Hi everyone, I never thought I'd be in this exact position; asking strangers on the internet about help with my sexuality. Haha, I guess there's a first time for everything huh? I wanted to start here before I actually moved to people in my life. I've been straight all my life. Typical, average girl who has been in several straight committed relationships over the years. A couple months ago I become single again, and I just couldn't wait to be by myself. But over the last couple months I've started to have these thoughts, day-dreams and almost-fantasies about what it would be like to be with a woman. What it would be like to kiss her, cuddle, get naked and be in a loving relationship with her. When I've been around my female friends the closeness has been so nice, and while I don't necessarily have a crush on them, it's allowed that simulation of the platonic side of being with a woman. I'm not completely turned off from guys either though. I'm just of the opinion that if they're a beautiful soul, and you're happy with them then rock it! Now here's my million dollar question: How do you know for certain if your sexuality would align with that of being bisexual...? Since I've never been with a woman at all how do I know this is something I could want?? I feel like deep down this is what resonates with me. But how can I be bisexual if I've only ever been with guys... sigh. I'm not scared at all, I just want to have it sorted out haha. So this is where I need some advice: Should I start talking with other bisexual girls/guys and get their advice on what it means to have a sexual identity like this? Should I go on dates with girls to see if this is what I'm actually into? Can I be bisexual without ever having been with a woman? I know everyone's identity is 100% up to them and everyone's definition can be slightly different and that's okay. But I'm open to lots of opinions and discussion! Let loose people! (!)(!)(!) Thanks for your help (&&&)
Lol, your opening sounds like almost everyone's first post in here. Is it possible you're bisexual with everything you've said, even not having ever been with a woman before? YEP. I, like many others, was sort of in the same position as you: always having been with men, minimal to no experience with a woman (for me, not emotionally romantic, that is), and then finding myself attracted to women one day. For me, it was prompted by actually falling for a girl, but these are some things you may want to consider on your new self-discovery voyage: - being here and questioning your sexuality is always a great indicator that you're not as straight as you once thought. - who is straight? Sexuality is pretty fluid, I (yes just me being biased) like to imagine most people in the world are actually bisexual, even if they deny it or haven't thought about it enough for it to be apparent. - projecting a same sex coupled life onto your friends while you're just casually lounging around could definitely be a flag!ride: - fantasizing about women naked could also be a ride: You may or may not be into women. Going on dates would be a great way to find that out, if you're comfortable. I would just be honest with people if you're going to jump into it. Something else you can do is read/watch some same sex media and see if it's appealing or relatable. Not that there's anything too great out there...there's a book I'm reading called A Queer Chick's Guide. Maybe take that out. Also, YouTube! That's kind of not straight central for me. Idk. Hope some of that helps - welcome to EC!
hi FrailBeauty, you can be bi and go with either or it is the best of both worlds. I was married and endded up with a woman and had a great 10 year relationship. Now I am alone again but I am keeping my options completely open. The woman that I was with was a childhood friend she brought me out of the closet and transformed me.
And being bi doesn't mean an even 50/50 split. Personally I am kind of a 70/30 bi. 70% attraction to women and 30% attraction to men. Perhaps you still really like guys, but recently a few women have caught your attention in ways they haven't before. Which is how I kind of am, for a simple example if I am out and I find 10 people who I am attracted too, most of the time 7 of them are female and 3 are male. There are two guys who do roofing that are super hot, that I see when I am out making my deliveries. Also the petite freckle faced redheaded girl at urgent care is so adorable. Some days the numbers are different, but from trying to keep track so I can talk about it with my therapist, the 7 to 3 seems to be the average. The important thing about relationships is being happy and genuinely enjoying being with the other person mentally and physically. Getting excited about going to dinner or hiking in the woods with them, it is the wanting to spend time with them that makes a relationship. If they are the same gender that's cool and if they are the opposite gender that is cool too.
Wow, I want to really thank you all for being that "first person" I talk about this to. Thank you for being to accepting, safe and open with me for making this a good experience. Thank you for the book recommendation, is the author Lindsay Miller-King? I'm very excited to start talking those in the Queer/Bisexual/LGBTQ+ community about my sexuality. And I've never thought about bisexuality being 50/50. This makes a lot of sense and I appreciate your comments, thank you. I believe there is this double-edges sword with being bisexual. Half the time, you're "on the LGBTQ community" side when you're with a member of the same sex, and the other half of the time you appear to not identify since you're with an opposite sex individual. It feels like some serious internalized gaslighting going on here haha. Since I've never been with a women I feel like not a "real bisexual" if you know what I mean. I'm loving having some people to sort this through with though. Does anybody have some good advice on the first steps on figuring this out? Events, things to do/try... Is finding a community the most important first step? <3 <3
Yes. Lindsay King-Miller is the author of that book. It's a little monotone, but it has good info! I think staying on here and talking about your feelings is a good start. I'm trying to think of bi YouTubers. The only one I can think of is Rosie of TheRoxcetera. She's married to a woman named Rose. They're hilarious, but she is very vocal about her bisexuality. I'm sure there are many! I understand what you're talking about, but even if you never wound up finding the right woman and ended up with a man, it doesn't make you any less bi. If you like chicks. You like chicks! Download some dating apps. There's one specifically for women. See how you feel flirting around a bit.
