So, I've been in my current relationship for over 6 years. He's been the only person I've dated ever in my entire life. I'm happy with the relationship but the only thing that's truly killing me is the fact that I can't handle him sexting and having, and sometimes acting upon, sexual interests in other people, which he enjoys doing. I have told him I didn't like it and he understands, but he really can't help himself, especially around his friends both online and in person. He's a real people-pleaser and loooooves attention he can get from non-creepers (even gained a reputation for it). It's eaten away at the back of my head for months, years even, to the point that I'm an insecure mess. I tend to lash out at him now if he hints having sexual urges with someone else, I get controlling, invasive, angry, etc. I know 'dating' isn't necessarily a true or deep-relationship and you have to be open to things, but I grew up to that teaching that if you found the person you want to commit to, you give it your all, which I felt I have. Now I just feel like that effort was for naught, that I'm now just some person to keep around til the next best thing comes around. What do I do? How am I supposed to see things so I see just him and not his sexual tendencies? How do I move on and get back to loving him as a whole? Start feeling like I'm his "one-and-only"? Or do I just drop it and move on with my life?
You decided to see if you could accept a non-monogamous partner, and you've given yourself several years to try to get used to the idea. But it seems that you're simply not wired that way. You've said you'd talked to him about this, and that he "understands but that he can't help himself". This suggests that he's just as wired for non-monogamy as you are for monogamy. And that makes you incompatible at a very basic level. I'd say you should probably just end it. You might try giving him an ultimatum, but it'd be just as difficult for him to go monogamous as it has been for you to be with someone non-monogamous. Lex
