Am I actually bi, or is this actually just a phase?

I am gay, or at least I can only see myself with a man, but recently I've discovered that women turn me on too.. It's been a bit hard to accept.. People are born with a sexual orientation and also with a degree of sexual flexibility, and they appear to work together. So there are gay people who are very fixedly gay and there are gay people who are more fluid, meaning they can experience attractions that run outside of their orientation. Likewise for heterosexuals. Fluidity is the capacity to experience attractions that run counter to your overall orientation. I think we should just enjoy the ride, wherever it leads us, and never spend a day shaming ourselves for who we are.

 

Not so little, I think. That's the sort of thing that, if it's part of you, will stay part of you.

My guess is, to answer your question, yes you are actually bi.

Sorry if this comes off as quick and glib, esp. after your voluminous post. But that's the point: you gave enough info for us (me I mean) to recognize the signs.

 

This is so me.
The looking up to female celebrities, wanting to kiss and touch my best friend, lesbian youtubers, questioning whether or not I'm just trying to fit in, feeling like I'm influencing myself with LBGT content...literally everything. I honestly could've written this.

You're soooo NOT alone and I definitely went (and still sometimes do) through denial. I think you're just starting your road of accepting yourself. You said you're bummed at the thought that you're straight, well in my experience that's because you're not 100% straight.

I'm not 100% sure how this website works, but if you ever want to chat, message me??

 

What she said.

 

I've been having a similar problem for years! Though I've pretty much settled it now.

In high school a large number of my close friends were openly not straight, so 9th grade is when I started to consider that maybe I wasn't either. But I convinced myself for a couple of years that I was just making it up to try to fit in with my friends, I never told anyone (and I'm still not out to anyone). I also have never dated anyone, male or female, so I kept telling myself that without any experience I couldn't really tell anyway. What really got me to accept that I was was bi and i wasn't just making it up, was that (4 years later) it didn't go away. And not only that, my attraction to girls got more noticeable the more I allowed myself to think that way.

It's so nice to see that I'm not the only one who's been thoroughly confused by all this at one point or another. Just take your time and I'm sure you'll come to your own conclusion at some point, there's no need to feel rushed

 

Hello

I am an old straight guy. My wife is bisexual. I have spent a long time trying to understand her. I admit I don't understand her, and the best I can say is I accept her. She has been out as bisexual for 25 years.

Mary, it seems, was a very sexual minded child. Her experiences may not have much bearing. When she was 12 she went from wanting to kiss her girlfriend to wanting to perform oral sex on her girlfriend. She resisted acting on it. Just after turning 14 she decided she wanted sex, with both boys and girls. Her ideas were to let boys do their thing, and for her to be highly aggressive with the girls.

Then a couple months after she turned 14 her church got involved in some sort of intervention and she became pretty much asexual, and forgot her homosexual interests.

So, here she is at the age of 61, openly bisexual now for 25 years. She says if you think you want to kiss a girl, go for it. Kissing is wonderful. You should be able to kiss anybody you want to.

She also says never ever try to overthink it. Do not try to decide what you want to be. You cannot control who you are.

She repressed her feelings from the age of 14 to the age of 36. We knew something was wrong, and she saw therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists, until one day the dam burst in her and she remembered. It's been a rough road, but no healing could start until she finally remembered her real feelings.

Be well

 

Hey!

You're definitely not the only one and yes, I definitely agree that we have really similar stories! It's kinda scary how similar they are haha. Oh yes everyone is sooo supportive on here! It's made me so much more confident and feel less alone.

