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Feel like I'm in puberty at age 26 after loooong denial of lesbian attraction

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by bizleth, Apr 17, 2017.

  1. bizleth

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    Hi folks! Just joined a few minutes ago and already am growing happier and less alone reading supportive posts.

    Anyway wanted to share a bit of my experience and see if anyone else has experienced anything similar....

    All throughout middle and high school and early college I never had any crushes on anyone, male or female. Looking back on it, starting probably around middle school I always noticed women's bodies, and would stare at boobs and butts. But I pushed those thoughts away, rationalizing it as "oh, all women notice other women. it's not a big deal."

    I wanted a boyfriend, a partner like other people my age had, but I didn't seem to be particularly interested in anyone, so I just focused hard on school and work, and made a lot of friends. I often thought, "oh well, there's no rush, I'll feel attracted to someone eventually when the right guy comes along."

    Then in my last year of college I started feeling butterflies and jittery around my best female friend, who I knew was bi. It was like I was having the first true, deep crush of my life at age 23. It was such a new feeling, it took me a long time to even know what it was, this swoony, giddy thing that happened to me when she was around. At the same time I could feel it in my body, I was turned on when I thought about her body or was really close to her. Ultimately, she didn't feel the same way about me, so we parted ways about the time we graduated, and we never kissed or had any relationship.

    I've thought a lot about the whole experience, and realized that before this time, I had gotten really good at shutting my thoughts and body down whenever I got anywhere close to thinking that way about girls. Now for the first time I was letting those thoughts happen, and I felt (and feel, 3 years later at age 26) like I'm going through puberty, probably about middle school phase, for the very first time. I'm figuring out what excites me, and dreaming about dates and kissing with girls. It's so weird! Has anyone else gone through this delayed puberty effect???

    Besides just getting used to the new/weirdness of all this for myself, I feel really isolated and strange being at this place romantically--I'm really successful in my career, but in terms of anything sexual or dating I'm such a baby. And most of my friends and family, especially women, seem to be so advanced, dating longtime partners or getting engaged. It's hard, and sometimes I feel like I'll never have that kind of happiness :frowning2:

    Anyways thanks anyone for reading this very long post! Glad there are other people in this confusing place with me! (&&&)
     
    #1 bizleth, Apr 17, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2017
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  2. kepler05

    kepler05 Guest

    I can definitely relate to this. In middle school and high school I figured it was just a matter of time until I met a really great guy that I would start dating, but no matter how many great guys I met I never had the desire to date them and I couldn't figure out why. So I focused on school and sports and waited until college. Now I find myself extremely attracted to one of my best girl friends in college. It's like a door has been opened up and I wonder if I'd figured out I like girls earlier I could have been looking for the perfect girl instead of the perfect guy. Like you, I'm now completely inexperienced when it comes to dating and romantic interactions because it took me so long to figure out what I was looking for. It totally feels like late puberty at age 19 for me.
     
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  3. AlexJames

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    I had a long reply written out to you, but then the site decided to fuck me over and go out. So i lost it. So this won't be nearly as detailed or well written or whatever.

    I hear ya. I repressed it and explained it away for my entire middle and highschool life. Until like age 22 when i gave myself permission to question it, at which point i suddenly felt like a hormonal thirteen year old cause i was suddenly checking out girls all the time. I was raised primarily by my conservative, christian bully of a mother so i never had the opportunity to question it growing up.
     
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  4. LunaMare

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    I can relate to a lot of things you're saying too! It such a weird feeling right? Like this whole world is opening up and for me I'm still figuring out what it all means. I've had some small crushes but never something I can really call feelings for anyone and that makes everything even harder, like I don't know myself anymore. I can't help you out but I'm sure you'll figure things out and once you meet the right person it will all fall into place, or that's what I keep telling myself :wink:
     
  5. SemiCharmedLife

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    I had the same thing happen to me when I finally stopped fighting my attraction to guys, also at age 26
     
  6. bizleth

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    LunarLyric, that's so funny, it feels exactly like that, I feel like a hormonal 13 year old! Fantasies and turned on at random times, checking out girls, even the stereotypical like turn around to look at a good ass! LOL.

    SemiCharmedLife, glad to hear I'm not the only one going through this in my late 20s. It feels like such an awkward time to be in this spot, since my peers are in prime dating years and have dated many partners and I'm just now cautiously dipping into dating. Ah well. Can't be always comparing...
     
  7. LailaForbidden

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    Yes girl! It's called your 'second puberty' and its a wonderful time where everything you've repressed come out at once. Enjoy it :slight_smile: