I'm coming out to my parents tomorrow, and I'm terrified. I've known that I wasn't straight ever since I was fourteen. It's been six years, I've come out to all my friends at university, and a couple of days ago I told my younger brother (who was totally cool with it). I'm terrified of telling my parents because my mum has been going on forever about how worried she's been that I haven't been seeing anyone. She said the other day "I would be devastated if you brought a boy home". I love my mum, and I don't want to lose her over this. However, I think she may have an inkling anyway. I guess I'm putting this down to ask if you could give me any advice? I stood outside my brother's room for a good ten minutes summoning the courage and typing this out now just gives me a horrible feeling. I just want it to be out now.
Hey Cubxu, I understand what you are going through. Coming Out to those closest to us can be terrifying. We can never KNOW in advance how they will react to our Coming Out and even the miniscule prospect of losing the support of unconditional love of our parents if things go badly can be devastating. You sound like you've made up your mind to Come Out to them at this point and it will probably be difficult to get the words out. I might suggest that you write a note or letter in advance which you could either read to them or hand to them if you find that you can't say the words yourself. Just a thought. I hope things go well for you and I wish you all the best!
Thank you for all your support. I just told my mum. She wasn't angry, she was disappointed. And that was the worst thing. She understood that there was nothing I could do to repress my sexuality, but she said that she was sad and that everything had changed. I don't want things to change. I'm going to tell my dad.
Oh no! That's heartbreaking. I hope your mom comes round. Did she explain how everything had changed in her opinion? Hope it goes better with your dad.
sorry to hear mate. hope your dad takes it better. maybe your brother could talk with your mom? (*hug*)
Spoke with dad, and he was a lot more supportive, but basically, my mum is devastated. She said it's the worse thing I could have ever said. I had one of the best relationships with my mum, and it seems like I've ruined it. I'm away from home in a few days, and that'd be good to clear my head. The only thing is, this may be my last time I'm here. Thank you for all your support. To anyone who's going to come out soon, be true to yourself. That's the advice I'd give
Yes, maybe getting out of the house for a few days will help you process it all and clear your head a bit. I'm glad to hear your dad took it well. I'm so sorry to hear that coming out to your mom went so badly. I know its not the same but I've felt that pain in a similar vein...a parent you were once close to being disappointed in you and it permanently affecting the relationship. It hurts, it hurts a lot. Are you going to be okay? If you need to talk EC will still be here.
Hey Cubxu, I’m glad that things went well with your Dad, but I’m so sorry that your mom wasn’t more open minded. I know it took a lot of courage to Come Out to them, but as you said you've got to "be true to yourself." That really is the most important thing - you have to be comfortable with who you are so that you can be happy in your life. Of course, it’s impossible to say how things will work out in the longrun, but a first response by a parent to our Coming Out isn’t usually the final response. Just as you’ve had your whole life to come to an understanding and acceptance of your sexuality, it sounds like your mom needs time to understand and accept this about you. The fact that she said that she knows that there is nothing you can do to repress your sexuality (a very odd choice of phrase), may indicate that she really can come to understand and accept this in time – especially if she becomes much more educated on what it means to have a gay son. Bottom line is that you didn't do anything wrong. None of this is your fault. Remember that you are still the same great person that you were before you Came Out to her, she just knows something much more personal and private about you now that she didn’t know before. When she said that “everything had changed”, that’s all about her, not about you. She has to come to that realization. It sounds like your Dad may be able to talk her through this, given time. Perhaps you might even consider writing her a letter about how you are the same person that you were before you Came Out to her and how hurt you are that she can’t show unconditional love for you as her son, simply because you happen to be gay. If she is sad and disappointed because her plans for you to have a ‘normal’ family and give her grandchildren have changed, again, that’s her problem not yours. Even if you were straight, you would have to live your life your own way and for yourself first and foremost, not for her or for anyone else. If you think she’d read it, I’d suggest that you download and print the Our Children pamphlet from PFLAG for her (and for your Dad, too, actually – in fact, if you gave it to your Dad, maybe he could get her to read it or at least use information in it to help her come to a better understanding and acceptance of your sexuality). Just some thoughts. I wish you all the best!
