So I moved away almost two years ago. I have mixed feelings about where I live now but I'm still adjusting to the culture. I love being on my own though and the friendships I've made. My mom, however, had major surgery and will be sick and in recovery for months. I took over a month off from work and she's still in the ICU. Her future is uncertain, but I have one responsible sibling here with a full time job, relationship and a toddler. I have three other siblings who are unreliable, flaky and selfish. They've barely been to the hospital as is, and once I head back to work, ny one responsible sibling here will be left to fend for themselves. I feel guilty, but when I lived at home, I was often the one doing all of my mother's care. I don't want to live at home again, and I need to work to have money, so I cannot stay away from work any longer. My contract is up in july, so I'm wondering if I should even return. And if I do return, should I move home after the contract? Should I hold ny ground and stay where I am and just figure out my next move? What would you do? I love my mom. I'm very different from what she wants me to be, so that can be hard, but at the end of the day, there's love there.
It is not selfish to do what is best for you. Stay where you have your job. Your mom has someone else. It will be okay.
I'd stay where you are as well. Personally I wouldnt be prepared to do all your Mums care yourself its not fair. If it was me I'd write to all your siblings and ask to have a meeting and I'd ask everyone to do their fair share. If they wont engage then I'd be prepared to help out your sister now and again. However, its not fair on your sister to have to do it all either. I'd also be talking to her about what she wants to do and see the hospital social worker. Find out if your Mum would be better off in residential care or with home carers etc for support.
I wouldn't do it. You have a life where you live now, you shouldn't have to give that up for her. See what other options there are. Do you have extended family that could care for her? Talk to the hospital - someone above suggested asking if she could get residential care or a home carer, and I think that's a good idea. With either idea she could still have someone there all the time to help her but she could also have you and your sister occassionally drop in like on weekends or something to see her and help her out, like take her grocery shopping or something. The way i see it, with how it sounds like she'd probably behave you are under no obligation to take this all up on your shoulders yourself. See what options there are before you give everything up. Talk to your siblings too, and any extended family or family friends. Usually when someone's hospitalized like that where i grew up the neighbors would all offer to help and would bring over meals to eat. One time after my mom had surgery one of her friends even went grocery shopping for her.
Hey, I don't really know what kind of relationship you have with your mom, so my opinion might not necessarily align with how you feel, but if you're asking for advice, I think you should stay and take care of your mom. yes, you have your own life, and that life (or any future you have) doesn't have to disappear forever because you take a few months or however long to care for your mother. It sounds like you and your sibling are the only two who care enough to look after her. That's what love is sometimes; sacrifices. I'm sure there are things your mom may have sacrificed to be a parent? You should definitely try to work our a schedule with your other siblings so that you don't get overworked, but to completely leave (and leave your other sibling who's staying alone, and has a toddler, with all the responsibility) is just as bad. I know some ppl are suggesting assisted living, but has anyone ever been to one of those places? That's no way for anyone to live. The way you write it seems as if you don't know how your mom's condition is going to progress, and I think you'll regret it far more if you leave her than if you'd stayed and something bad happens. I'm speaking from personal experience with my own mom who I didn't know was hurting so badly until it was too late. I wish I could've been with her when she needed me, because no matter how hard it would've been for me it was twice as hard for her. If you ever want to talk about this any further you can totally PM me. Good luck with whatever you decide!
This is a difficult call. One thing I can tell you: If you choose not to do this, and your mom deteriorates and passes away, you might feel guilty about not having spent those last weeks with her. If you choose to do this, then that's time and memories you will create with her, and a quality of life she'll have that she might not otherwise have. You also have to weigh what you'll lose by moving back. Sometimes we lose the connection to the place we've "transplanted" ourselves; other times it's just a break. It depends on your connections there. Whether doing that to help her is worth the sacrifice for you, I can't say. I don't know your situation, what the level of resentment you feel is toward your siblings, or of having to take care of your mother, and so I'm not placing any judgment on the decision. I'm simply trying to help you think about how the choice might affect you (and her) in the future.
I moved back to my home country from Korea to help my sister take care of our parents. I lived abroad for nearly 7 years... so coming back home and moving back in was hard, I won't lie. Yes, I have had to make some drastic sacrifices and can't do certain things (meet friends as often as I would like, date, come and go as I want etc)... but I was away for so long so tough as it maybe, I have 7 years to catch up with them. We fight yes, but we're finding common ground. I think cherish the moments as others have said because of your mom passes away and you missed out, then it might be harder... Think it over... and follow your heart. Do what is best for you (and mom). Best of luck.
I'm really not sure. I won't be making any money if I move back. I won't be able to find a job while caring for my mom. Even being here now, my siblings go on with their lives, come and go as they please. I feel very stuck and I feel suffocated by that feeling. I would feel guilty about leaving, for sure. I just up and left my entire life since it was an emergency. I would have to pack my life up, break my lease, quit my job... That just feels like a lot. Leaving my mom feels like a lot.
I feel for what you're going through. There's really no "right" answer here.... it's one of those difficult ethical dilemmas with no good solution. The best I can suggest is to consider everything, and then go with your gut.
