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Coming Out To Parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by thewizard, Mar 5, 2017.

  1. thewizard

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm pretty much out other than to my family members and grandparents. I'm having a really hard coming out to them because I've never really come out to people in person before. When I came out to my sister, I had to text her because she doesn't live with my family anymore. With one of my old friends, I had to come out to him over text as well because we go to different schools and it was hard for us to meet. At school, most people know from me telling them or by me being outed which I'm fine with because it makes less people for me to come out to. I just am struggling with coming out because I had some many emotions coming out to people over text that I don't know how I'll be able to come out to my parents in person. To make it easier, I don't lie to them about girls. My mom used to ask me if I liked any girls at school, but I said no so much that she stopped asking. I think my parents, at least my mom already know, and I think they'll be supportive, but it still frightens me. Any tips on coming out would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. idefygravity

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Lesbian
    I don't really have any super big tips on how to come out to parents- I came out to my mom on accident! However, I think there are some important things to think about:

    When is a good time? - You want to make sure that you don't tell them right before you leave for school or a club. Tell them at a time when there is still an opportunity for them to take time if they need to process and then come to you with any questions/thoughts.

    Is there a parent you're more comfortable telling first? - If you know that one parent already likely knows or is more likely going to be supportive, they could be a lot of help in letting the other parent know (assuming your parents are together, and even not this could still apply).

    Really, when you talk to them just be open and honest and know that they may need some time to really adjust. Sometimes, parents are just as supportive as you think they will be, sometimes not so much. Just try to keep a kind of open mind about it all.

    I hope it goes well when you do tell your parents!
     
  3. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey thewizard,

    To just add a little bit to the good advice that idefygravity gave you, it is normal to be scared about Coming Out to parents. After all we rely so heavily on their unconditional love and support.

    So only Come Out when you are comfortable doing so and if you are sure that there is no risk that they will disown you (which, from what you wrote, doesn't sound like an issue in your case).

    As to how to Come Out, you could just tell them (one or both at the same time), you could write a letter, you could play them a Coming Out song that you can find on the Internet, etc. Because it is often so hard for us to Come Out to loved ones, it isn't unusual for the words "I'm Gay" to just stick in the the throat. For that reason, it might be a good idea to at least have a piece of paper or note card with the words "I'm Gay" on it so that you can hand it to them if your throat tightens up and you can't get the words out.

    Also, you might want to check out the Coming Out section in the Resources here on EC:
    Empty Closets - Coming Out

    Just some thoughts.:slight_smile: