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Closest Friend Said Goodbye

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by radioqueen, Mar 27, 2017.

  1. radioqueen

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    Hello,

    I guess it is time I share my troubles. The reason I joined this site. The thing I mention but kind of skirt around talking about in almost every post I make.

    I really need support and advice. At the bottom I have listed my questions, and what I need advice on. I have done so many revisions on this. It would've been an extreme monster post of details and backstory if I hadn't.

    I dated a girl I love—or maybe am infatuated with—for three months. Of course we had known each other before then, but not for long. It's been four months and we'd been friends up until a few days ago.

    To avoid backstory, I will tell you that I sent this girl (who I will call Ladybug) a long list of negative emotions that I felt because of one of her friends. Long story short, she (calling her Ant) was the person I would eat lunch with until I met Ladybug. We would sit together alone, and I told her all of my problems, including my crush on Ladybug. Once we got into the group situation with Ladybug and some other people, Ant and Ladybug would dominate the conversation. That, and a number of things, including jealousy and some really offensive comments, caused me to tell her I didn't like her anymore (which wasn't the best move, but I can't take it back). She removed herself from the group so she didn't have to be near me, and Ladybug would leave us (including me and her best friend) to hang out with her every other day.

    I sent this list a couple days ago. I asked her for advice if I should send it to Ant (probably also a really bad move). I knew Ladybug would be biased, but I didn't think she would get angry with me—she was never angry with me. I thought I was in the position to tell her anything. She had told me less than a week prior to this that we would be "venting buddies," and we would talk to each other about our problems. She told me this after I said I was going to distance myself from her because all we talked about was our problems and I didn't want to put that pressure on her.

    She didn't say anything about her problems afterwards, though. It was me, just sending her stuff through my good and bad moods, and she didn't respond to most of it. She had a history of not responding when we were girlfriends, but it was never like this. Towards the beginning of our relationship she had gotten back to me whenever she could, but eventually she started ignoring me (which has been confirmed by her). This happened more and more and eventually she would only respond if it was a very convenient time for her. If it happened while she was out to eat or anything like that, she wouldn't ever respond unless I texted her again hours later.

    Getting closer to today, she would barely respond at all. I should've taken it as a warning sign. When I sent her this list, she didn't respond. I sarcastically told her she'd been very helpful, and then she said she'd never been helpful. I told her I might distance myself from her, and she said, "You know what? Go ahead." I texted her a bunch of stuff about how I love her, and she said goodbye to me.

    I started crying after this happened, and I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. I tried to get onto a suicide prevention chat, but it took too long and I just texted some old friends and one that was a part of our friend group. This friend told me that there may have been a misunderstanding, that Ladybug thought I didn't want to text her. A day after this happened, I would smile and be distracted momentarily but my mind would always come back to Ladybug and my smile would fade.

    I really connected with her when she did respond, and I think I've come up with a solution—I think since the problem was texting, we could only hang out in person and only use texting as a way to schedule those times. After all, I only ever see my best
    friend of 10+ years in person, never texting.

    Do you think it's worth giving a shot? What do you make of all this?

    I am sorry for this giant post. It's the shortest I could make it. Also I hope everything made sense.

    Bee
     
  2. radioqueen

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    Should probably clear up that Ladybug is the girl I dated, Ant was the friend I had before I met Ladybug. I told Ant that I didn't like her (as a friend) anymore, partly because of jealousy of her relationship with Ladybug.

    Sorry if that was confusing!
     
  3. Linkmaste

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    Okay, let's see if I got this right.

    You sent Ladybug this list. A negative list? Because you were jealous of Ant's relationship with Ladybug?

    First things first. I know that people take time to cool off. Give it a few weeks. That might seem long but it works.

    Second, when you do apologize, only listen to her side. Wait until she's completely finished. Then say what you want to. It helps to acknowledge what you did was wrong (if what I read was correct you were jealous so you tried to break them up).

    Finally, you seem younger by the post I'm reading. I know infatuations and loves seem like these 'forever' vibes but if you guys split apart, then that happens. You can pick yourself back up and move on.

    Just don't try to pick up the pieces if she's not wiling to do the same. Friendship takes two sides. Love takes two sides and a hell lot of superglue.

    By the way, is that that poppy girl in your profile pic?
     
  4. radioqueen

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    Hello,

    You did get this right.

    I mostly sent the negative list to Ladybug because I wanted some form of advice. I wanted to express my (negative) feelings to Ant but the last time I did that she left. I tried to get advice from friends who were not related to the situation and they said to tell someone about it first. Ladybug seemed the safest way to go.
    When I look back, it was a really really dumb thing to do. Why would Ladybug even say yes, go ahead and send this? She didn't want to start more drama.

    The jealousy bit was why I told Ant I didn't like her in the first place, but not why I sent the list to Ladybug. At least, I don't think.

    Yes, I am young, and it doesn't help that I've got such ridiculously low self-esteem that I need constant approval of what I'm doing. I'm always told that the teenage years are the hardest. In my short life they definitely are.

    Since joining this site a couple days ago I'm actually not that devastated anymore. Occasionally I'll get little sad pangs but they're fleeting. Since posting this, two friends who I couldn't really be in contact with for a while have reached out to me. I joined this website because I was sad, but now I'm posting my story because I have no idea if it's worth trying to be friends with Ladybug again. I will know in time though, I believe.

    I hope my story didn't come off as too childish. I'm in high school, at least. Maybe I should act more my age? I've realized I should probably stop relying on what I think I want or what I think is best and just get some realistic advice. If I had done that I wouldn't have blatantly told someone "I don't like you."

    I regret a lot of my actions in life. I hope someday I won't.

    Yes, that is Poppy. I don't particularly like her music but I do enjoy the utter absurdity of her videos. Some of them are almost satirical. She's not for everyone. :icon_wink

    Bee

    ---------- Post added 27th Mar 2017 at 11:18 PM ----------

    Ah! I forgot to mention your advice! Yes, a couple weeks will seem long but I think with my friends (and my therapist) I can get through it, if I still do want to be Ladybug's friend.

    Thank you for taking the time to reply!

    ---------- Post added 27th Mar 2017 at 11:25 PM ----------

    Oh jeez. Probably would've been important to say that I no longer go to their school. Though I'm sure you've gathered that by now.
     
  5. Linkmaste

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    1. Yeah hate Poppy but that's just because her voice irritates me. Definitely not for me.

    But that aside, teenager years are supposed to suck, supposed to be hard but you are supposed to LEARN from them. Yeah in order to learn you have to make mistakes. Not on purpose but naturally.

    Don't feel like you need approval at every point and turn. I was like that myself when I was younger and it ruined me. Do what you want.