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How do I ask someone out?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Naos210, May 9, 2017.

  1. Naos210

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    I know, it should probably be as simple as "will you go out with me?" But, if that was the case, why is it so hard? I've only asked people twice, and I ended up doing it through social media because I was too scared. My anxiety got in the way. I got a no the first time. The second time, she said yes. Well, she would have, if she didn't happen to be moving away soon afterwards. So, I haven't officially dated anyone before. The senior ball's later this week, and I was hoping I could ask someone (I wouldn't really go otherwise, I don't know anyone that is going, as most of the people I know are younger than me). I just fear rejection a lot. Granted, she seems respectful enough, but I'm still afraid she'll go around telling everyone if she says no. Especially since, I like her quite a bit. Funny thing is, it took time. I knew her for about a year+ before feelings just came out of nowhere. Her spunky personality, her smile (I don't know why, I think braces are cute), she doesn't give off this vibe of just tolerance and oddly enough, she's the only girl I've liked who hasn't been white (I assume so anyway, her last name and skin tone would indicate Hispanic/Latino descent).

    I just don't want to get rejected again. I was already at the point of giving up. I guess my question more is "should I?" rather than "how I?".
     
    #1 Naos210, May 9, 2017
    Last edited: May 9, 2017
  2. Creativemind

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    Rejection is always going to be a part of life, but if you don't do it at all you might miss opportunities.

    I say go for it.
     
  3. Naos210

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    Yeah, maybe. I was asking her if she was going. Turns out she was. I said I wasn't. She said I should. And apparently, according to some people, saying that I should go, was a hint, I guess?
     
  4. Lexington

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    You can always do some fishing. Asking "Are you going to the dance?" was a good move, as you got some info right away - she IS planning on going. But it's still unspoken whether or not she has a date...and if she'd be interested in you being her date if she doesn't.

    So feel free to cast your line out again. "I'm interested in going, but I'm not sure I want to go if I don't have a date. And right now, I don't." Or feel free to ask her if SHE has a date lined up.

    Lex
     
  5. Naos210

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    Well, she said she was just going with a friend. So she has a "date", but it appears to be platonic. But eh, maybe I'll try. Doesn't have to be for the dance, it can be otherwise, and we don't graduate till the 26th.
     
    #5 Naos210, May 10, 2017
    Last edited: May 10, 2017
  6. BostonStranger

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    I know that feeling all too well. I had quite a bit of social anxiety back in high school. Like with most things, it gets easier the more you do it. It also helps to not make it more important than it really is. A lot of people imagine a whole future together before they've even talked to them. That puts tremendous pressure on them to make the first move, causing anxiety. My advise, just ask her out, either face-to-face or on social media. Like us Dutchies say: 'You have a no, a yes you can get.' And if she says no, then well... you'll feel bad for a while, but at least you'll be able to move on.
     
  7. Naos210

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    Moving on is a bit more difficult for me. It can take a long time for me to move on, depending on the person. And yeah... considering how much I've actually came to like her, that could take even as long as years. At least, I think so. And getting your first romantic partner in your 20s would be pretty embarrassing. And yes, a future was imagined, but that all took place in dreams. So you know, not in my control.