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Taking steps backwards, unsure again

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by gaylor, Apr 5, 2017.

  1. gaylor

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    NY
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've recently been super close to coming out and have felt pretty comfortable with myself lately. But I can't help but want to be completely 100% sure that I am a lesbian before I tell people. Do you think there is a chance that I am straight still? I have only been questioning my sexuality for 4 months now, I wonder if that is enough time to know for sure. I find some guys attractive but I desire females and can see myself being intimate with another girl, and I have for the last 4 months. Prior to then I was "straight" but once i let myself consider the possibility that I may be gay into my head I haven't been able to shake it. I don't know if I'm subconsciously convincing myself that I am gay or if I am just so used to "liking men" that its hard to let that go completely.

    Obviously I know that only I can be the one the label myself, and that I don't have to label myself. But I want outside opinions and experiences. What are the chances that I would really think I'm gay and be attracted to girl for 4 months, just to turn out straight?
     
  2. covert direwolf

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hello,

    I just came out today, actually, and it seems to me that you are experiencing the pre-coming out crisis. I experienced this as well, and even though I'm not attracted to guys at all and I like a girl very much at the moment, I doubted if I was really a lesbian.

    What you need to remember is that no one can tell you how you identify. And sexuality can be fluid, so you could be a lesbian now, but in a few years, you could be bisexual. You don't have to stick to a single label for the rest of your life.

    You have to decide for yourself if you are indeed 100% a lesbian and are going to come out as this identity. Even if you are 95% a lesbian, you can still identify how you want to identify. If you feel like your attraction to girls is a lot stronger than your attraction to boys, so much so that you wouldn't date a guy, lesbian might be your label.

    Sexuality is a spectrum, also. Very few people are 100% homosexual, and you don't have to be one of those few in order to come out as a lesbian. I was once "straight" too, and it's hard not to doubt yourself. Be confident because no one else can tell you how you feel.

    What helped me get over my pre-coming out crisis is telling myself that I'm just me. A label is just a label, and labels are put on the same type of boxes, but they have different contents inside. Everyone is different, and if you feel like lesbian might be your label, go for it! (*hug*)
     
  3. gaylor

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone

    That was super helpful! I definitely got the push i needed to just go for it! So for that I thank you!

    Now that you have come out to a few people, how have things changed for you?
     
  4. covert direwolf

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm glad!

    Mainly for me, it's helped with having more confidence in myself. I'm not afraid of who I am, and that's a huge step forward.

    Also, I can tell people when I have a crush on a girl, which has helped a lot in my friendships. Before I came out, I always felt like I was hiding everything, but now, my secret is out to my closest friends and it feels more natural to talk to them.

    As a person with depression, coming out has helped me like myself more. Admitting to myself that I'm a lesbian was the best thing I could ever have done for myself to feel better. Liking girls is amazing, and I would never want to be straight. Now that I can share that with other people, it just makes the happiness I had already felt stronger.

    Lastly, it's made me more open to seeking a relationship. I had not wanted to date before I came out because I didn't want to have to deal with having to be secretive all the time, and I thought it might hurt the other person that I wasn't willing to come out for them. Now, I feel like can flirt with girls here and there and maybe get my first girlfriend soon.

    How did coming out go for you, and how have things changed?