I don't have any input to offer, but do keep us posted, lovestruck. As... complicated (not the exact word I would be using ) as this story sounds, it's still pretty interesting. PS. I am hopeless romantic, too. Although I do not recommend for anyone to be one.
Ha. Most times i don't know if i am coming or going with her. She is really complicated ans she isn't really open. She is not a talker. She internalizes. So recently i had made a joke with her that she is not allowed to go visit her bf at his apt. I was completely joking. I told her she would be punished if she disobeys me. I only said this to her because she tells me all the time that she likes it when I'm obedient. Of course i would love it if she never saw him again. But I'm not crazy. I have no real expectation of that happening. I said it and forgot about it. Last night out of no where she tells me she is upset about what i said and that i know it is already awkward for her to visit him and that makes it worse. I had no idea she took it seriously. She was so upset with me. She told me I'm unreasonable and she has to question my judgement. I told her what I said was jot a big deal. She is grown and free to make her own choices so what I said should not have upset her. She got even more angry. I really don't know what is up with her. I told her whatever problems she has with being him she is projecting onto me and that's not my issue. All i have ever done was love her. I love her unconditionally and she knows. It has been tested time and time again. She is literally driving me crazy. This morning she is trying to plan a trip with me to Europe. After all that anger last night that she has not explained. I don't kjow what to think at this point. But boy do I love her. Geesh.
Haha you need to find yourself a less complicated girl haha. Does she have any other friends or just you? Is she trying to plan a holiday with just you or is her boyfriend coming too?
Hahaha. She saud she wants it to he just the two of us. Apart from that she is talomg an overseas exam and asked me to come with her. I don't know silverhalo I probably need to just run in the opposite direction and not look bad. But how? That's the real question. ---------- Post added 12th May 2017 at 04:18 AM ---------- Forgot to answer your question. She has lots of other friends.
If you said to her, look I have feelings for you and I appreciate that you don't return them and want to stay with your boyfriend but that in order for you to deal with your feelings you need some space so you can work through them. What do you think she would say? Have you ever been away with her before?
I took a break from her before. For a month and believe me she holds every one of 30 days against me. She remembers the dates and can recite them easily. If i was to phrase it how you phrase it I think shr would give me her best wishes but that would fall apart soon. I guess i neglected to say that we live in different countries and so our contact is all via text and calls of which there is no shortage of.I've never been away with her before. I actually told her and it is true that I'm afraid i won't be able to control myswlf when i see her bc i want her so badly. She laughs it off but she knows I'm serious. She wants me to come antway.
So yesterday i had a talk with her about my feelings. She said she understood it's hard for me and the situation is a really bad one. She was stressing how much he doesnt like the situation. I said to her tell me it's ok to take some time for myself. Tell me you'll be fine with it. She wouldn't respond. That was earlier in the day. At about midnight i get a call from her on her way home talking to me as if we didn't have the talk. We were on the phone for over 2 hours with a lot of flirting happening. I don't know what to think. To say that I'm confused would be an understatement. I can't figure her out.
She has some issues, I'm not sure what they are exactly. Did I already ask you how you would feel about joining a local LGBT group?
Hi lovestruck, You might not like what I am going to say here, but she is going to hurt you. If you do end up together, she will hurt you still. I have been in your position before and it is horrible and I know exactly how you feel. From the minute you wake up to the minute you sleep, they are on your mind. You feel like you would give them the world and you wonder what else you have to do to finally win them over. You talk/date or are intimate to try and fill a void, but it doesn't work. The thought of the one you love at their boyfriend/girlfriends house physically hurts. You look at how everything is meant to be which is why you should be together. Now, reading through your posts, it is quite clear that your friend loves attention. To quit talking to you for that amount of time and then blame you for not trying hard enough, is cruel. Imagine you do end up together. It will probably be the case that everything is your fault and you'll be the one making all of the apologies. I know she is your best friend, but surely you must have seen some shallow behaviour before, if she is acting like this. Unfortunately, you are blinded by love and it is easy to forgive things like this in a heartbeat. My best friend did all this to me. He broke my heart, telling me he loved me and everything. We shared intimate moments, but he had a girlfriend and he flaunted it in my face knowing how I felt. Eventually I met a guy in a club and we agreed to go on a date. 2 days later we went on our second date, where he asked me to be exclusively his. I miraculously got over my best friend in 2 seconds. Something I couldn't do for 2 years. This new boyfriend has been with me 10 and a half years now and we are getting married in may 2018. I don't like people going through that hurt. I know how it feels and my heart goes out to you. I know you probably don't agree, but being in a relationship is not a good idea for your self esteem, state of mind and happiness. I don't know your friend, but I am 31 now and have met many people who act like this and they look after themselves first. I am sure she is a nice person, but she isn't for you. Especially with her situation with her boyfriend of ten years. That is unfair to him. I don't blame you at all here. I wish you all the best. Hope life works out well for you.
