My boyfriend and I have known each other for years and were best friends until recently. I may be getting ahead of myself, but I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with him. However, as the title of the thread states, being around him exhausts me. I feel like every time I'm around him, I'm constantly strained. My only theory on why I feel like this is my anxiety and my generally awkward nature. I don't know if I'm just over thinking things, or if it's just that I'm in my first serious relationship. I'm just genuinely confused and terrified. I'm terrified of fucking up, I'm terrified of ending up in an unhappy relationship like my parents, I'm terrified of him hurting me, intentionally or unintentionally. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hey! I'm in my first serious relationship, too, so I get what you mean when you said that you're anxious about what's going to happen. Now I wouldn't say that you're over-thinking, but that's exactly what I did when I first got together with my girlfriend. I was good friends with her before getting together, too, so when I was first with her I thought everything would totally change and I'd have to be more serious or something. Saying that "you should relax" may sound kinda lame, but that's what helped me the most. I like to think of my partner as a really REALLY good friend than something extremely serious (it makes me feel anxious). After all, I wouldn't think that a person and their partner change a whole lot when they first get together. TLDR; Viewing my relationship as more of a casual, intimate bond rather than a serious thing helped me when I was first anxious about entering a relationship. c: P.S. I'm about your age, so yah I'm no pro but I'm just leaving my input here. Good luck!
The thing is, it is serious to me. I'm mentally ill, and I have experienced emotional abuse since I was young. I'm terrified of scaring him away. It doesn't help that I'm not exactly a prize catch, if you know what I mean.
If you are an introvert, being around people can be fatiguing. It doesn't mean you don't want to be with them, but you may need to be alone in order to recharge your batteries. I'm both and introvert and have social anxiety. I need alone time, which is easier said than done for me. Plus, you're young. I'm not going to say that you shouldn't worry about getting serious to early. I get that having a stable relationship when it sounds like things haven't always been stable, can be beneficial. But I do recommend that you make sure to have an interest or more that you do for yourself. Just because you are part of a couple doesn't mean you can't also have interests or activities outside of it. In fact that is a sign of having a healthy relationship.
Have you told your boyfriend about how you feel? (you don't have to, maybe it might help prevent any misunderstandings?) I've never been in a relationship, and I don't want one right now partially because I want to focus on becoming emotionally confident and financially independent (and well. genuinely myself, how cheesy). My abusive dad has made me becoming those things above much more difficult, and he continues to burden my mom and my brother as well. That also makes me afraid of having relationships in the future, but I try to surround myself with people with healthy relationships and remind myself that I have time to figure things out, so I don't feel so hopeless. (maybe we have something in common?) Past hardships don't mean you can't have a healthy relationship. I think it might be helpful to try to relax and just hope for the best Good Luck! :icon_bigg
