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How to ask out a waitress (and I don't have a clue if she's into women)

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by caliwoman, Apr 2, 2017.

  1. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    To you ladies out there who have been asked out during your time employed in the server industry, how'd it go? Did you ever accept a date? Get hit up on by a lady?

    There is an adorable waitress at my local mex restauraunt. She caught my attention about three visits ago. It's a restaurant that my ex-husband and I have visited since we were teenagers.

    A week or two ago, we stopped by just so I could kinda check her out and wasn't expecting to get her as our waitress. Like clockwork, our regular waitress came out to take our drink order, but 5 minutes later, no drinks. I hear my ex mutter, "I think it's her" and I look up and it's my crush coming out with our drinks.

    My ex excused himself from the table and leaves me by myself and she and I make small talk the entire time. I joke around about her being my bartender and we spend the entire time joking around.
    At the end of the evening I tell her, "Can I get my bartender's name or shall I just keep calling you bartender?"
    She turns around to face me and tells me her name and says, "Can I get your name?" and I tell her. She quickly becomes embarrassed and says, "Ohh it was on your debit card! Duh!" and gets shy, tells me to have a goodnight and runs inside. She's adorable!

    My first instinct was to leave a note on the table with my phone number the next time I get her as my waitress. My therapist and friends say that I should do it in person. Something like, "I enjoyed speaking with you again, if you'd like to grab a drink sometime, here's my number."

    Does that sound alright? I'm kinda fearing I may back out of saying it like that and more into the friend zone and ask her to hang out.

    What would you do? I have no real idea if she's into me, but I'm obviously into her.
     
  2. JackieScut

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    Life's too short to waste. I think her embarrassment suggests that she could feel the same as you. Give her your number. Say, if you fancy meeting up for a drink ring me. Then leave it to her to ring and see where that goes. If you leave a note on the table and someone else clears up and throws it away, she won't get it and you will wonder if she has got it and hasn't rung you. Or after your next visit, leave... then pop back in few minutes later and say you left something on the table. It won't be there as it's a ruse... give her your number and say call me if you find whatever it is you are pretending to have lost. If she likes you she will have a perfect excuse to ring you xxx
     
  3. Zen fix

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    I suggest waiting until after you have paid the bill and tip so she won't feel like it's contingent on her accepting your invitation. I think you're right to try to leave it to her whether to call or not but don't leave a note. Good luck.
     
  4. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    Thank you for your suggestions!!
     
  5. Tomás1

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    It's wise to ask her for her no or email. It puts u in the drivers seat. It's a much stronger way to make contact, than giving her your no.
     
  6. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    Agh! I dunno if I have the courage for that! Lol
     
  7. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    Agh! I dunno if I have the courage for that! Lol
     
  8. CharacterStudy

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    I'd say don't ask her for her number - it puts her in an awkward position as you are a paying customer and therefore have the power here in a way. I like the suggestion of popping back in and giving her your number and asking if she'd like a drink.

    Flustered is probably a good sign, but best to have a drink with her and see how things go.

    Did your ex take you out to eye up waitresses? Cool ex. Could be confusing for the waitress though!
     
  9. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    Yes, I thought the same. I don't touch him, sit far away, etc.
    I'd like for him to return to the restaurant without me so she can see we aren't together.
     
  10. Foxfeather

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    I am a big (soft) butch, and I still get scared to ask women out. Blame it on me being on the littler side.

    Maybe she'll get offended. But maybe she won't. Either way, if any woman or man has the guts to ask me out, I'm impressed and honestly quite relieved that I don't have to be the one to do it. I'd say leave your number with your tip, and make it obvious that it's for her. Find out her name. Maybe ask her coworkers if she's into women or hint to them that you find her attractive.
     
  11. dirtyshirt84

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    Good luck Caliwoman, let us know how it goes!

    Could you write your number on a napkin or a promotional card or something if the restaurant has any of those and hand it to her when you are leaving saying 'let me know if you want to go for a drink sometime?'

    I find it much harder to tell if woman are interested than men and feel like I don't know how to go about asking a woman out so tips welcome! :slight_smile: