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Sexual arousal

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Justasking100, May 4, 2017.

  1. Justasking100

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    Is sexual arousal about a certain gender a good indication of your orientation? What are the key things to look for when coming to a conclusion about your orientation, is it what turns you on i.e. Gives you a stirring in your loins? I have that stirring about women but not men but still worry that I'm gay.

    I say this as I'm still worried I'm in denial about my sexuality but the thought of being with big with a guy has never given me sexual arousal. In my 38 years the thought of being with a man has never unless I play with myself (sorry if too much info) given me an erection. I would have thought that at some point being sexual with a guy would turn me on naturally if I wad gay.

    Or is it possible to hide your orientation from yourself for so long that the thought of Benin g a guy doesn't give you the stirring in your loins.

    ---------- Post added 4th May 2017 at 03:27 AM ----------

    I've read somewhere that your sexuality is essentially what you fantised about as a teenager and during puberty. Is this largely true?
     
    #1 Justasking100, May 4, 2017
    Last edited: May 4, 2017
  2. PatrickUK

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    Sexual arousal is a good indicator, but it's not the only indicator and there are a number of variables to consider too.

    Society permits us to experience feelings for the opposite sex and it follows that we can just 'give in' and go with those feelings with little concern, or fear of judgement, but the same is not true for same sex attraction, even in a liberal, western democracy. There are still pockets of homophobia in the UK and other Western European countries and all of that seeps in to our subconscious mind and can have a numbing effect on our libido.

    Fear, shame or distress about same sex attraction can certainly have an impact and may suppress ones ability to achieve an erection. There is nothing worse than stress for killing desire and all those difficult, internalised feelings are a manifestation of stress.

    I think it's important to pay attention to all of the things that stimulate us, including visual and mental clues, i.e. images and fantasies. We may not always get a stirring in our boxers from these things, but it does confirm something about our sexual preference.

    At this stage you are questioning your sexuality, but have you gone beyond questioning and fantasy to discover some answers? In a sexual situation with another guy it is likely that you would respond and experience some level of arousal, simply because the body will do what it was designed to do. Would you enjoy it though? Well, that's another question entirely and one that may only be answered afterwards.
     
  3. Justasking100

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    I have experimented a little with mixed results. For example I was with one guys in a shower and I felt weird and had to get out of there. I didn't like his hardon pressed up against me and had to get out of the situation quickly. I find my initial reaction to gay thoughts one of disgust rather than arousal thought I can jerk off about a guy it doesn't necessarily come naturally to me i.e. I have a thought, get sroused and jerk off. It's more I need to do this to see how I feel and feels a little forced.

    ---------- Post added 4th May 2017 at 04:00 AM ----------

    Also if I was gay and was suppressing it it's unlikely that women would give e the stirring response surely. I would just have no response at all.
     
  4. Justasking100

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    Let's just say I've never had a problem getting aroused with a woman by I did have a problem getting aroused with a man and when I did and afterwards I felt very ashamed. I wouldn't say it came very naturally to me.
     
  5. OGS

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    I have to say this doesn't really speak much to me in either direction, the main reason being that it comports pretty exactly with the experience of so many gay men I know before they became comfortable with being gay...
     
  6. Erny

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    I'm kind of in the same boat. I never experimented like that . But to what I have been told by therapists and LGBT counselors. It's just physical stimulation. If you feel like you force yourself then it's not genuine. It's a sad truth but men who are raped or sexually abused have been known to react to physical stimulation even if they are not gay or not. They can achieve erection and ejaculate despite not liking it. Like person said above, our bodies are designed to react to touch. Question to ask yourself is, do you enjoy touching yourself or do you enjoy the material and want to touch yourself? Me, I am coming to the conclusion that I like to touch myself but not the material. I tried so hard to convince myself other wise but just cant. It doesn't make me happy, it doesn't GRT me exvited.

    ---------- Post added 4th May 2017 at 06:54 AM ----------

    Also when viewing porn, even if it is something you dont like. There is going to be some kind of stirring down there is it is sexual in nature. Kudos for you for trying but I kind of think you over thinking it. Perhaps going to a therapist is the best thing to do that is knowledgeable about lgbtq. And admitting a person of the same sex is good looking is not homosexual eother. Non of us are blind and dumb.
     
  7. Justasking100

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    So I was in the park today and I was looking this girl, and got aroused. I don't think that's a particularly gay thing that have happened to me. It came on pretty naturally to me. Sorry I think I'm straight.
     
  8. andimon

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    Haha, you don't have to apologize for being straight. You don't have to apologize for anything, really. I think you should do whatever you're comfortable doing. If a guy turns you on in real life and the two of you are compatible - give it a try. Otherwise, keep doing you - whatever that means. Porn and masturbation aren't good indicators of sexuality though, so if getting turned on by gay porn made you question and you've come to the conclusion guys don't get you worked up in real life situations I say you shouldn't worry. Not that you had to if it were any different.