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Is cuddling considered gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by lost101, Feb 27, 2017.

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  1. lost101

    lost101
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    Would you consider cuddling with same sex for a few hours gay? I feel this girl is gay she wanted to hook up with me but I refused her because she was drunk but we cuddled all night what do you think?
     
    #1 lost101, Feb 27, 2017
  2. SimplyJay

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    Good move on refusing her because she was drunk. :slight_smile: Things like that are best done when you're both sober.


    ------
    As for the original question:
    Yep, I would personally would consider cuddling with someone of the same sex to be gay... Others probably have differing opinnions though.
     
    #2 SimplyJay, Feb 27, 2017
  3. Jax12

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    Cuddling is cuddling there shouldn't be a label associated with it.

    Although, I would argue that if someone would cuddle with another of the same sex, that does say something about who they want to be close with.

    I personally would not cuddle with someone of the opposite sex or any dude (he's gotta be attractive, right?)
     
    #3 Jax12, Feb 27, 2017
  4. Creativemind

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    Depends on the situation.

    Between two women, it can be common as a just friends thing. I never understood it.

    If she wanted to hook up with you though....that's a big indicator.
     
    #4 Creativemind, Feb 27, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2017
  5. lost101

    lost101
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    Now here's the thing I asked her if she wanted to hook up when she was sober and she said she didn't like me like that the next day she was all over my coworker and has been using him as a shield whenever I'm in the same area as her it's really weird do you think she's embarrassed about cuddling with a girl when drunk? Or did it freak her out that she liked it and went right for the first guy ? btw I've been told that I'm pretty attractive for a girl that likes girls think Megan fox type and a few people have told me she got drunk to get more comfortable with doing something with me cause she was intimidated sober what do you guys think? Why is she using this guy? And why did she drop all contact with me ?
     
    #5 lost101, Feb 27, 2017
  6. beenthrdonetht

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    To your first two questions, yes and yes. You're on to her. You might have to be the understanding one. She may have surprised herself.
     
    #6 beenthrdonetht, Feb 28, 2017
  7. Chip

    Chip
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    On the cuddling issue: I had a long talk with friends (1 straight, the others gay) about this some time back. I don't think there's a black-and-white answer.

    People who are simply good, close, nonsexual friends can absolutely cuddle and have it be completely nonsexual. But I think for that to happen without any awkwardness, there generally has to be a clear, well established understanding. Otherwise, one or the other party can end up either expecting that it means something else, or developing feelings, or whatever.

    Cuddling can also be an early prelude to something that develops into more. And without clear, advance conversation, and (I'd argue) a pre-existing friendship cultivated with boundaries, I think it tends to go more in the direction of having some sort of "charged" energy to it.

    I don't think cuddling when drunk is a wise idea. It's inherently very emotionally intimate, and the lowered boundaries when someone is drunk can make it easy for one party or another to end up feeling uncomfortable the day after, even if nothing other than cuddling happened.
     
    #7 Chip, Feb 28, 2017
  8. lost101

    lost101
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    That's what she said to she said she's uncomfortable being friends with me and is now dating this guy I'm not exactly sure what they are to each other but it upsets me she couldn't be upfront with me about what she's feeling or thinking she just told me to stop contacting her and we haven't talked since and whenever I get close to her he comes into the picture it's very odd but I was find being just friends she came onto me drunk but I just wanted her sober I wish I knew what I did wrong if anything the only thing I. An think is she knows she's gay but is struggling coming to terms with it

    ---------- Post added 28th Feb 2017 at 04:42 AM ----------

    And how can I be the understanding one when it's been two months and she seems to be having some sort of "relationship" friendship with this guy? It hurts to see that she's even into this guy even if it's friends but he broke up with his girlfriend and they seem to be ok with each other meanwhile she's been ignoring hasn't talked to me at all
     
    #8 lost101, Feb 28, 2017
  9. Iliricon

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    That situation sounds pretty difficult. Cuddling in itself is not gay, otherwise most of my friends would be gay (sadly, most of them aren't :-( ). Many people actually like the comfort of another body, without being particularly aroused by it. Being drunk can absolutely help, because it lowers societal inhibition about touching.

    Big BUT: The social implications of cuddling are such that it is pretty rare for people to "just" cuddle. My friends and me are seen as weird everywhere outside of university, because of our closeness. So I would add that a lot of people would only consider same-sex cuddling if they ad same sex attractions. Then again, I love it, but I'm gay ... And I don't like intimate cuddling with a girl, because of where she might think it will lead.