Hey @duff0286, No worries man. The truth, good or bad is always welcome. I definitely see your point and it is something to really think on. I do have imes where i believe that she is just selfish. But those times dont last long. I've wanted for so long now to just cut ties bc i kmow i will always get the short end of the stick. I guess it's time to just do what's best for me since that is what she does for her. I'm just working up the nerve to deal with the faallout
Agreed. I guess it is about trying to make the next 20 even happier rather than erasing what has gone. I mean imagine loving someone as much as you love her and that person returning that love. Imagine what that would feel like.
Sometimes it is best to just to take the plunge and go for it. How is it fair that you live like that? I know after so many years it will be hard, but the past is the past and the future is for the taking, where somebody male/female is not selfish. If you want to look at the past, remember the 6 month freeze out she gave you. Quite obviously, she was happy to spend her time without until it suited her. Did you ever wonder why she decided that it was time to forgive you for the nothing you did wrong and still have you apologise. Please get out of there, you are playing with fire. I have had to get rid of a long term friend in the past. I was quite overweight growing up and my friend would always make fun of me. When I lost weight and gained confidence this friend was jealous of my new found ability to make more friends. He used to put me down in front of them to make me look stupid. In the end I stopped answering calls and texts, inviting him places and he eventually got the message. I saw him around a couple of times and he challenged me on it and I just said, that I don't need drama in my life and you are causing it. Good luck in life. He called me some names as I walked away and I just turned and smiled because I knew I had broken free from a bad person. But because of the things he used to say up until 13 years ago, I still think I am fat. Everyone says I'm not. But I see someone else in the mirror. I just think she will break you down in some way
Hey @duff0286, I think i had explained before that my friend has something major coming up at the end of May and i dont want to disturb her equilibrium until after she gets over it. So i don't plan to make any mives until then. After you told me your story i kind of had this feeling of being used by her and my feelings are less intense however they are still there and still a big deal. I'm coping much better with them now. But i know i still need to cut it off with her. Everything about us is so emotional and i haven't felt like this with anyone else. I also know it is not fair to me while she has her fun with her bf for me to be obsessing abt her. I know all these things intellectually....it's just hard to out into practice. As for what exactly will happen i don't k ow but i think it is time i take care of and protect my heart.
I agree that it is hard to put into practice when feelings are involved. You have every intention and then it is like like "Dammit"!. You just told me that you didn't want to disturb her equilibrium, because of something big coming up. You again are living by her rules. In this instance, I'm glad. On the flip side, she could have made a little time for you. Think about that. You do need to protect your heart, because nobody else will. Plus from an outsider looking in and I apologise for saying this, but it is true: This won't end well. If she wanted to be with you, she would be and would make any excuse to see you or phone or text you. You are her confidence boost and her puppet. You don't deserve to be a puppet. You deserve to be happy. Nobody should be having this happen to them. I remember that feeling and it's horrible. Just ignore her calls. Block her number or do what she did. I know it will be extremely difficult, but you're not addicted to her. So some hardship in the short-term beats heartbreak in the future.
Hey@dufff0286, I appreciate the input. Her big day has come and gone. I have backed away from her considerably. It's so hard for me though. One day I'm fine and then the next day I miss her so much. I guess at this point it is up to me to keep looking ahead and not back. Sometimes I'm so angry with myself for allowing the situation to reach so far. Last night she messaged me and asked me about some upcoming time off from work I have. I told her I'm going away with someone we both know. She said she was glad I'm going and I should enjoy myself..... She said everything positive. This morning she is telling me I shouldn't go and it's not a good idea and all this negativity. I said my plans are set. I asked her if she was the same person I was speaking with last night. Definitely time to move on. I feel the tide shifting. I know it will take some time but I'm slowly getting there.
Hey I'm glad you are moving forward. I know it must be so hard. If you ever want to talk we are here .
