Bone to pick with the lgbt community

I see your point but i also see both sides on this issue. I see how its racist. But if you genuinely aren't attracted to most people of a given race, would leaving "No AA" or whatever the abbreviation is be rude to those who are of the given race? If for the most part you truly aren't into a specific race, i can see the point of putting it on there. You can't help if you like guys or girls or if you find someone beautiful.

But i also think that putting it on there closes the door to a lot of possibilities. There are plenty of mixed race girls i work with that i think are beautiful, and are perfectly nice to work with. But that doesn't mean i think all races - all members of their given races - are beautiful. I just happen to think they're hot, that's it.

 

I'd argue that this is more or less evident than in the "straight community." It's a human problem, not a LGBT problem.

 

Alright, but when is the last time you saw dozens of profiles saying "no tall people" or "no non-blondes"? There's a history of establishments in the US with signs saying "no(ethnic group) or cats/dogs", so you could see how a person of color would feel unwelcomed if they saw profile after profile with this message. Folk are so quick to take the side of a gay couple if a business owner refuses service due to "religious reasons", which doesn't seem all that different in terms of motivation, but accept this, excusing it as typical hook-up culture etiquette.

If it were the other way around, you can bet people would go, "What's wrong with white people???" and "I'm sure I could change your mind..." along with accusations of reverse racism.

A preference implies that either option is a possibility, not shutting one out entirely. It has nothing to do with human nature, and everything to do with a society that elevates European standards of beauty.

On the other hand, sexual orientation is already formed at an early age and can't change. Do you have proof to the contrary?

No...

You do know there are black people with (naturally) pale skin, blue/green eyes, and/or straight, long hair? Or are they "not really black"? Maybe you're thinking of someone like Noemi Campbell, which isn't surprising, considering most black people in Europe are recent immigrants from Africa or the Caribbean.

 

I mean, yeah, it happens, but the features that are quite typical to black people all come from extremely dominant genes, so it's not common.

 

Nom nom nom. I have like 6 exams this week, so am not really in the mood to contribute to the discussion. But er, keep it going, guys! You're all doing great! *cheers for both sides, or three, or four, or n!

 

Please read the very first sentence of my original post. I literally opened up by saying that I found the "No AA" thing distasteful, and yet your whole argument hinged on pretending I never said that so...=/

No they wouldn't. I know of quite a few examples of people who are only into Black people and nobody accuses them of racism. I even literally know a song which is about how a guy is literally only into black girls and refuses to have anything to with white girls.

I mean you'd have a great point except on some level we are drawn to specific traits in people. I don't think the research has been done into the LGBT community, but I can tell you right now that a preference towards wide hips is very common among straight males for evolutionary reasons that tie into child birth...so the idea that we might be evolutionarily drawn to certain traits isn't really off the table in my mind.

Oh and I'm sure that what you grow up around and see everyday does affect who you're attracted to, to an extent but it's not the end all be all. I'm not particuarly attracted to anyone I see on T.v. I've never had a celebrity crush and I've never found anyone that Television parades around attractive. Most of the people I end up liking aren't even conventionally attractive at all.

I'm getting really sick of this basic not thought out idea that literally everything is nurture and nothing is nature. It's pretty obvious to anyone thinking about it even slightly that we're all a mix of nature and nurture. If it was so easy for us all to be brainwashed and manipulated into literally anything even who we're attracted to by television the Soviet Union would have never collapsed because everyone would have loved communism and not bothered to question it, and the entire United States would be a Christian Theocracy by this point...yet neither of those things are how in played out becuase as it turns out humans aren't that easy to control.

 

I have to say that from personal experience, the LGBT community can be pretty racist. This is something that I had experienced first hand. For me to move to a community that is acknowledged for being gay friendly as well as gay populated, you would not think or imagined that racism would be something that you would have to endure. There was a time when I was approached by a white customer who had informed where the nearest club that focused on my race would welcome me. Then there was the white guy whom we had this great connection/chemistry with but because his white friends did not approve of our budding relationship...in order to maintain their friendship...he thought it would ideal to sneak around in order to hide our budding relationship from them in order for him not to be ridiculed by them. I have dated guys from various racial backgrounds and did not faze me one bit because I did not look at color. To me...an asshole is an asshole no matter what background. What I found really interesting is that after being befriended by several of the white bartenders in the club that was really popular...I would leave the club with my pockets full of phone numbers and many of them was from the same group of guys who claimed to have had a problem with my color. Imagine that....

 

Yes same.

 

I think this is simply one of those things that comes from the "you can have whatever you want off the menu" atmosphere that dating has taken on in our society as a whole. Think about it, if you're setting up profiles online and looking to date like that, there's literally thousands of people at your fingertips at any given moment. So why not be picky? You have to rule people out en mass anyway, you're just not going to talk to each and every person. So why not just say "well, I'm not usually attracted to (this race), so I'll rule them out as a whole."

Is it racist? I don't think so actually. I think we do all have a specific type that we are attracted to. When we meet people in person, when character and personality have a chance to shine, we can become attracted to someone in ways that go beyond the exterior. Attracted to people who aren't our "type" and don't find the mold of what we think of as what we are attracted to. I have seen plenty of friends start dating people who are nothing like their ideal type physically, because they were attracted to the person unexpectedly when they met in person. I've seen this in terms of age, and in terms of race, and body type...the whole gauntlet.

