Hey EC friends, It has been a while since I have been here, but I wanted to give an update on the going-ons in my life (especially since I've received messages from a few of you asking how things are going). The shortened version of my story as I left it is as follows. Started dating the first guy I ever had any real sexual contact with after we were both looking to experiment with another guy. We ended up in what would be a 4 year closeted relationship full of ups and downs that I documented (for the most part) on this forum in another thread. We were deeply in love, and even lived together for 2.5 years, all while maintaining the closeted status. A little over a year ago, I decided to break things off with him because I essentially couldn't control my desired to try things with other guys. There had been cases of infidelity on my part as well, which I came clean about to him prior to me breaking up with him. We were both pretty broken up about it for a while afterwards, and I definitely had second thoughts (many times). What made it more difficult was how well we still got along, and the fact that we lived together, after breaking up. We ended up living together and hanging out as very close friends for almost a year before finally biting the bullet and fully accepting things were over and finding different places to live. That was about 2 months ago. Since then it has been a lot harder on him than me, and recently I have stopped all contact with him because I think it is for the best to help him get over everything and move on. As for me, everything seems much clearer to me now in some ways. I definitely think I was blinded by the good parts of the relationship to see how it really wasn't a fit for what I was looking for. We got along extremely well, which helped mask the fact that it wasn't a perfect fit for me in the later years. At the beginning it was all new to me, so I was learning what I liked and what wasn't necessarily satisfying my needs (I can only say the later part now that I have hindsight). Now that I have had time apart from him to reflect on everything, I am more confident I made the right decision. It was really crazy how blinding love can be though. Breaking up with a guy I loved was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but now I believe it was absolutely necessary because I was feeling unfulfilled in some ways. I would have been cheating myself to stay in the relationship, and would have probably be cheating him (and possibly cheating on him again) as well. Anyways, that is my update for anyone interested. Probably not your typical post on here, but hopefully it is well received at least by some. Feel free to comment if you have experienced something similar or have any questions for me.
i enjoyed reading this. It's nice to hear you're doing the right thing. It sucks, but a lot of things do (haha). I got rejected by a friend who I was head over heels for and she was my first. That sucked but I don't think it's comparable to you. Still though, props to handling it. Lots of people would have crumbled or taken it not as well.
Thanks for the update, I remember reading your "my story" postings and I wondered what ever happened. It's a long journey we're on with many roads to happiness, hope you find the correct route!
I was rooting for a happy ending, it seems like there is really no forever. I wish nothing but the best for you tho. I love your thread "my story" I think you made the right decision. You do you
