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Hello all

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Smile44, Feb 22, 2017.

  1. Smile44

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    I'm female, I'm 43 and I'm frustrated. I've never been in a relationship with another woman. I've only been in relationships with men. I'm tired of faking it. I've NEVER had an organism with a man. I usually make him perform foreplay on me before we actually connect, then he gets his business done. Awful right!!!!! When a man enters me it feels like a lot of pressure on my belly. It feels nothing like a pleasurable experience. In my head I be thinking, this is a waste of time, are you done yet? I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy now but I really have no real interest in having sex with him. When we do come together, the first 15 minutes is great because he performs foreplay, without his penis in me, but in the back of my mind, I be thinking damn it's almost his turn and he will eventually have to stick that in me. It's not that I hate the experience of having a penis in me. It just feels like a waste of time because to me it just feels like pressure in my stomach and I usually just tighten up and don't move , hope he will hurry the hell up and get off me. It doesn't feel like sex to me. It feels like a waste of time. I'm confused!!!! I'm attracted to women when I watch lesbian porn. When I go out side and do my day to day business. I am not attracted to women. I see females in my day to day life as sister's. I don't look at females in the street and think, wow I would love to have sex with her. When I look at women on the street and I look at their body parts. I'm thinking damn, how can I get my bum to look like hers, not she is sexually attractive. But when I watch lesbian porn, I am attracted to the women in a setting like that. So what do you all think of this? Am I a lesbian or not. Please be nice, this is really hard to talk about. Thanks for the replies!!!!:bang:
     
  2. Smile44

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    I talked to the man I'm with about how I feel and I put everything on the table. He told me it's not about whether I'm lesbian or not. It's really about do I want to make it work with him. So I thought about that and I came to the conclusion that he is right. So I'm going to focus on learning my body with his help and try to experience new things. Wow, I really like this forum. Just a place to be totally honest and reflect on your life.
     
    #2 Smile44, Feb 24, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 24, 2017
  3. Loveislife

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    Hello Smile,

    Well, it sounds to me that you are probably a lesbian.
    The only thing that you seem to enjoy somewhat about sex with men is a man pleasing you. Being pleasured by someone can feel good regardless of what your sexual orientation is. However, you really hate it when he penetrates you and you just do nothing during the sex.. so... it seems as though you're not interested in having sex with men at all. The fact that you have never had an orgasm from it seems to confirm this. Just to be sure: when you masturbate, can you fantasize about having sex with a man and orgasm (without watching porn)? Because if you can't get aroused by thinking about men, this basically confirms that you are not sexually attracted to the male body.

    You do seem to be attracted to women in lesbian porn, however. This can be seen as a strong hint that you are actually a lesbian. But you say that you are not attracted to women in real life. Now, I was in exactly the same situation at some point in my life. I fancied no real life women either, but I was attracted to women in porn and movies. Keep in mind that supposedly only being attracted to women in porn is 'safe' because these women will never be a part of your life, but being attracted to women in real life basically forces you to confront that you are attracted to women.. and if you're not ready to accept this.. you can suppress your attraction to women in real life. Once I started to accept that I was a lesbian, I became attracted to women in real life too. If you are sexually attracted to the female body in porn, then it is very likely that you are attracted to it in real life too. When you masturbate, can you get off to thinking about having sex with women (without watching porn)? Does this make you orgasm? Does the female body arouse you? If it does, then it is confirmed that you are sexually attracted to women...

    I think that you need to think hard about whether you want to be with your boyfriend indeed. I don't think that learning your body with his help will make the sex better if you are not attracted to the male body.. if you're not attracted to the male body, sex with men can never be truly satisfying to you. I can understand that your boyfriend does not want to lose you, but please make sure to not do sexual things with him if you really do not have any desire to do them just because he or you both desperately want to make things work out. I think that it is better for you now if your boyfriend gives you some space to figure out your sexuality.
     
  4. Smile44

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    Your probably right because when we have sex I think about everything but him. I have to use my imagination to distract me from the fact that I have to have a penis inside me and it feels like a waste of time basically. I gave some advice to another individual that she should be true to herself and go to gay/ lesbian bars and just talk to other women in a safe environment and just get to know people, so I am going to take my own advice. I am actually attractive to my man but once he puts his sexual organs in their perspective places to perform the act of sex, nothing happens. It's like laying a hot dog on a bun and then thinking sexual gratification will naturally happen. Nope, not this old girl, no matter how hard I try to do what is natural, my body be like, I'm bored, bring on the boobs and then I will get excited and participate.Thanks for the reply your comment really help me out. Thanks!!!!
     
    #4 Smile44, Feb 24, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 24, 2017
  5. Loveislife

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    No problem. :slight_smile:

    Hmm, you say that you are attracted to your boyfriend, but everything else you say seems to suggest that you are not... because it is very clear from what you're saying that you are not sexually attracted to him. You think about everything but him during sex, you see sex with him as a waste of time, it's boring to you, you get no sexual gratification from it, etcetera... And, since boobs do excite you, having sex with a woman is probably your thing.

    You can be attracted to people in many different ways. So what you describe as 'attraction to my man' is probably an emotional or platonic attraction.

    Again, I really want to advise you to not do anything sexual with your boyfriend if you don't want to. Everything you say suggests that you have no interest in having sex with him whatsoever, so I think that it might be a good idea to tell him that exploring your body with his help is not something that you want to do. I don't think that exploring your body with him will change how you feel about having sex with him because the problem is not that you don't know you're body well enough; it's that you are not sexually attracted to him.

    Anyway, props to you for trying to figure out your sexuality, good luck with your journey!
     
  6. Smile44

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    Yes, I feel like I'm attracted to him because I like certain things about him, like his hands, his personality, basically I like him as a person but I guess you're right again because even though I like a lot of things about him, I am not attracted to his man parts. Damn man!!!! It's hard to look truth in the face and except it for exactly what it is. To be 100% honest I've never been with a man where I was attracted to his man parts. I basically used a man for his sperm to have my children, not my fault, I really didn't know myself back then and I was only in relationships with that individual, so I wasn't intentionally hurting people.They were good relationship for him but I would be the one up at night thinking damn why me? Once I had my children I was basically alone for years in between my next relationship. Really the only use I have for a man is if I chose to have another baby. Other than that they annoy me because most of the men I come into contact with feel like a woman needs to be controlled and ordered around, like women are children that need guidance. That is frustrating and that is why I got my own apartment, because I'm not following a man blindly because most of the time, I'm smarter then him and I be looking at him like REALLY!!!!! I don't mind getting potentially positive constructive information, that will better my life. But just having a man boss me around because he is stronger than me and the churches have brainwashed men into believing they are not men unless they are the head of the household. I don't have time for that. I believe in a relationship you should communicate and come to a logical solution, that could have either come from either party, not I'm the man, so you listen to me. I believe that leads to violence, an attitude like that. So yes, I have a lot to think about. Thanks for the reply!!!!
     
  7. Smile44

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    I like watching female on female porn. But when I'm out in public, and I see a woman, I do not check them out in a sexual way. I went to a club recently with some high school friends from back in the day, and a female pushed up on me. I looked at her like 'girl bye'! I see a woman in the flesh, as sisters. But women in the porn sites, I'm attracted too. So what I'm confused about now is. If I'm not attracted to women in the flesh, but I am attracted to men, but when I have sex with men, it's like my body does not respond in a sexual way, and nothing happens, unless I use my imagination and think about the women on the porn sites. Talk about a confusing situation. If the Government is putting gay chemicals in the water, I wish they would put enough to complete the job and stop doing a half ass job.
    Smile44: :bang: