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Bone to pick with the lgbt community

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by lielifelie, Apr 16, 2017.

  1. lielifelie

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    A lot of the members in the lgbt community seem very racist. I don't understand how it's okay to exclude a whole race from your dating pool. It's weird. On a lot of dating site people say "No AA"? This can be seen on almost every post on CL. How is that not racist, given the history of this country? Some people are taking racial preferences too far. It's very racist to discount a whole group of individuals; the only thing different is color. That's weird. African American's have different body types, different facial features, and different personalities. You know, individuality. After all, we are human. Shouldn't we be included in the human race's dating pool? Clearly, not....And I know racist's exist in all demographics. but I find it very ironic that the same individuals who want to be seen as humans and HATE being judged - judge of group of individuals based on their skin color. Ironic, isn't it? & Very hypocritical. Also, how does an individual not harbor ill feelings towards AA's, if they exclude them from their dating pool? Of all the races, and people of diff. ethnicity and nationalities, they can't date an AA? That doesn't make sense. Sounds like the logic of close-minded racists. But how can so many homosexuals be so close-minded? I don't understand....:dry:
     
  2. Simple Thoughts

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    I'm not a fan of the "No AA" thing on dating profiles. I think that closes off a lot of possibilities, but there is nothing inherently wrong with not being attracted to people of certain races generally. Attraction is something you can't forcibly change, it's just a part of who you are. Some people have a preference for taller people, some people have a preference for blondes, some people prefer men and others prefer women...I think the problem is when you close the door completely because you could always wind up meeting someone who you wouldn't normally be attracted to and find you connect and that you don't mind they aren't your usual type.
     
  3. Libertino

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    This seems to be one of those things that's okay to think, but not okay to say. We all have our dating preferences, and sometimes these involve divisions along racial lines. A person can't necessarily help if they find a specific race attractive (or not attractive). But to actually spell it out in such a casual dismissive manner seems somehow more wrong than simply having these biases in the first place. It also seems to be a bit more exclusive that simply expressing a preference. There's a difference between "I don't seem to be attracted to African-Americans" and "No African-Americans. Get away from me. Gross." The latter may be the mindset that "no AA" seems to project.
     
    #3 Libertino, Apr 16, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2017
  4. WeDreamOfPeace

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    Really don't like closing off an entire race - bearing in mind skin can be midnight black to just medium-tan, just as a thought - because you're pretty much closing off a massive array of options.

    However, it is common to be attracted to some races more than others. For example, I'm not that fussed about most white girls, often like Chinese/Japanese (not going to run through my entire list of racial preferences for both sexes lol), but it can be normal to simply not find one body type attractive, but the "No AA" is literally closing off masses of unique people.

    Sad.
     
  5. bluesunlight

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    I understand why you would be frustrated with this. Obviously, people have different preferences when it comes to physical appearance and personality, but there's no reason for someone to put something like "no blacks" or "no femmes" on a dating profile. If someone's not attracted to someone, then the customary etiquette in online dating is just to not respond to a sent message. Many people just lack social awareness and are unnecessarily abrasive/rude. I also get why it would hurt when it seems most people don't find you attractive; it can make the prospect of dating seem hopeless. On the other hand, a person has to be attracted to the person they're dating; otherwise, it's just to create an unhealthy dynamic and make the relationship doomed. I realize most same-sex attracted men probably won't find me attractive, but I just keep myself out there and focus on the ones that do.
     
  6. T BOT

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    Humans have their preferences, straight or LGBT. We are born with it, we can't change our preferences, and preferences aren't limited to gender. It's in human nature, and it isn't racist. Also, it's pretty weird how you say that "the only thing different is color," but then literally a sentence after, you say, "African American's have different body types, different facial features, and different personalities." It kind of sounds a little bit hypocritical.
     
    #6 T BOT, Apr 16, 2017
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  7. Creativemind

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    I think people should be allowed to have preferences, BUT I also think It's a dick move to say "NO XXX" on your profile. Dealbreakers in general don't bother me, but it looks tasteless to cover your profile with them. If someone you're not attracted to messages you...then just move on.
     
  8. Winter Maiden

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    It's preference. Get over it.
     
  9. lielifelie

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    I don't think you have good reading comprehension skills. I said, AA's have diff. body types, etc because people are judging them based solely on their skin color. You can change the skin color of someone, and suddenly, they would be date-able. That's weird.

    People are not born to dislike AA's. It's not innate and not the same as sexual orientation. Lmbo And that's exactly why I believe some lgbt members are racist. I just find it ironic - a group of people wanting acceptance and love, judging a group of people based on skin color. :eusa_doh: Weird.

    I thought I was joining a community of open-minded individuals. I was wrong.

    ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2017 at 04:55 PM ----------

    ....I should get over racism towards AA's? If I didn't see it so much, it wouldn't bother me. And I would just get over it. How are AA's the main ones to be disliked? I think it goes far beyond preference. Don't be so dense.

    ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2017 at 04:58 PM ----------

    It is okay to have racial preferences, I guess. I don't - I'm human, but I think the dislike for AA's is a bit much.
     
    #9 lielifelie, Apr 16, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 16, 2017
  10. Winter Maiden

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    I was talking about when people aren't attracted to a certain race of people. That is most certainly preference. Grow up.
     
  11. Pret Allez

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    Yes, sexual racism is a real thing.
     
  12. OGS

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    If for nothing other than diversity of opinion I will say that I totally agree with you lielifelie. While I'm not sure that it really is more prevalent in the gay community than in the straight community, this really is pretty much the only place that I've heard it openly defended. I think it's really sad in this day and age...
     
  13. lielifelie

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    I was talking about when people aren't attracted to a certain race of people. That is most certainly preference. Grow up.[/QUOTE]

    My whole post pointed out the dislike against AA's - it wasn't confusing. When people aren't attracted to an ENTIRE group of people - it seems racist. What is so difficult to understand. How can many lgbt people have a racial preference for any race or ethnicity, except blacks? That's not racist?

    A 21 year old telling me to grow up?..... :confused:
     
  14. Chip

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    I think among a lot of gay men certainly not all, but more so than among lesbians, there's an incredible amount of shallowness. It's really messed up.

    It becomes sort of a self-fulfilling downward spiral. People have shitty self-esteem, so they think that spending 1000000 hours on their appearance will make them more attractive and appealing. So they work out obsessively, spend 4 hours doing their hair, buy 500 kinds of makeup or hair products, expensive, trendy, name-brand clothes... and then they go out and put down other people who haven't done this.

    Which... perpetuates the cycle, as those people who feel crappy then go home and do the same thing.

    It is in part the same kind of shame-driven mindset that is behind blanket statements about race, or weight, or height, or being fit, or whatever. It's driven by low self esteem, fear, and in many cases, a lack of actually being able to connect deeply with others.

    The interesting thing is, this group is actually a minority... but you'd never know it by going to clubs and bars.

    There are plenty of people who don't judge by culture, race, ethnicity, or even physical attributes. You just have to look harder to find them, because they, too, are fed up with the shallow mindset that pervades the clubs and bars.

    While I agree that people can have preferences for what attracts them, a lot of that preference is rooted in their own comfort (or discomfort) in people different than they are, and their own self-worth. Which also means... the people who are really shallow aren't people that anyone healthy is going to want to go out with or spend time with. :slight_smile:
     
  15. lielifelie

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    Thank you, OGS and everyone else who can see the irony of this situation. I think it's unbelievable how someone can defend this "racial preference". I'm sick of racism, and I didn't think I was going to find it in the lgbt community. I was very naive.

     
  16. Robin x

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    While I get that it's just peoples opinions and preferences, I just hate the way people put it out there - with no tact at all. I think that's the main reason people take it as racism, the way others just dismiss an entice race without batting an eyelid. I agree it'd be better if people just didn't say it instead, I don't think there's any need for people to specify it.
     
  17. Eldrher

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    It's just people's preferences. It's probably not meant to sound racisth but it's just like not liking dark chocolate but loving white. It's personal preference and there's nothing wrong with that. So long as no one is being racist
     
  18. MichealStrider

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    Some people are just really closed minded even though they are so suppost to be open minded. Me, I live in the hills of Mississippi so Racism is still a thing. I would and have dated with someone of different races, it's not a problem to me. A person is a person. Period.
     
  19. Libertino

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    I wrote a really long follow-up response to this question, but the site cut out the moment I tried to post it. With my effortpost gone, I'll summarize what I said here:

    1. Preferences are not sacred. They can be questioned.
    2. Preferences do not exist in a vacuum.
    3. While some preferences seem arbitrary (such as one's favorite color being green), they may have a root in something more systematic (this favorite color could stem from a love of gardening and nature, or a childhood association of green with something positive).
    4. Racial preferences could be influenced by racial stereotypes (Asian women are submissive, black women are loud, white people are more likely to be educated, etc.)
    5. Thus racial preferences may not be so innocuous and arbitrary, especially for those who may present their racial preference as an exclusive statement.

    Interested to hear people's thoughts on this :slight_smile:
     
  20. Lazuri

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    If one of my biggest sexual turn ons is for a girl to have pale skin, do you really not see how that may cause me to not find black people very attractive? Or if I like blue and green eyes? Or straight and long hair?

    It's not like I find every black person unattractive (Freema Agyeman is super pretty) but it's very rare for me to find one attractive. Those are preferences just like everybody has, why should they make me feel like a racist when I'm really not.