How long did you spend "questioning"?

I spent a few years questioning, my labels going from bisexual, to lesbian biromantic, and finally poly. This label fits me to the T, and unlike labels like "straight" and "gay" it really depends on the person (polysexual: attraction to some, but not all genders). I don't feel like I have to justify who exactly I'm attracted to (although no one should).
I went through a bunch of labels trying to always find a new and more relevant one as I absolutely despise not knowing things.
When I found the definition of poly, I kind of just knew.
How you know what's real...I would say the moment when your label fits you well enough that you stop feeling the need to question. Especially for me at the beginning, when I identified as bi, I was always looking for other answers, wondering if I really was bi.
Hope this helps a little bit. If you ever want to talk, I'm always open

 

I spent months questioning on my gender identity as I couldn't figure it out. It was just like I feel it but I don't know what it is. I tried demigirl, genderfluid, and genderfluid demiboy but none of those clicked with me as I feel mostly a boy and non-binary like I feel very uncomfortable when people refer to me as female. It just gives me a weird feeling like it doesn't feel right with me. I decided that the identity that fits me the best is non-binary transboy as I feel male/masculine and non-binary.
I wish you luck on your questioning journey!

 

Yea no problem!

 

I knew I liked girls almost instantly. My whole life in fact. But realizing I didn't like guys was harder. Took me up until I was 19 to know that.

 

I've been questioning my gender for about two years now and sometimes i'm still not sure. I guess what matters more is just being who you are in the moment and doing what feels right. If you look past the labels and stay true to yourself you can't go wrong.

 

I went back and forth on labels, but I've been using the same few labels (bi and queer) for a few years now.

 

Mia, I grew up in a different time, I spent about 30 years questioning myself. It's only in the last few months that I have learned that I am who I am and whatever that is, its OK.

Like a 10000 pounds lifted from my shoulders.

Dean

 

I'm still questioning. I know I'm physically attracted to men and have been for years, but the only real crushes I ever had at school were on girls. I've been thinking lately I might be biromantic gay rather than bisexual, but It's still quite cloudy. I'd agree it's best to just go with what you're feeling first though. This whole thing is so hard to figure out! Labels are good, but they can come second.

 

Most of the questioning happened during the summer after 5th grade (and I concluded that I was bi) but I did question whether I was actually lesbian for a bit just last year because I couldn't bring myself to like a guy back (he was really nice and stuff but I only saw him as a good friend) I guess it took me a bit to realize that I personally don't romantically like people very easily, even if they're nice

 

I spent around 3 years questioning before getting to the more comfortable stage i'm at now and starting to come out. It was a lengthy process of scrutinising myself until I couldn't tell what my real feelings were. Everything became a lot easier when I stopped caring about what was 100% accurate and truthful and instead thought about what would make me happy. I still doubt myself a lot, which is tough but I don't care anymore because even if I think about how hot a guy is, I know i'd rather be with a woman forever. There wasn't a specific moment when I realised, but I remember the first time a friend of mine referred to me as a lesbian and it made me feel euphoric! I was like 'Yes!!! That's me!'

 

I spent 6 months "questioning", not because I'm some sort of amazing know-it-all with perfect clarity, but because I am a master at convincing myself of things that aren't true out of fear. When I became an adult it was a slow process of coming out in other aspects of my life like the fact that I would rather not just nod with something that I didn't agree with to avoid confrontation. Once I was able to start actively choosing things that made me happy in other ways, I realized that ignoring my sexuality was really hurting me. I spent 6 months trying to decide if I liked boys but I spent 19 years denying that I liked girls. But it's not like I didn't know. Heteronormativity is a huge part of the religion I grew up in and so I shouldn't have been surprised at the things I still struggle with. Although I don't question the truth of my sexuality anymore, I still struggle with feeling okay with being happy. But I am blessed to have good friends and great resources to find my happiness. I wish the same to you.

 

I'm not sure if I am answering your question properly (from the way it's written I assume it's for people who have already discovered their sexuality?) ... I am still at the questioning stage, though am leaning more towards one way, but not yet ready to give myself a label. I have been questioning for about 6 years now!

 

I know what you mean about being confused about what's real. In the beginning of my "questioning" phase, I spent so long thinking about my newfound attraction and desires that I felt for ages that I was thinking myself into being queer, and it was all in my head. I also struggled to imagine myself being in a committed relationship with a girl, and the thought of marrying one just didn't feel right. But now, none of those things are true for me anymore.

The thing is, your mind is going to mess with you just as much as it's going to help you, which sucks, because we rely on it quite a lot, especially at times like these. In the end though, you'll figure it out, even if there are moments where you feel like you never will. I know I had those moments entirely too often. It took me the best part of two years to figure it out, and I went through a lot of different emotions in that time, but now, I know what orientation I identify with, and I've accepted it. I don't think that there was a defining moment for me in particular, though. I was just thinking about it all one day and realized that I wasn't confused anymore, that at some point when I hadn't been looking, the truth had snuck up on me. That was a good feeling. It was like a weight had been lifted off of my chest.

I'm sure you'll get there one day, too, and I'm here if you ever want to talk about it more.

I hope this helps.

 

for me as long - longer - being queer was the ultimate stigma for a boy - crossdressing made it worse

 

It lasted at least 3 years.

I started realizing I was into girls when I fell for one of my best friends a few years ago. I was 14, very näive and extremely confused (I'm almost 18 now). At first I didn't want to admit I had a crush on her. I have a rather complicated childhood history with girls, used to have a less-than-good relationship with my mother, and a terrible one with other women relatives and my girl peers at school, so I always thought I was repulsed by the gender as a whole (even though my first sexual thoughts were of girl-friends of mine, something I failed to realize at the time but that I can clearly remember now). I spent a whole year in denial, dating guys I thought I liked to avoid thinking of her.

It was impossible.

My last boyfriend and I broke up because I couldn't bring myself to have any kind of sexual interaction with him without feeling forced and grossed out, even though he was a really nice guy and I liked him. I thought I was asexual for a while because I didn't feel anything sexual towards dudes. 15 year old me couldn't even consider the possibility of me not being straight, even with all the evidence I had.

When I aknowledged my liking of this girl, I went on to another denial stage. I started trying to convice myself that "it was just this one girl and it didn't make me bi (I didn't even consider the possibility of me being a lesbian)". I realized that wasn't the case sooner than I expected. Then maybe another half a year later, I started labeling myself as bi, came out to my friends and thought my questioning stage was over.

I was soo wrong.

After coming out as bi, I started trying to date girls. Didn't have any luck, not having any luck now either, but anyways, I had completely forgotten about guys, but I was open to the possibility of me finding a guy I genuinely liked. Then after some time I started considering the possibility that I might not be bi, but in fact a lesbian, which in retrospective made a lot of sense. But then I also had my doubts. Did male celebrities crushes count? Did fictional male characters crushes count? Because I had had a ton of them. At the time I thought lesbians didn't hang out with guys at all, didn't have male figures to look up to, etc. But then I learned the explanation I needed all my life: you can want to hang out without wanting to make out with them, you can admire men without desiring them sexually, and you can also want to be them without wanting to be with them. Three months have passed since that realization, I came out to my friends, parents and siblings and I feel very relieved and happy. It was a relatively long time, but it was totally worth it.

I hope you find my questioning story helpful. Don't worry, you'll find your answers sooner or later!