I realize I have been posting an insane amount of threads. Let me just preface this by saying how grateful I am to have found this site. The folks on here are very supportive and thoughtful. Ok - so, I am still having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that I really am not straight. I mean I told my mom like 5 yrs ago I liked women! But I still have a hard time accepting this. Here's support or clues I'm not straight: - I've been drawn to females since I was little - I had like zero male celebrity crushes and tons of female 'attractions' - I wanted to actually be a boy when I was little - I was a big time tom boy and generally just felt different from girly girls - I kissed several women in college and it was amazing - I blatantly hit in one woman in college and tried to get her to kiss me - I developed what I consider now to be a crush on one woman in college - In high school had a slight fantasy I would go to an all girls college and turn into a lesbian. - I have amazing gaydar - I fell in love with a woman - I had sex with a woman and it was maybe one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had - like I was turned on for like two weeks after - Finally, I realized I'm not so much upset that the woman I was with doesn't want to be with me, but she actually wants to be with men!! (Which makes no sense to me since I am married to a man) Support that I like men: - sex with guys can be fun and can be enjoyable - I've had boyfriends and genuinely wanted them to ask me out (for attention?? To be normal??) - I'm a relentless flirt - I have this annoying habit of checking out men's packages - It may be penis envy but I just really like the way dicks look and phallic things turn me on! - I love penetration - I like the idea of being held by a big strong man - it makes me feel comforted and protected. - And last but not least-I have been in a straight relationship for 16 years!! What do y'all think?
OTH - perhaps. This is such a tough road to hoe. I'm jealous of folks who have known they were straight from day 1! This is also going to sound very stereotypical - I'm pretty feminine. Not super duper, but I'd be considered a femme for sure. The thing is- I am attracted to other feminine women. So, somehow, I have always thought that meant I couldn't be gay. (!?!?!)
Are you comfortable with labels? Some people aren't and if they're not, what's wrong with just keeping and updating that list if it changes at all? You can keep that list in mind when you ponder if you're "not straight". Or if you do like labels, are you afraid of labeling yourself bisexual? For me, I like labels so I'm comfortable calling myself bisexual, even though I like women and men a little differently. Women = everything. Men = sexual and some "other" things others find attractive in men (strong, smart, etc) but not really romantic. But wouldn't shy away from it if it were to ever happen, in another lifetime aka if I wasn't married to a woman. I discovered I like labels not because of needing to fit into one (though I did struggle with that for a while) but because I realized I like my other labels: Dad, brother, son, husband, biker and the like.
Bi and rockin! I'm bi, too. I like the label. 30 years of liking both. For me, because it's obvious, the label is comforting and a source of strength. The special bi superpowers and love of puns is wonderful, too. Rock it!
You know, I'm kind of Ok with labels. And I have told lots of people I'm bi. But, bisexuality is so confusing (for others and myself). I come to like the term fluid because it's not really a label but a description. Lately I've just had the saying, 'a dick isn't required for a relationship and neither are boobs.' It's like part of me accepted this a long time ago and really wanted to embrace it. But the married side of me that tried to be 'normal' hid it. Anyway, I want to embrace it. My husband has NOT embraced it and this is one of the many reasons we are separating. But I am trying to have some internal confirmation that it's not just my sexuality that has led to this but an overall growing apart. Anyway, thanks for listening.
I'm an anti-label here (and apparently in the minority). But, a long rings true. I was married for 9 years, divorced and figured I would just move on to another man. But that wasn't the case. Did not move on at all. I've had relationships with men, and never really seriously entertained the idea of a woman (aside from several men who wanted to have a threesome with another woman--which I entertained in theory but never happened). My first girlfriend was a soft butch (her own description, but I agree). I'm pretty neutral. My new interest is quite girlie, which confuses me even more. I think I'm perfectly able to have a sexual relationship with a man, but emotionally I find I connect better with women, which is actually surprising because I tend to develop friendships with men more easily. The downside to that is that most of the men don't just want to be friends. Anyway, sorry for the rambling. You're not alone in your confusion. Don't stress the reasons, just enjoy the company.