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Anyone have trouble making "real" friends?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Naos210, Mar 31, 2017.

  1. Naos210

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    I put quotes around real for a reason. Like, I have friends, I guess. But I'm always the last choice, or if there's a group, I'm always the outsider, the one interacted with the least. There was a girl I had a big crush on for three+ years, and we were friends for about the same amount of time. But, she randomly spent her last week of high school (she's a year older), slandering me as a "stalker", and saying she was just my friend... to be nice. Basically implying she was my friend purely out of pity. I felt terrible after that, because how do I know not all of my friends, think the same way? Hell, one of my friends at the moment is that aforementioned girl's younger brother. No one ever asks to spend time with me... sure it happens every once in a while, but they never seem to follow through. I always feel like I'm following people around till eventually, they interact with me. People who I call my friends seem to care less about me than people who aren't my friends. Just random people asking me if there is something wrong if I'm depressed. People always seem to have some sort of use for me, but once that use is gone, it's over. They just stop talking to me. And if I try to talk to them, they don't seem as friendly.

    To be honest, I feel like just closing myself off. Trying to have positive social relationships is just making it worse... I keep failing at it.
     
  2. HeyThereAlex

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    I feel the same :/ I'm always the last choice in my small group of "friends", we're about 4 people. We don't hang out outside of school tho and I'm always the outsider.
     
    #2 HeyThereAlex, Mar 31, 2017
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  3. covert direwolf

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    I had that problem for a very long time until I met my two best friends at my school. But before that, I had been a part of a group of "friends" that never really talked to me. Looking back on it now, I think they were using me just to copy my homework. I fell into a depressive episode and started self-harming, and they didn't notice, which just made it worse.

    It's hard to be without "real" friends, but please know that you'll find someone eventually that will care and you are beautiful. Just be yourself, and cut yourself off from the people that don't care about you. It's extremely painful and difficult, but believe me, it's worth it.

    You find the best of friends when you're not even looking. You're not failing at making friends; maybe you're just trying too hard. For me, I had to be patient and wait for the friendship to form. And after a while, if you feel like you're being used, back out of the friendship.

    I met one of my friends five years ago, but we didn't start talking until I started going to her school. As for my other friend, we were in the same group for an activity, and we were both walking toward the back of the group away from everyone, and I said something about it to her. It took a while, but I became really good friends with both of them.

    Maybe you could try to find friends with similar interests as you. If you sing, talk to someone in your choir, or if you play sports, talk to someone on your team. Or if you're like me and fail at everything, you could talk to someone that's just as lonely as you are.

    Making friends is harder than people make it seem, but I've been where you are, and I believe you can do it. (*hug*)
     
  4. MaoKingofcats

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    Yea I know there are some jerks out there but I fully believe that you'll find your peeps and others that'll care about you c: Same like I only have three close friends irl. I only have out with one of them during school in Biology class but the other two sometimes we do stuff together outside of school. I don't know I just suck at making conversations with people I don't know that well/at all.
     
    #4 MaoKingofcats, Mar 31, 2017
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  5. Naos210

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    Aww, that was actually a cute response. I've always interacted with people of different interests. I'm in a choir, but I don't get along with really anyone in there. There was a girl I met there, we got along well (for some reason, I get along better with females), but because of our age difference (senior and freshman), our relationship was always something of a joke to people (a few thought we were dating, so our chemistry was certainly strong). But, we don't really get to talk much because we have no classes together anymore. There's never really anyone alone. Last time I interacted with someone who seemed lonely, it just led to a huge mess and he pretty much took my friends at the time away from me. They liked him more than me. Granted, I have a severe lack of identity, so I have trouble fitting in anywhere.
     
  6. Creativemind

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    In all honesty, high school is full of people who are just plain catty and immature. I had no friends whatsoever in high school. It gets better once you get to college, though I know it doesn't help to say that.
     
  7. RylanS

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    I know how you feel I honestly dont have many friends besides a few family members, I've closed myself off to people and it hurts. Never do the same to yourself.
     
  8. Lazuri

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    I'm the opposite. I either bond with people real quick or never really make any bonds at all. I can't make acquaintances or deal with them, I can just make personal and long lasting relationships. I don't make them often, though.
     
  9. Eyerene

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    I can relate to this. For most people, I am the last on their choice list to hang out.

    I eventually made friends with someone reliable, of whom is now my current best friend. We go to different schools, and even plan on going to different universities, but we always try to hang out either once every week or every two weeks. We always chat over text and kik.

    Anyway, my point is that it really does suck to be alone, but you will eventually find someone. When I realized that it wasn't that I didn't fit in rather that they didn't really care about me as a person did I stop hanging out with them for the most part. My recommendation for spending lunch time is to just sit by yourself, do something on your phone, read, write, draw, etc. Just make sure you do something distract yourself from being lonely while at work/school. I managed to do that for 2 years, so I believe you can as well. Eventually, you will find someone who understands you and actually cares.
     
  10. Ljjgreat2017

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    I wanted to develop a social life for this spring semester but things haven't been going in my favor. So I'm very unhappy about that.
     
  11. Naos210

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    Well, here's the thing. While I can make female friends pretty easily, the ones I tend to spend time with most... that leads to romantic feelings sometimes, which is never good for platonic friendships. And making male friends has never been easy for me. I actually get made of by guys a lot of the time. So, I have these boundaries that really don't let it work...
     
  12. Weregild

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    Yea. I talk to some people, but I still feel empty and shallow inside and I'm afraid of sharing my thoughts and feelings with them. I want to make meaningful connections but I resent the vulnerability that comes along with them.
     
  13. SHACH

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    I have some friends for which I am more of a priority now but I have felt this a lot in my life, and sometimes I just had nobody. It gets better; it becomes both less jarring and far less common to have such a problem as you go through the older years of school and into uni, as long as you keep the will to keep putting yourself out there. Theres a certain age where people seem just to be twats all the time, but it passes.
     
  14. Canterpiece

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    Personally, I used to have this problem a lot in Secondary school (11-15 years old- I just turned 16 on the last few days of school) back then most of my "friends" were simply people I hung out with to avoid being bullied, even though that happened anyway so I guess it was more to avoid worse bullying.

    My so called friends would often fight about petty things with each other, and I usually felt ignored in the group because of it. I was simply just there, existing, rather than feeling connected to what was going on. That only really changed since I went to College (I started at 16 and I'll be 18 when I leave) people were less petty, I've actually found friends here that I like, don't get me wrong- there were a few people I liked at secondary, but a great deal of the people I called a friend are no longer what I deem a friend to be now.

    I have friends now that notice when I'm upset, and aren't massively homophobic arseholes. Sometimes I wonder if the reason I was outed, even though they said they wouldn't tell, on the last days of Secondary was because I refused to do one of the particular girls' that outed me course work a few days before, but surely not right? Perhaps she just wanted to gossip, I guess I'll never know since I went on to cut both girls out of my life after I left school. :slight_smile:

    As for advice, I don't really know what age you are, and I think my advice would partially depend on that. I know for me school was a difficult process, one that I wouldn't want to repeat- bitchy friends, unexpected outings, bullying, homophobic teachers and classmates, feelings of isolation and deep sadness. I'm so glad it's finally over and I'm out of that place now. :eusa_danc
     
    #14 Canterpiece, Apr 24, 2017
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  15. Suomi

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    I don't have any friends. So I guess.