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What kind of contact is friendly and what is more...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by starmotive, May 5, 2017.

  1. starmotive

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    Ever since high school my friends and I have always shared drinks and food without second thought. As we've gotten older, I've noticed some of these friends become more averse to sharing food with me and me with them. I've always thought it was because these friends were in relationships and now they *only* shared food with them. But the more I think about it, is sharing food considered a somewhat 'intimate' activity? To put it bluntly we are technically sharing spit and germs...

    Can actions such as leaning on someone's shoulder be considered more than platonic? I've always been super comfortable leaning on all my high school friends' shoulders even though I didn't have feelings for them. And now I actively do it with the girl I have a crush on (she's one of the high school friends) as a way of kind of flirting I guess? Like I do if I'm tired or something (which in my opinion is acceptable for friends?) but I also go out of my way to lean on her, be close to her for no reason at all. But at the same time I'm super uncomfortable leaning on my university friends' shoulders. I don't know if it's because I'm not that close friends with them or whether it's because they're in relationships and I feel weird doing something so 'intimate' with them. Is leaning on someone's shoulder an 'intimate' thing or does it just depend on how comfortable you are with the person?

    Also, what is considered too long for a platonic hug? While saying bye to my crush friend we had two back to back hugs which were definitely 'too long' to just be friendly but I didn't feel like she was uncomfortable with it. Whereas I hugged a somewhat close platonic friend today and I had no idea how long to make the hug last but I'm pretty sure it bordered on too long? I'm a hugger by nature but I don't look like I like hugs so I guess that always surprises people a bit...
     
  2. Najlen

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    I think it really depends on the person. My best friend does a lot of things that could be considered romantic, like kissing my forehead and really long hugs, and we lean on each other's shoulders or stand with our arms around each other sometimes. It's not romantic in any way shape or form, it's just how we interact with each other. My other close friends are not quite as physically intimate with me, but we still do some of those things. Some people are really comfortable with touching and being touched, whether it's romantic or otherwise, and some people are not. I can see it changing somewhat as people get older or depending on whether they're in relationships. I also think it can be a regional thing- In the area I grew up in people generally weren't comfortable with stuff like that, I barely ever even hugged my best friend at that time. But in the place I live now people tend to be physically closer with their friends. If your university friends are from somewhere different than you it could be something like that.
     
  3. starmotive

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    If anything I think my university friends are more touchy feely than my high school friends and I. My university friends are physically closer with each other than they are with me, whether it be because they know each other better or because there's some sort of barrier due to my ethnic background I don't know. I'm not saying that my friends are racist, but I get that there's a certain unknown ground when getting to know people of a different background.

    My high school friends and I are mostly from visible minorities and grew up in households where physical affection wasn't overly present. Things like hugs and kisses were mainly reserved for special occasions and any other form of physical contact was usually in the form of punishment.

    I feel like because of my upbringing I'm somewhat stunted in social settings...
     
  4. Jax12

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    It really depends on you and the person. With friends, a quick hug or handshake is basically all I do (guy and girl). I feel like it's also different with girls because LGBT or not, girls can still be quite affectionate towards each other.

    My fam isn't very expressive in terms of physical affection, so I think that's also why I'm not very affectionate with anyone until I get to know them first. Even then, the times that I've leaned on someone's shoulders or gave someone a kiss is because I liked them in a romantic way.

    Some people are more touchy than others I suppose, and vice versa.