Ok, so I've always had trouble when it comes to relationships. I've only ever had one sustaining relationship, and everything since has just been crushes that ended poorly or awkwardly. Hell, the last person I even thought about asking out killed herself and I wasn't there for her... The point is: It's starting to scare me. I'm terrified by the idea of even liking someone, because I just KNOW it's going to end horribly. What I want to know, the whole reason I'm explaining any of this, is how others have dealt with similar fears. At this point I'm pretty damn close to just giving up, and I could really use the help.
Hey Qwertuvle, You're at an age when most romantic relationships only last a short time. How about trying to look on the positive side and find lessons to learn in each relationship that fails in order to do better or not make the same mistakes in the next relationship. However, you first have to start with a positive attitude going into any new relationship. If you go into a relationship expecting it to be doomed from the start you are likely to make that a self-fulfilling prophecy because you will be focused on finding reasons that the relationship will fail right from the start instead of focusing on and reveling in the things that make you enjoy just being with your gf/bf. Is part of your fear a fear of emotional consequences when a relationship ends? I'm very sorry to hear that the last girl you considered asking out killed herself, but you can't blame yourself for the actions of others, nor should you try to take any responsibility for others' actions. I hope some of the helps you.
I was obsessed with the same woman for four years. I'm slowly starting to heal from her rejection and am realizing that I don't fear liking someone because i have already liked someone to my fullest potential and although it was scary and i was obsessed, i was passionate but also depressed. i made her rejection a way to better myself kind of like saying, look how much better than you I am and saying you don't deserve me, why did I even like you, what was i thinking? kind of thing. would i like to experience the same hurt and rejection that I received from her? no. but would i like to feel the same passion and obsession for another person? yes. especially if that person feels the same way about me. overall, liking someone is like a roller coaster, it's all about the thrill of the ride, not the end result
What you have said really makes a lot of sense. I'll try my best to apply your advice the next chance I get!^^ Sometimes It's just a little overwhelming, but I'm sure I can power through. Even more so with helpful strangers like you by my side. You have no idea how much your advice really means to me..
Maybe giving up for now will be of more help than anything else. Think about it. Right now, your mindset is stuck on "any relationship is doomed". That comes from somewhere. Once you have worked on finding where that came from and once this belief is undone, you'll be able to resume finding love (even if it's the teenage kind that's more experimenting than anything; but hey, as long as it's healthy and feels good on the moment; even if it ends you'll have had a good time, unless you want only one relationship in your life. You do you). Despite (or because of?) the tragic circumstances surrounding your past crushes, and your love life so far, I empathize and identify with some of what you said. I (mostly) gave up on finding love and dating because some things right now are preventing me from having a fulfilling, honest and mutual relationship, and, since I know these things will take time to deal with, a few years at least, I had to accept that I'll miss out on the teenage romance experience. I believe I'll poison any relationship I'll ever enter until those things are dealt with. How did I deal with the fear of messing up every relationship? I gave up on them for now to focus on hobbies and friends (and school). Being desperate is normal, but won't get you anywhere (I learnt that sentence in Hypocrisy 101 classes). Rather, try to focus on things other than relationships, and also, on undoing the mindset that you're stuck with right now. Good luck, things will get brighter when you find the light switch.
