I'm 21 and just starting my first relationship. Well, starting to start. We've only been texting each other for a few weeks, and we've only been on one date. So why am I stressing out so much? Our first date went really well and we've already planned a bunch more. She's nice, funny, beautiful, and likes a lot of the same things I do. I like her and she says she likes me, but... when I think about being in a relationship with her, I get anxious. Not the butterflies in the stomach sort of anxious, the sad and apprehensive brand of anxiety. I don't know if I'm not into her romantically, or I'm not into the idea of a relationship right now. I don't know if it's just my depression and anxiety playing tricks on me. Should I tell her that I want to be friends? (Like I said, she's great, and I would like to be friends with her.) Do I go out a couple more dates and see how I feel. Would that be wrong to potentially lead her on? I thought I'd be so happy at the prospect of a relationship, but I'm not. :icon_sad:
If you are not happy at the prospect of a relationship, I wouldn't string her on any further. You are obviously not ready, and you don't want to seriously damage any chance at just being friends. I'm sure everyone gets anxious or nervous when it comes to a relationship - worrying if it will work out. But in your heart you have to feel ready for a certain kind of commitment. If you can't offer that, then you shouldn't look for it yet. These are just my mental rambles right now. Hope some of this helps. Sebby45
Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it. I've been doing some thinking, and I think that the main reason I'm apprehensive is that I don't know if we're compatible. We have a lot in common and, on a personal level, I really like her. However, I'm not really interested in sex right now (I don't know that I'll ever be), and she's not really interested in romance. I was clear on the first date that I wasn't looking to rush into anything, and she was clear that she wasn't looking for anything serious either. We've had plans to see a new movie since our first date. I'm seeing her tomorrow, and I'll tell her then that I'm only interested in being friends. I obviously don't want any bad feelings, but we haven't really entered a relationship yet, so I think it should be fine. Hopefully.
Hey im sorry you arent feeling so into it. I guess from my point of view the question would be are you honestly not into her, which is perfectly acceptable and absolutely fine or is it your anxiety and your mind putting pressure on yourself that you should be feeling things you think you are not? It sounds a bit to me as though you like her but you are anxious and worried that she will have expectations of you that make you nervous and that you are worried you might not be able to fulfill. I could be wrong and if you are really not feeling it then it is of course absolutely fine to say you want to just be friends. I also suffer from anxiety and I just wouldnt want you to end a potential relationship just down to anxiety alone .
Silverhalo brings up a good point. Do you feel anxious in general? It doesn't seem like she has given any serious negatives, and going even on a handful of dates doesn't mean you're locked into a permanent relationship. Also, one of the best ways to overcome anxiety is through gradual exposure. If you want, you could define this as "friends first" to at least leave the door open to something more.
Thank you very much. The date got postponed for unrelated reasons, so I have a bit more time to think.
