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safest thing is being asexual

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by TrevinMichael, Feb 22, 2017.

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  1. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    I meant your opinions about me not the subject matter.
     
    #21 TrevinMichael, Mar 15, 2017
  2. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    opinions are never fact no matter what you may think

    If you want to think your first quote above is a fact, then only part of it is.

    Your opinions are not factual. This thread has many I am sure.

    I know it helped me Chip. And your comments are a great help.

    No one buy me knows where I am or how I am doing.

    The things I have done since I have been a child speak louder than
    any comment or word on any website.

    I am here to understand myself and be the best person I can.

    I am getting there, and this site has helped.

    Thank you Chip for being here and giving me your perspective.

    I have gotten a great deal out of this thread.
     
    #22 TrevinMichael, Mar 18, 2017
  3. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    You do not know me at all Chip. But with time on here you will know me better.

    I have healed a great deal. I am not sure how you can claim if someone has healed
    just from reading posts online. I am not here to change your opinions. I am not here to get anyone's approval. I am not here to argue semantics. I am not a very literal person and I also have done a great deal in my 54 years. Anyone can get hurt. Anyone can be in a bad relationship or have friends that are not really friends.

    I have many friends that are great, caring, and loving. I had a few I had to get rid of.

    I am here to grow and learn. No one person knows all. If there is a God and that is in question, he may know all.
     
    #23 TrevinMichael, May 13, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2017
  4. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    I am not sexual with anyone now I do not see that changing fast.

    Maybe some would prefer that to be called non sexual. I am doing what

    is good for me. I did not choose the abuse, and I did not tell others to cheat on me or

    hurt me. I am not having sex with anyone. And I am fine with that.
     
    #24 TrevinMichael, May 20, 2017
  5. Hunter8

    Hunter8
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    Trevin, I can relate, my friend. I wouldn't say I consider myself asexual because that implies that I don't have any type of sexual attractions. I definitely am attracted to guys. However, I choose to not engage in sexual intercourse due to my personal beliefs that are rooted in my Christian Faith. Yes, such a celibate life can be lonely at times, but you are correct when you say that removing sex from one's life does indeed remove a lot of dangerous risks as well. Certainly, such a calling is not for everyone, but there are some who flourish in such a life. I'm still learning as I go along, and it does warm my heart to see others out there similar to myself.
     
    #25 Hunter8, May 21, 2017
  6. Chip

    Chip
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    Hunter: Have you read Matthew Vines' work? He's making a lot of inroads about acceptability of gay sex among even some conservative religious leaders through a new interpretation of key scriptures.

    Trevin: I'm confused, because at the beginning of the thread, you say "it's not what you want". In the middle of the thread, you say you're healed from your trauma, and imply that you would not have been able to be a therapist if you weren't healed (unfortunately completely untrue). Then later, you say you aren't healed, while toward the end, you say (in complete contradiction to the beginning of the thread) that you're perfectly fine with not being sexual.

    If you are, in fact, perfectly fine, and everything is peachy, why do you keep posting incessantly about it? It's absolutely your choice, and you shouldn't feel the need to defend it to anyone.
     
    #26 Chip, May 21, 2017
  7. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    I am just making a choice to be non sexual for now.

    I am actually doing good. I actually have not been posting much lately.

    Not sure what amount of posts equals incessantly.

    I have healed if I had not I would not done what I fave done. I just got hurt early in life and later on. My whole life has not been about abuse.

    I have come a long way Chip.
     
    #27 TrevinMichael, May 21, 2017
  8. Hunter8

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    Trevin, I do sense that you have come a very long way. I know that this process of making peace with one's sexuality is a long and confusing process with many twists, turns, and contradictions along the way. I have actually enjoyed reading your posts on here, and I really can relate to many of them. I personally would tell you to always be truthful in your posts no matter what, as I believe you have been. And if you would ever like to talk with me personally, feel free to message me on my wall. :slight_smile:

    Chip, yes, I have read Matthew Vines' work and have listened to his lectures. His new interpretation of the relevant scriptures pertaining to homosexuality are interesting to explore, and he does make some good points. All in all, however, I was not personally convinced enough by his arguments to abandon the more traditional understanding of those verses. I have no issue at all with Christians who disagree with me on the matter, but I just have to live obediently to what my understanding of scripture is. That being said, I am always ready to learn more.
     
