This is physically ruining my life and I need help.

Hgsashgs, I'm new myself to the forum, but I've gone through something very similar to what you're going through right now! My word of advice: Give it time, and accept whatever your heart tells you.

 

Hey Hgsashgs,

There are many things that can affect sexual drive. For example, have you started taking any medications (such as antidepressants, etc) since you started to lose your attraction to women? Can you identify anything that has changed significantly in your life since you lost your attraction to women?

It is also possible that you have been subconsciously suppressing your true sexuality and it is beginning to emerge, but you have a lot of internalized homophobia due to your upbringing, the culture around you, the teachings of your religion, etc.

You said that you can't imagine yourself being with a man. What turns you off about that idea?

You said that you get more aroused by watching gay sex than you used to with straight sex. Pornography is not a good indicator of sexuality. When you masturbate without using pornography, do you fantasize about being with men? With women? With both men and women?

Just some thoughts.

 

Most people feel like when they look at another person either female or male that they are suppose to have a sexual attraction to this individuals one way or another right away. But that is not the case. Sexual attraction comes later after you get to know a person. For example, if you meet a person, either male or female and daily you start to have conversations with this individual. You learn their likes and dislikes. You get information about the trails and tribulations they have experienced. You learn about their family. Then once you and this individual start making a connection because you can relate to the information that they are telling you from their life story. And the fact that some of their personality traits, like they are a funny person or they are really a positive person. Then you start checking out the physical aspect of them. You may think wow he or she has a nice bum or his hands are nice and strong or she is really cute when she leans her head to the side like that. All in all getting to the point of feeling attractive to another individual takes time. Some people you might have an instant attraction to but it's better to slow down and go through the process of getting to know people to see if their qualities are something you can relate too. A lot of people get hurt because they don't go through the "get to knowing a person process" before they just jump into a relationship and next thing you know something negative is going on and you break up. If most folks would get to know the individual they choose to get sexual with first they would have known that, that person had a problem with this or that, that suddenly annoys you now. Or you would have known through the process of getting to know that person that they had anger problems. The truth always comes out in the end if you just take your time and get to know a person before you get sexually active with them. My best friend would meet guys and sleep with them in the same night and then be confused about why they didn't call her back. I told her, that they have no reason to call you back because they already got the most important thing they could have gotten from a person and you gave it away easily. So they probably feel like she does that to everybody she meets. Or if the guy did call her back they break up in a month because she gets to know the person and decides she can't deal with him. She could have gotten to know him better and saved herself another Noch on her belt (another name on her list of sex partners) if she would have only gotten to know him first. So all in all, a medical problem like starting or stopping some medication is not going to affect your physical attraction to someone. The medication might prevent you from getting an organism but it will not stop you from becoming attractive to another human being. All you need is to be willing to get to know people on a deeper level. And don't be in a rush. If you talk to 80 different people and don't find yourself attracted to any of them that is fine. Talk to 80 more people and go through the dating process of getting to know folks and you will find yourself thinking wow this person is cool or that person is nice, let me keep investigating. And in the process of getting to know people you may even make some life long friends. Good luck!!!!!

 

I can't be for certain but you may be asexual. You say you aren't feeling attractive to women but, you also don't see yourself with men. I'm sorry if I was no help but I hope things work out for you.
Also, I can't tell you just ignore the people but maybe give them a good comeback if they say something rude to you.

 

Hey Hgsashgs,

Have you considered seeing a therapist? It sounds like seeing a therapist might be the best way to help you work out what is going on.

Just a thought.

 

Hey Hgsashgs,

One thing I would note about therapists - they are not all equal. Sometimes it takes switching between multiple therapists before finding someone who 'gets us' and/or that we feel 'understands' our issues. So please don't give up too soon, but after you've given any particular therapist a good chance (from your point of view) to actually connect to you, then move on to another therapist if that particular therapist doesn't seem to be helping you.

Now, I'm certainly not saying that this is an endless process, either, but, in my experience, most people tend to find a therapist that we can connect with (especially with a little research into their professional experience) within about 5-7 different therapists, at most. (Again, that's not scientific, just my experience.)

I don't know it that helps...

 

I have a theory: As someone who suffers from anxiety as well, maybe the stress of your exams and upholding your relationship with your girlfriend as well was finally too much stress for you which is why you lost your attraction. I'm not saying that you have no sexual attraction to women, but perhaps there is a facade that you were upholding (to be straight) whilst also suppressing your homosexual desires.

For me personally, I suppressed and denied my homosexual desires until I was a few months into University last year. I don't think I would've come to this realization as quickly without the help of my therapist by the way. I had never had a girlfriend but I had always beaten myself up over this as I was successful in every other area of my life, except women. Finally around last September as people started asking me if I had a girlfriend etc I started crumbling under the facade I had put up for years, and came to terms with the fact that I am gay.

I totally get the not feeling completely comfortable imagining yourself being with a man in a relationship, even if the sexual desire is there. I was in a one month-long gay relationship that recently ended, but I am still far from comfortable with the idea of marrying a man as it goes against the construct I (and society) created for myself in terms of marrying a woman.

At the end of the day, I don't know if you are gay, but just be aware that it is possible that you are in denial over being gay. I know this was the case for me.

Hope this helps and best of luck on your journey

 

I am not an expert, but as others have mentioned:
pornography is not a good indicator of sexuality.
anxiety and stress can dampen sexual energy as can diet and medication and ton of other things. maybe trying something to relax would be a good start?

Some people who have felt this way have been diagnosed as OCD or HOCD by therapists

 

I have not heard of any research that says that pornography is not a good indicator of sexuality. At some point, what you like watching is what you like, isn't it? I know that sexuality and pornography are not perfectly related, but if someone likes watching sports on TV would you say "well we can't really say if they like sports because they're just watching it on TV"? That seems a bit ridiculous to me.

Anyways Hgsashgs, I don't know if you are gay or not and I don't really care. I just want you to find your true self.

Therefore I would ask you: What do you have to lose by trying to date a guy? Put another way, think of it as an experiment. You can go through your whole life never trying to date a guy and never knowing if it's actually right for you, or you can try and worst case scenario you don't like it! And so what if you don't like it! Then at least you will know that that is not the root cause of your stress. The flip side is you never try dating a guy and you never know if that is the source of your stress. Seems like a can't-lose situation to me, whatever the outcome.

 

A simple, non-complicated thing to consider. As we guys age our testosterone levels tend to drop a lot. Depression also affects testosterone, which can lower our sex-drive and possibly alter our tastes. Younger men can also have low testosterone. Have you had your testosterone level checked?