Question for Other FtM's

I don't find it toxic. Can't talk about feelings or show them at all. But I prefer it that way.

 

I didn't try to impress them, but I loved to fight. I would sometimes pick fights with guys twice my size for no reason. There was definitely some rivalry. I didn't care if I lost to girls but no way would I let myself lose to another boy. I was completely defeated when I learned that I could never be the strongest in the world because I was a girl. I would do 30-40 pushups every day only so that my brother would never be stronger than me and beat me in a fight.

 

100% me omg

 

I didn't read every reply, but I had to jump in. Yes, 1000% yes. Some posters specified not *trying* to impress, which I think is what everyone here means. Wording can be tricky. Trying just comes naturally, you know? I still do it, actually. Yesterday I lifted every heavy thing that needed brought up from the basement at work because I was tired of them sending the guys and assuming I'm some dainty flower just because I'm still female on the outside. It's just like this competitive streak I have, and I used to have way more guy friends than girl friends because I behaved identically to all the boys. In high school, I sat at a table of all guys. I was known as "Tank" in middle school from beating kids up and arm wrestling on the bus (and winning, hahaha). And yet, guys still hit on me all the time (even now when I'm married with a guy hair cut), so I guess it's not the "I'm literally a guy" turnoff that some people would think it is. *shrugs* I just wish people would see that I'm not *like* one of the guys, that I *am* one of the guys. It sucks not being able to transition. I just confuse people. They think I'm a lesbian, then find out I'm married to a dude. I do like women, but I'm a bisexual guy, and I feel like they'll never see that.

 

I didn't have to impress them, i was just ONE of them, nobody ever told me "no you can't, you're a girl" or anything like that. We just all played soccer, or football in the street