a temporary high! I would really value advice from EC users please as I feel really low at the moment.
Easier said than done, but let him go. You are only hurting yourself and impeding your ability to find someone better. Time to let go.
You have feelings for somebody who is still questioning his sexuality, which is a risky proposition. The fact that you feel jealous when he's with his girlfriend and want to flaunt a BF tells me that you aren't really over him. You could try and respond to his next advance and see how he responds, with the caveat that his behavior is likely to be erratic. Otherwise you need to get over him, which is easier said than done until you have a BF. As for dating - I tried different meetups, groups, and hookup/dating sites until I found the mix that worked for me. Different groups and sites appeal to different types of guys, so you need to find a group or site geared for shy and introverted types. Best to experiment with different ones until you find something that works. HTH
He appears to be in deep denial or at least repressed. He is extremely sensitive to anything I say and tries to make me smile and laugh when ever he can. He says stuff like 'I care for you' and 'I will be upset if you are hurt' etc. He will never mention anything about his gf as he knows I will be upset. He is scared of being seen with me in public and will not go for a date with me either. It is true I haven't completely got over him. It is difficult when despite your best efforts to remain distant, he tries to humour you and keep you happy. It may be that he feels he is sexually attracted but not romantically attracted to me despite the fact that when I learned he had a gf I was upset and he had tears in his eyes thinking it is all over. That was many months ago. Since then he has made efforts to get back to where we where. But after the break I took, he is more flirty with me and even told me stuff like he is the one (said to me 'I am the one' - meaning him). whenever he comes back from a weekend /holiday with his gf he makes it a point to entertain me by playing my favourite music and creating a flirty environment. So it is very confusing. thanks for the info about dating. I am trying and will continue to try till I hopefully find someone. Sometimes one feels pessimistic. I am usually very optimistic as I have overcome a lot in life.. ---------- Post added 12th May 2017 at 03:42 PM ---------- the other reason is that I don't have anyone else in my life at the moment and I feel that something is better than nothing! The sad part is I do not even know he is gay although he did not deny but said something on the lines of being attracted to both sexes.
the feelings won't disappear overnight. just keep doing what you're doing and keep a safe distance. try and keep yourself together and stand your ground whenever he's around. mingle with other friends or meet new people. maybe even get a new hobby to get your mind off him. if you have the means, travel as much as you can. little by little, you're stripping him of the powers he has over you. until the day you're finally from him. one day at a time.
I'd forget him now, hes stringing you along and you deserve better. Dont be a mug and waste years of your life on him. Your better off totally on your own than spending time with him.
I agree with what everyone above said but would add that you both appear to be using each other to fill voids in your lives. It sounds like you are consciously choosing to continue to participate in this entanglement. If you can come to realize that you are an equal participant and not a victim then you will have clarity and power to made whatever decision you choose.
I think Poppy43 is offering good advice, although I appreciate how difficult it is to behave rationally when you are so strongly attracted to him. But there will be other nice guys out there who are right for you AND able to commit to their attraction and to you.
I have admitted that I don't have anyone else so something is better than nothing. I agree I am attempting to fill the void. But what void does he have to fill? I am hoping to meet someone who will be able to commit to their attraction for me. It is difficult in the gay world - atleast that is what I feel from my experience so far.
Hey Pole star, I can't fix your problem, but I can tell you that you are far from ALONE. I can only give you my 2cents as a Bi guy. Gay guys are NOT alone in having crushes on people that don't return those feelings. From my own experience, straight/bi guys have VERY strong crushes on women that don't return those feelings. So please don't feel like a martry because of your sexuality or your situation. The reality is that we have to move on. And, frankly, once you move on you open yourself up to a new (and potentially more rewarding) relationship. Just saying....