Well, I first questioned my sexuality when I was 14 years old. My best friend at the time was always on my mind. I bought her gifts, transferred classes so I had more time with her and I even came out to her (without mentioning how much in love I was with her). I just really wanted to be special to her.
After that we had an argument (unrelated to my feelings and questioning sexuality) and we stopped being friends. We were actually super mean to each other. And I went back to 'liking' guys. My crushes on boys lasted all of 10 secs and I never really wanted to do anything with them. When i think back, I just thought they were cool and I wanted them to accept me or they had just paid me attention.
Fast forward 5 years and many small moments of questioning here and there, and I started watching a tv show with a closeted lesbian in it. Her story really moved me and suddenly all my feelings for my friend and celebrities over the years became more clear. Honestly, everything kind of made sense to me. My favourite characters were always gay, and I was a huge 'ally'. There were many more things as well like how I would compliment all my female friends all the time etc.
This was about 6 months ago. After this revelation, I started watching lesbian you tubers, tv shows with lesbians in them and listening to Tegan and Sara. *typical*
Because of all this lesbian content, I felt like maybe I was influencing myself to be gay or because of that one character I really related to, I was just trying to be more like her.
I wrote about this here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/general-support-advice/228984-im-so-confused-unsure-overwhelmed.html
Everyone's advice was super helpful for me.
Anyways, the best advice I got was to imagine who I wanted to end up with and for me that's a woman. Don't get me wrong, I still have many days where I question myself and I'm still in denial, but 6 years is a long time to question myself and I do really love women.
I'm sorry for the long reply, but we are all on our own journeys and the more we talk about it, it does really make it easier.

 

Just understand that sexuality is a complicated and differing concept. Some people don't understand their own sexuality because their feelings tend to "switch" or come in waves. Sometimes, gay or straight attractions can come in big waves and then it may feel like a big wave was released. Sexuality is a difficult thing to grasp because it is on a spectrum. If you are unsure of your sexuality, that is nothing to be ashamed of or stressed over. You must take life slowly.

I can't say for sure if it is a phase. But I can relate to that experience. I questioned my sexuality in high school. During that time, it seemed like my feelings were all over the place.

 

So sorry for taking forever to reply. Busy time lately.
It's pretty crazy how similar we are in our stories. Yeah I definitely agree. I struggle a lot with denial and bargaining even though I'm technically out with my parents. (That's a whole other can of uneducated worms).
I LOVE TEGAN AND SARA. I'm literally listening to them right now haha.
You seem like a really cool person and I'm so glad it's getting a little easier by talking about it. I'm really glad you found the link helpful. It was a lot easier to link than try and explain it all haha.

 

"Still, I'm concerned that this is just not real, and that I'm kind-of making it up...? Especially because some days I'll go from thinking "I'm DEFINITELY bi!", to the next day being all, "Eh, or I'm not. God, what if I'm actually not?!" After all, I've been consuming all this media/YouTube stuff about sexuality over the past few months, so I'm thinking that maybe it's just having a bigger influence on me than I thought, and that - subconsciously - maybe I DO actually want to just fit in with the rest of the people I watch online. In that case, maybe this is just a kind-of "phase" that I'm going through, and that I'll eventually get over this, and end up being straight after all (which kind of bums me out...?) Like, is this is all just because I've always thought of myself as different, and this is my way of wanting to be "different"?"

Not sure If I'm using this quote thing right (probably not) because it is my first time replying to a post but I just wanted to say I can relate to your story for almost a 100%. Especially the part I quoted above. There are these days I just want to talk to all my friends and burst out I'm bisexual because I'm so sure of it. But then the next day I'd wake up and think, you are just imagining this. I love watching/reading LGBTQ+ related stuff and often have a week spot for LGBTQ+ characters in TV shows/movies. On those unsure days I feel like I'm letting myself be influenced by all this media or something, but then I think of all the heterosexual things the media fills our minds with and end up even more confused.

I'm not sure I can really help you since I'm in the same situation and I actually have no clue what to do but I just wanted to let you know that reading your story made me feel kind of relieved to know I'm not alone with these kind of feelings and thoughts. If you ever figure things out I'd love to hear all about it or if you just want to talk you can always send me a message, because maybe talking about this might clear things up for us both.

 

We tend to think that there is only 3 ways to identify orientations. In actuality, it not that rigid. For example there is pansexual People who call themselves this feel that its the personality that interests and not the gender of the person they are with. Sexuality is fluid. you can be bi if and when you want. Who says you have choose and stick with the same orientation all your life.