Hi everyone. I'm new to the forum but am hoping this is the right place for me to get some advice. I'm bisexual and have known since I was very young. Life has been complicated for me, due to issues I won't go into here, but it's probably useful to know that I have PTSD and have had several trauma's in my life. One of those trauma's was a great deal of bullying and homophobia that I dealt with in school that have left me frightened to be myself. As well as starting to deal with these rather complex issues in therapy, I have recently come out to my immediate family (parents and younger brother 21). It was my hope that finally coming out and receiving acceptance from my family would help to get past some of my own feelings of shame and disgust at my sexuality, however this hasn't happened. Even though they know, I still feel like it's a secret and something I cannot talk openly about, despite having a very supportive family. I also still feel very uncomfortable with my sexuality and like I want to be able to change it? I am not publically 'out' at the moment - partially my own decision as I don't feel it would beneficial to me life currently (as I'm in a committed relationship with a man) but also partly because my mum asked me not to. She's a very private person and doesn't like information about her family to be shared on Facebook or turned into gossip. I understand that, and I also know she is trying to protect me from receiving unnecessary backlash or hate. She has no problem with me telling friends, or those close to me, but doesn't want me openly broadcast it in a way that would leave me open to attacks. I am now at a loss for what I can do to start accepting my sexuality and feeling comfortable with it. What can I do to start feeling okay about being bisexual? How do I reach a place I feel I can discuss it openly without feeling like it's a dirty secret?
Hi, HarleyMatsuoka. I'm coming out as bisexual at 41. Yes, really. I am still trying to feel comfortable with this aspect of myself. I just remind myself that love is love, we cannot choose to whom we are attracted and there is nothing wrong with having same sex feelings towards other adult women.
HarleyMatsuoka its sad to say it will always remain a secret for most of us. But what you can at least do is learn to accept it for yourself. If you want to talk about this in a more personal PM I would be happy to do so. I'm older as well and hope to get advice from other females too. I'm currently trying to accept things as well.
A couple of lines stood out to me in your post. Your 'shame and disgust' regarding your sexuality. Shame is such a paralyzing emotion, when we have shame about any part of ourselves, our being, it colors our whole world negatively. You had hoped telling your family would lessen this shameful feeling around your bisexuality but it did not. I imagine you could tell as many people as you want, even get all kinds of acceptance, but these feelings will not change until you accept it for yourself. There is nothing shameful about our sexuality, whatever it is. It sounds as though you have known from a young age that you were bisexual but have not accepted this, that must be a really hard burden to carry. Add to that the bullying and homophobia you endured, just must have been really difficult to go go through. You asked how to be able to talk openly about being bisexual without feeling like it is a dirty little secret. For that to happen you will have to accept this as a part of you, and as totally okay. Until then it will always be a 'dirty little secret' as long as you view it as a dirty little secret. And I know all this isn't easy, I had to work through my own self-acceptance that I was attracted to women (and I'm a 'late in life' lesbian--had been 'straight' my whole life.) But once I accepted this in myself, realized it was absolutely fine and simply who I am-- it was a true weight lifted off my shoulders. I'm sure you have the ability to come to self-acceptance too. The fact that you are sharing your story and struggles shows that you want to make change to how you feel about this issue. It's really hard to even type that first post and I commend you on doing just that! And yes you are in the right place to get some advice! EC is a great resource, others here are experiencing the same things and you will find support, I know I have!