    #28 Hunter8, May 21, 2017
  9. SimplyJay

    SimplyJay
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    I know the feeling, because I feel sorta like that myself...basically if was ever in a relationship, I'd want love, not sex (but I'm also not looking for a relationship, I'm better off staying single anyway)

    And yes I do consider myself to be somewhat-asexual, and romantically bi*

    * And to those who don't believe there is an "in-between" between asexual/not-asexual (just like your dis-belief of 'bi') ... as well as there not being a separation between sexual and romantic attraction:
    I've seen it a hundred times on here. No need to repeat. I have my beliefs, you have yours.
     
    #29 SimplyJay, May 23, 2017
  10. Chip

    Chip
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    What we've seen in a small bubble of a community that is not a random sample, and is full of people who are questioning who they are does indeed constitutes belief, not facts.

    The good news is, facts are useful to people who want to have some sort of basis grounded in something measurable and repeatable in order to make good decisions. :slight_smile:
     
    #30 Chip, May 23, 2017
  11. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Trevin,

    Read your thread, and reread your thread, and have tried to give it some thought.

    As you, I consider myself to be a survivor. I survived various forms of emotional, physical and sexual abuse by various people in my early years. As you expressed it created quite a bit of confusion for me. It also diminished my self esteem, self worth and confidence. As i set off on my own life journey, I did not have the proper foundation early on.

    Like you, however, it seems we took quite a bit of negative energy and applied to our lives in a positive way as best as we could. Where you went on to an educated career to help others and went on to have what sounds like a heteronormative family life, I similarly focused on developing professional confidence by succeeding with work while raising two wonderful children with my former spouse. Some people go a different direction and let the negative energy consume themselves, it sounds like you redirected it for some good. What this tells me is you have the conviction needed to find the answers your looking for.

    Along the way, however, you seem to have neglected a part of yourself; and to completely find yourself you need to find additional conviction. Nurturing your profession and your family have not been enough for you to embrace your true self.

    The question I have for you, is what do you want to do about it? You suggest you are deciding to go forward in life without sex; but is that going to do yourself any good?

    You have been on quite a journey. You have been able to heal from many traumas. Given there is still more work to do, why not consider continuing the journey you are on? Keep pushing forward to fully find out whom you are and become completely self aware.

    As you do you so, you can build your self esteem, self worth, confidence and find how to love whom you are.
     
    #31 OnTheHighway, May 24, 2017
    Last edited: May 24, 2017
  12. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    I need a long break from sex.

    I still need intimacy.

    I am not going to say no to friendships.

    I did have 8 to 9 years with no sexual abuse from 22 or 23 to 31. I got my BS in Education and Music Education, and I got my Masters started. A few older men in a group did some abuse but not like it was for me as a child. I immediately told on then when it happened and we had a mediator and everything.

    Sometimes it is the way things are done that make it abuse. Tricks, and pretending to be nice to gain trust, and not asking me if I wanted to be sexual with them.

    I at this point in time need a break and if I choose to be sexual with someone it will be with someone who cares a great deal about me.
     
    #32 TrevinMichael, May 25, 2017
  13. Hunter8

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    That is honestly the way it should be, Trevin. Good for you!!! :slight_smile:
     
    #33 Hunter8, May 25, 2017
  14. Chip

    Chip
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    I concur with Hunter.
     
    #34 Chip, May 26, 2017
  15. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    When I got to this site an ex friend was finding ways to hurt me indirectly. Going after one of my friends. Threatening me and trying to blackmail me. None of it worked.

    As you read the thread keep that in mind. Over the last few months his trying to contact me via friends has not worked. He has no way to talk to me on the phone or on line. The more time away (last time I saw him was Sept 3 2016) the more healing has happened.

    When I care about someone even love them it is hard to get past the pain at first. I realized my life is better without people who are just using me.

    Something has changed and it is evident from my last few posts. I have turned a corner in the last month or so. Part of me just needs to cry.

    I have been reaching out to friends and doing things. I am doing so much better.

    I really love this place and feel supported. I never had a place online like this.

    In August I will be with many friends who I work with in a non profit. It is a GBTQ gathering.

    I just want to thank everyone for sticking with me esp Chip.

    The hurt child showed up to this site. The adult is back.
     
    #35 TrevinMichael, May 26, 2017
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  16. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    I turned the two men who hurt me into the police. (his boy friend was also part of the abuse)

    I have grown a great deal since I stopped seeing the m both.

    I have several close friends and 2 very close friends.
    I am doing pretty good.

    Thanks for all the thoughtful comments.
     
    #36 TrevinMichael, Aug 14, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2017
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  17. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    I never said it was a choice. I said it would have been easier on me.

    I stand by my statement.

    If people read into things I cannot help that.
     
    #37 TrevinMichael, Sep 18, 2017
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