1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How Much Time Should I Give Him?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by William, Mar 16, 2017.

  1. William

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2013
    Messages:
    223
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan,USA
    Hi all.

    There's this guy who've I've been talking to since like August of last year and by "talking" I just mean flirty texts/Snapchats and everything. He'd been avoiding hooking up with me for the longest time, but I didn't take offense to it at first because he did have a boyfriend and he did warn me he doesn't want to hop right back into sex, which is fine. But like, at one point he'd say yes and then flake.

    During a debate conference, we made out and fooled around a little and we both enjoyed it. He told me that he wanted to have sex, and be mindful that before then he had said he wanted an emotional connection before having sex so that was a big deal. He also said that I was the first person he's done anything with since his ex. The next week, we talked a lot more and I started to kinda like him and one night we stayed up texting until like 1:30 on a school night.

    That next week, he was high and he was saying like, how he sends nudes to every guy on Snapchat and it got me upset and we argued and got over it. Then he said that he's going into the city and might be fucking a frat guy and I told him that if he does, don't tell me because I'd get angry. That next night, he was sending me Snapchats of himself alone at this frat house and the first pic he sent had the caption "I'm alone at the frat house." I guess that was his way of saying I had nothing to worry about.

    We made out again, this time it got more intense and the next day I made a mistake. On Instagram, I put a picture with the caption "being cuffed is for losers" and he commented under it with a question mark, texted me kind of like "dude what the fuck" and I explained everything and I jokingly said "No one wants to cuff you bitch" then he said "Plenty of people do, just not you" and I was basically like...you're right. Fuck me, right?

    I apologized and admitted my feelings for him. We talked in person and was saying "It's nothing personal, it's just I think we should hold off because I need time to think and gather myself because I don't want to rush into another relationship like I did the last time." And of course he said "You can get with other people during this time" and that he needed to "get over his own shit." Fair right? Important note: His last and first relationship was his first love and he ended up getting cheated on. So naturally he's scared. I told him I would get with anyone while I was waiting.

    It's been about 3 or 4 weeks since we last talked and I check in every so often to tell him I still like him and to take his time. The last time I told him that I liked him he said "You know, I really wish I liked you too, but I'm still too fucked up over my ex" and I said like, if you wish you liked me then like me he then said, "If it was conscious I would, but it's subconscious."

    Listen. I understand he needs time, I really do, but it's been a while. I haven't talked to anyone since then and nor has he. How long should I give him? Like I want to like him and I was to be with him, but I also don't want to wait this long only to tell me that he doesn't want to go through with it or he doesn't like me in general. I need help.
     
  2. SemiCharmedLife

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,062
    Likes Received:
    85
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    This guy has too much internal stuff going on to wait around for. If he comes around he comes around but you shouldn't feel any obligation to wait for him
     
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have to agree with the previous poster, but I'd put it even stronger. This is bad news, and if it were me, I'd be gone long before now.

    The first red flag was that he was flirting with you while in a relationship with someone else.

    The second is that he is all over social media and elsewhere trying to hook up

    If you try to cultivate a deeper relationship with him, I can near guarantee he will cheat on you and you will end up really unhappy.

    This may also bea chance to look at yourself. Usually, the reason someone goes for a person like him is that they don't feel like they deserve someone better and healthier. So this could be a wake up call for you to look at yourself and do some self-work so you do better at attracting healthier people.
     
  4. Gallatin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2011
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Southeast US
    I couldn't agree more with Chip on all points. If he was talking to you while still with someone else, that is a tremendous red flag and a predictor of what he would likely do to you if you and he were in a relationship. Not to mention that he still seems to be very much dealing with feelings towards his ex. I started to get involved with someone like that and it quickly became clear that he wasn't ready to invest in any type of meaningful relationship. At the end of the day, you'll be pouring your time, your emotions, your heart into something while he won't be. And that's not something you want to be a part of.
     
  5. resu

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    If you have to ask, it is too much time. I agree that instead of waiting on him, you should spend your time on yourself. Remember time can't really be given/taken; it passes no matter what happens. This guy is not your only chance.