So for those of you that have read my other posts, you'll see that I've been denying who I am for way to long and it's been affecting me through anxiety/panic attacks. Although I feel that I am miles away from coming out, I have started to think about my sexuality. A small part of denying who I am is related to the sexual aspect of being in a relationship with another man. Although I am attracted to men I have no desire to sleep with them, or even see them naked for that matter. I know for some this seems strange and others may see that as part of me denying who I am. Whenever I've thought about a guy I liked it's only ever to the point of thinking their cute and that it'd be nice to cuddling up and fall asleep in their arms. The furtherest my fantasy has ever got is to thinking about a guy with his shirt off but that's it. In summary, a minor part of me not wanting to come out is around the fact that I wouldn't want a full on relationship with a guy. Basically telling myself there's no point in coming out as you'll never find a guy that wants to just cuddle. Just for information, I've never been attracted to girls. What's your thoughts?
Hi there ! I think I understand the whole situation but is there a specific reason why you don't want to sleep/pursue a "full on relationship" with a guy while you are attracted to guys ? Do you feel disgusted by the idea or sthg else ?
I feel u, i became in anxious because denying who i really am but maybe you're an asexual gay? I mean you like emotionally them but u don't like them sexually. Well, i'm lesbian but i'm kinda flexible sometimes, but my team are girls more than anything, you shouldn't deny your taste, it is beautiful express that you like the sex that u like
Like Danyboy said, you can be emotionally attracted to men, but not sexually. As for myself, it was difficult for me to fantasise about same-sex intimacy at first, because I grew up in a heteronormative, albeit very progressive, environment. It took self-acceptance and embracement of my sexuality before I finally could.
I'm not sure of the exact reason, it doesn't really appeal to me and the thought is just uncomfortable. ---------- Post added 8th May 2017 at 11:56 PM ---------- Being asexual is a possibility but just gives me another reason not to come out. The thought of having sex with a women doesn't bother me although I've never done it but at the same time I don't have the desire to either. ---------- Post added 8th May 2017 at 11:57 PM ---------- I agree as I've grown up in the same sort of environment and this could be the cause.
I don't know if it's denial, or buried shame actually, but I think it would be worth talking it through with a counsellor/therapist who has a track record with LGBT clients. The reason I believe it's shame is because you have no issues with the idea of having sex with a woman, even though you personally have never been attracted to women, but when it comes to men (who you are attracted to) you hit a wall. What is that wall and why is it there? These are the questions to explore.
I agree a lot with what other have mentioned. And a therapist might actually help you to explore whether or not this "cuddle attraction" is truly just part of who you are (and that is perfectly fine) or that it's linked to something more or something else. For me, I always fantasizes about girls but didn't lust after them in the sense of wanting sex until I met someone who was so amazing and wonderful as a person that she awakened a desire for more with her specifically. I don't sit and think about going down on women (or men) for that matter in a general sense. But I absolutely do dream of and get turned on by the thought of being with her (or the memory of our last encounter) and having that experience with her. So it could also be that you're someone who will need an emotional connection or attachment to want to go further - which I think is totally healthy and fine.
Absolutely have to second this advice. While I won't assume your label OP, written out you definitely sound gay and as completely so as can be. You're attracted to guys and have romantic desire for guys, and you don't find women attractive at all. You wouldn't mind having sex with a woman but you don't actually desire it, so that more says that you think sex with a woman is more acceptable than anything else. So the question really is simply why are you stuck against the idea of having sex with men? It reminds me ever so slightly of myself when I was 19 and first starting to have sex with guys. I was always into the sex but not the romance. Anyway, there were things I wanted to do and then things that I refused, like kissing, because I guess I saw it as too intimate a thing, too "gay" or whatever, and thus not something I was interested in pursuing. Sometimes our comfort levels just take time to build, but you have to want to work past the barriers.
Thank you all for your responses, I think talking it through with someone would be the best option. If i ever do come out and meet a guy that I fall in love with then my views may change. I guess it's all down to desire and who you fall in love with. At the moment I'm a long way off coming out so maybe l need to work on that first.
