What are you thinking?

I know - I tell myself that every time I wake up.

 

I don't wanna get out of bed. I'm so tired.

 

Today is one of those days where I let out a sigh before I got out of my car and trudged into the building.

 

Same here, especially the more venomous ones. Big bowl of no.

 

nobody ever sees me

 

Yep. We're out of the Champions League. Our boys are asked to play the day after someone tried to blow up the team bus with them in it, and then give up two goals in the space of about ten minutes. Two away goals. Which now means we need to score three in this game to win it, or blow the other team out of the water next week.

Our boys just aren't in this game at all. And after what happened yesterday it's not hard to see why. :icon_sad:

 

I wonder how this is going to end.

 

In a field full of clovers

Earbuds coming from China ugh I hate waiting

 

Got my tax return back from the accountant today...I'm getting about $280 back from the Feds, and I owed exactly $1 to the State of Michigan. It sure felt weird writing out a check for $1.

 

Thinking about how much I hate myself.

 

I can't stand my family

 

I have zero artistic inspiration right now and I feel kinda lost

 

Why is my brain so complicated

 

Your resident black-and-yellow bastard is ranting again, but for a legitimate reason.

Yesterday was terrible. Today was only marginally less terrible. My boys nearly got blown up yesterday and had to go play a game when they were still messed up in the head because of it. Don't really think it hit me how badly something like that can mess with you until I saw a picture of one of our usually stoic-as-fuck defenders crying on the field after the full-time whistle blew. I mean, this guy is so outwardly emotionless that it's practically a meme amongst BVB supporters; seeing him, of all people, visibly distraught is just freaking heartwrenching. A not-so-subtle reminder that these men are, at the end of the day, still only human. And then seeing shots of windows blown out of the bus; hearing about shrapnel embedded in the headrests of the bus seats where our players sat. It's a fucking miracle that "only" one player was injured, and he was lucky to escape with "only" a broken wrist and glass embedded in his arm.

This game should not have been played. This was a ridiculous, completely irresponsible decision on the part of UEFA. Fuck the result. Fuck the fact that we lost. I don't care. Our boys should have been given more time to process and work through what happened, instead of having to play a massive CL knockout match less than 24 hours after someone attempted to kill them. Some things are bigger than football and being targeted by a terrorist attack isn't something you can work through in 24 hours. But hey, to hell with the players and their mental well-being, as long as UEFA gets to line their pocketbooks, right?

And then after the fact, when it was revealed that this was, in fact, an Islamic terrorist who did this, having to hear all the idiots online who decided they wanted to bash all Muslims because of it and just sling hate around. Um, two of our current players are Muslim. Both were on that bus yesterday. One gave an interview after the game and could barely bring himself to talk about the actual game because he could barely think of football. Blaming all Muslims for this is a disservice to guys like him, who were just as affected by it as everyone else was.

I'm so freaking tired. I can barely keep my stupid eyes open. I really need to go to bed but I don't want to. It's been a long couple of days.

 

I wish I could sleep. And I wish I could feel better. Ah, late night thoughts.

 

Should I even bother with this paper?

 

I love making people cringe with my dad jokes.

 

Existential crisis time.

 

I've gone through this before.

This is hell on earth.