    I think she might be attracted to you, but does not want to face that fact. You have two options, both of them not perfect:
    Either you confront her directly and ask. Depending on your situation and everything around you that might be horribly out of line though.
    Or you drop it. You cannot force anyone to accept something like that about him*herself imho.
     
    #9 Iliricon, Feb 28, 2017
  10. lost101

    lost101
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    Well I recently found out that she's been having that guy sleep over her house I guess that's my answer I just can't believe that she went from us being friends and cuddling one night drunk and we had a good time to her being with this guy and now she hates me and has this guy constantly be a shield or barrier when we're in the same room doesn't he see that she's into girls? I mean wouldn't he know that something happened between us and we'd were intimate and not get involved? It's just crazy I just am in shock with the way she handled it all she had to say was that she was dating this guy and didn't think we could be friends if he felt he didn't want us to be friends so she ruined a friendship with me and also that night we spent cuddling all because she couldn't be honest with me she also said she was moving out of state in which I hung out with her trying to get her to stay that was the whole point of us hanging out the night we got drunk she then said she was leaving sooner noe all of a sudden after a month with this guy she's in love and staying and I have to endure the situation wondering what happened and if this is something people struggling with their sexuality go through I just know I never hurt anyone when I was coming to terms with myself has anyone else hurt someone when struggling with their sexuality?
     
    #10 lost101, Feb 28, 2017
  11. lost101

    lost101
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    And you're right thinking about it now I think it's best to drop it I'll only end up hurting myself more I just wish society was different and it wasn't so difficult for people to express their attraction to the same sex instead people are forced to live a lie
     
    #11 lost101, Feb 28, 2017
  12. fjs

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    I do not believe cuddling in it self is sexual. It depends on the context of the cuddling.
     
    #12 fjs, Feb 28, 2017
  13. beenthrdonetht

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    No, and no. At least not necessarily, even not likely. People can be very blind. He might be quite clueless about all the stuff swirling about you three.

    Sorry, but I do agree with you agreeing with Iliricon. Let it go. Even if they broke up tomorrow and she came running back to you, you would probably discover more issues just like the ones that upset you this time.
     
    #13 beenthrdonetht, Feb 28, 2017
  14. lost101

    lost101
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    I guess I'm upset because she flaunts this relationship with this guy that they're so happy etc together
     
    #14 lost101, Mar 1, 2017
  15. Creativemind

    Creativemind
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    Also, most men I encounter are not respectful toward lesbians or bi women. They think being with other women is "hot" but that all lesbians will want a man one day. Being with other women doesn't threaten their relationship, and they frequently say that their girlfriends can sleep with other girls since it doesn't count.

    To the OP, you need to let this girl go. Even if she is into girls, she's choosing this guy at the moment. It's not good for your mental health to allow yourself to be strung along.
     
    #15 Creativemind, Mar 1, 2017
  16. lost101

    lost101
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    You're right I've noticed most men don't respect that either in fact he brought up the movie chasing Amy to me one day before I found out they were sleeping with each other and the movie is about a lesbian that sleeps with a guy so you're right and it's not good for my mental health
     
    #16 lost101, Mar 1, 2017
  17. beenthrdonetht

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    Just wait.
     
    #17 beenthrdonetht, Mar 1, 2017
  18. EverDeer

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    I'm definitely the type of person who requires a certain level of platonic physical intimacy with a person in order to have a comfortable emotional bond with them, so no I wouldn't consider cuddling gay in the sense of it always being out of SEXUAL (homosexual) attraction. I don't consider cuddling to be a sexual act, however boundaries differ from person to person, and definitely depend on the reasoning behind them. Like, you might cuddle with someone whom you're attracted to sexually as a way to release that sexual attraction / tension, but that doesn't mean you're sexually attracted to every single person you cuddle with.
     
    #18 EverDeer, Mar 1, 2017
  19. lost101

    lost101
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    I believe it was sexual on her part because she said she'd have sex with a girl as long as it felt good that sex is just sex now I've heard that some people look at sex as an addiction when in denial of being gay cause they dissociate themselves from true intimacy because they have such intense internalized homophobia so it might be what's going on with her
     
    #19 lost101, Mar 1, 2017
  20. heythere999

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    At least in America, between girls it's normal to cuddle and be super affectionate. Guys are a different story, though.

    No matter what tho cuddling alone isn't enough to determine someone's sexuality.
     
    #20 heythere999, Mar 2, 2017
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