But with online dating and the apps, we're literally judging based on the superficial. Based on a couple of photos and maybe a little written "summary" of who this person is.

I don't think it is racist. I think it is simply a by-product of people not meeting organically anymore.

 

If not wanting to date a certain race is racist then it seems that I am racist oh well lol

 

Apparently so is my sister, whom has said that she can't date white dudes any more and is currently dating a guy from Eritrea. Super great guy, by the way.

 

I agree completely, and you make some great points. I think if you were to have this approach IRL yes it would be very racist. But when it comes to dating online, well I've never done it but it seems like a totally different beast, so to say. I don't have much of a problem if this approach is limited to online dating because quite frankly i wouldn't expect much from online dating to begin with. I might be biased though; i myself have been attracted to just as many non-white girls as i have white girls IRL.

 

I feel like if you are so affected by the fact that some people choose to not date people from a certain group then you need to mind your own business. People date who they want and you can complain and cry foul all you want but nothing will change the fact that they have the final say and there's nothing you can do about it.

 

"So how'd you end up married?"
"I didn't want to be a racist, so I married her."

 

I understand that judgment. It is hard to please everyone, people seems racist because of the culture they have and the environment they grew up. They have different thinking in a different race. Just like the very common situation is misjudged by people since the terrorism is everywhere in every part of the world. So, even the innocent was being discriminated because of their race.

 

95% of the time it's just a preference. Everyone has preferences in what they'd like their partner to look like, and that's okay. I'm a redhead, but know people who aren't into redheads, that's fine. I'm not into guys, but that doesn't make me sexist. Just because you're not sexually interested in someone doesn't mean you actually judge them as who they are at their soul. I'm sorry, but someone is lying if they say looks don't matter, race just ties in with looks.

 

I've always believed what someone says or does online tells you a lot about a person. The difference is anonymity makes it a lot easier to get away without repercussions. If you're going to say "No blacks, Asians, etc." I'm sure you'll go out of your way to avoid said groups in a bar, club, or wherever. This is supposedly common place for many gay men of color. I've even had a few... questionable experiences.

I have a hard time believing everyone who says such things would be totally okay with them in every other way, since they're already dehumanizing and aggressively putting space between them. Sure, some might have friends, be for civil rights, or whatever, but that doesn't mean they have no faults. It certainly doesn't make this behavior okay, as if the many articles being written or black and Asian men coming out and describing their negative experiences weren't enough.

If not racism, then prejudice, certainly, is involved. Your writing off possibly millions of people because of what you think they might be like. There's really no excuse. Considering the history of the west (US, specifically), it would be naive to think it were a coincidence that it tends to be mostly white men doing the gate keeping, and men of color seeking their approval.

I'm not telling you what you can or can't do. The OP asked for opinions, and I answered truthfully. Why are YOU so defensive when your attractions and choices are critiqued? Yes, sexual racism is a thing, and we need to bring attention to it instead of sweeping it under the rug. Some of the older members on another thread commented "keep an open mind" but I don't think that goes far enough.

Perhaps there are, but to my knowledge, it isn't nearly so common as the other way around (or folks are simply more outspoken about their "preferences"). This is discounting fetishes, of course, since that's not what I'd consider a genuine attraction. Regarding hips... wouldn't that make black women most popular?? Yet, they're one of the least sought out groups in dating. Lots of white guys go for East Asian women, instead... and yes, a bit of that involves stereotypes when they put their own down and hold Asian women up on a pedestal.

Look how many people on this site have gone half their lives thinking they were straight, or if not that, somehow defective. I'd say our environment plays a pretty big part in our sexual choices! I'm sure if I were raised in a homogeneous environment, it would affect what I found attractive. Take those K-Pop stars, for example, which seems to fly in the face of any idea that one specific mold is favored by women.

Honestly, you should be even more upset that it's so commonplace and accepted. Anyway, the fact that you admit its at least part nurture should be food for thought. Some hardliners might disagree, but if this conversations allows one person to re-examine their "preferences", I would consider it a victory.

 

I thought black women were more popular these days. I hear a lot more sexual talk from guys about Nicki Manaj and Beyonce than I do about Taylor swift any day of the week. The point being that there are more than just social factors at play when it comes to sexual attraction. That's not to say that social factors have zero effect.

Yes, a lot of people on this site were put into a position where they had to hide from themselves and their sexuality, myself included. Here's the thing though...despite all their hiding and all of the media depicting straight people doing straight things we all, in the end, realized that wasn't us or for us. It did nothing to change who we are.

I have nothing in my preferences to re-examine I'm pretty open to just about anyone. I am more interested in the emotional connection than the physical. I always have been. I have some vague notions of what is/isn't attractive but it's not a major factor for me personally.

Part Nurture means part as in not only nurture, and I think that has less to do with the media than you think and more to do with where you grew up. People who grew up in a mostly black area will probably find black people more attractive. People who grew up in a multi-cultural neighborhood will probably be more openly attracted to anyone, and people who grew up in a mostly white area will probably find white people more attractive. It's not set in stone because there are plenty of other factors at play, but speaking in general terms I imagine that would be true.

 

I love it when people say "no people of ___ ethnic group / skin color" because it's like a block button in advance