Coming out at work?

Hey there. There is absolutely no reason for you to come out at work if you don't want to.

You shouldn't feel like you're hiding some people are very open about their lives and others prefer to keep their private lives separate from work.

 

I find that it's important for me to tell people that I'm gay because I want to feel unhidden to them. I want the feel free to be myself and not feel like I am censoring myself. Of course, at work, it's only to those that I regular share my life with. I don't just randomly tell people. If it's someone I consider to be a work friend, then I want them to know.

That's what works for me. ride:

 

I'm definitely struggling with this as well and because I spent a good part of my adult life identifying as straight I try really hard not to mention any boyfriends, so as not to confuse anyone. The hardest part is I realized I was gay after I started working at my current job so I feel like the window to tell people as a new person is gone. I did have one person recently tell me she saw me on an LGBT dating website, so she knows. I told her I'm fine with people knowing but have not been open about it and I have no idea if she is the kind of person who will tell others. Also, I haven't actually had a girlfriend or had any kind of romantic or sexual experiences with a female, so I'm only going off of what I feel I'm attracted to. I actually want people to know, especially because one of my co-workers I work very closely with is also gay and I would like her to know I understand what she's saying.

 

Wow thats a big issue surely if it's not affecting your work, why would it? There really isn't a need to be pressured into announcing to your colleagues you're gay. That should be something you choose to do in a time and place you're comfortable with. I've never known anyone announce at work hey guys I'm heterosexual just so you know! When you are comfortable with you, then and only then will you introduce people you like and trust into your personal life.
Work is just that work, they don't own you your personal life is just that personal.
Good luck in your journey of discovery x

 

I've always been out at work. I've never really come out to anyone there--actually the only people I've ever really come out to were my parents. I just kind of go about my business, it comes up and people figure it out. Never had an issue...

 

At my last job it was easy because I was dating a coworker (not that I recommend that, but....) I am at a new job now and I'm still struggling with that. Even more, my coworker now is friends with a coworker from my previous job through church, so I don't know if she knows or not. I don't find that I need to randomly tell people about my status, but I'm also working through my own emotions and who I am (yes, at this age). Two years ago, I considered myself straight. Today, I'm not even sure...hate labels, too. Do what feels right. I mean, I never told anyone I was straight previously. It seems odd to randomly share. But, do what feels right; however, you don't owe anyone any kind of explanation.

 

I have thought about this and like you haven't had a relationship yet (with a woman). I have been thinking that in the future if I met someone and it was serious that I would consider then what to do. And this would involve any partners feelings as to how they wanted to move forward too. I am only out to one friend. She is my rock at the moment.

I realised later in life that I am attracted to women. I have grown children and have never been completely happy being with a man. I fell for a woman (unreciprocated) and that has opened up a new world for me. One in which I no longer want to live alone. Which I have done now for many years, and had resigned myself to being alone forever.

I am going to see how my future unfolds. If I meet someone then it will be telling my family first and then my close friends. With regards to work it's no ones business but yours. They have no need to know. It's not a case you are hiding anything or being untruthful... it is simply none of their concern. And when you feel ready, and if it comes into the conversation then it should be nothing more than you just telling them that you have a girlfriend... and it shouldn't make any difference to them. It wouldn't to me if someone I worked with said so. Good luck with what you decide to do, please let us know how you get on xxxx

 

Sounds like that if you want to come out then I think the best situation is whenever the issue comes up naturally, like during the LGBT rights, you could perhaps bring up a personal experience or how you personally feel about it.

 

I'm not out at all at work, and I dont think I would come out. I am super private about everything, so thats really the reason. There was someone that did this recently at work, being both gay and married. I think its awesome that theyre out, but its a very personal decision. I also dont think its needed.

---------- Post added 26th Mar 2017 at 01:49 PM ----------

By the way this person didnt say "hey all, I'm gay" they were just talking and she said "my wife" when discussing whatever it was we were talking about.

 

I would like to be out at work but my place of work is not LGBT-friendly and being out could cost me my job. If that's not an issue, though, I would say go with what feels most comfortable. People don't need to know about your private life if you're not comfortable sharing it, but if you are feeling stifled by not being open you can simply answer honestly when people ask you questions about your life outside of work.

 

Hi Sabrinaa, Your story sounds familiar to me. I realized I was gay three years ago and have never had a serious relationship with a woman. I am out to my close friends and my mom -- but no one at work. Gay or straight, I don't want to talk about the dating scene to people at work. Not appropriate for me. (I am single and have only dating one woman.)

Workplace talk is just that -- talk. There's a few people at work I genuinely like, but I've had no incline to reveal "I am gay." People will think what that want to think. For now, some things don't need to be said out loud. Even my boss is gay but I have NO desire to talk about it with her.

You co-workers sound a little immature to label people as you described. If it was me, I would not reveal anything. Your sexuality is only a part of who you are, at work you don't have to share anything. (I do not like labels either.) Don't pressure yourself just because you work with and spend time with them. It's a job and you can set the borders.

 

I never came out at work. It honestly just never has come up. I may have in conversation referred to my girlfriend to a couple people. Im fairly quiet and dont have a job where i have tons of time to chat with coworkers anyway. If it came up I would tell them I was. Otherwise really see no reason to come out. The only reason I might be reluctant to come out is I feel when some women know you're gay they automatically think your checking them out.

 

My strategy is not to hide it, not to shout it. You don't need to cover yourself in rainbow colors but you can still react when you hear homophobic comments.

 

It depends on the workplace. Steel mill I never came out before I know the guys there would harm me and harass me.

However this new place is a college and they are very open. I only mention it if the topic comes up or someone asks me. Honestly, they don't care haha.

 

I think I would find out what people's attitude to LGBT stuff is first, before making myself vulnerable. It can be difficult to gauge, as sometimes people who you think are educated, come out with some quite homophobic statements. However, I think I would also try to distinguish between casual homophobia and active hatred. I think the casual kind is not driven by deep hatred, but by social conditioning. However, it makes me feel very uncomfortable to witness even casual homophobia now that I have reidentified myself privately as bisexual. I suppose the first step might be to allow your own tolerance and acceptance of LGBT people to show up unequivocally if related issues arise in conversation. I once rather provocatively corrected someone who had made the assumption that a man in a senior position, whom they didn't know, had a wife. I added, smiling "or husband". I was feeling more than usually daring that day. You could see the internal cogs turning as the person received this statement. I guess I was just flagging up "Don't automatically assume anything: just because I wear a dress and eyeshadow, that doesn't necessarily mean I am what you think I am!"

For me, though, the most important thing in my decision to tell someone is the closeness of my relationship to them. If it were a work colleague who was sharing their life stories with me, I would hope to find an opportunity to let them know...But I would try to judge how safe first...Once you've come out to someone you can't reverse the process. Also, I think the issue is far more pressing if you are actually in a same-sex relationship. I don't think I'd feel at all happy about hiding something as fundamental as that about myself then.