Hi Guys, Sorry if I keep starting so many new threads, but i don't really have anyone to ask these questions. I have a question about dealing with anxiety. Over the last months I have seen my level of anxiety rise a lot. Not just in dealing with being gay, but in every other area of life; work, sport, friendships, basically everything!! I never knew what people meant about being constantly on edge until recently. I wake up with this gut feeling that something is going to go wrong. I spend all day waiting for something to happen. I don't know what that something is, I just feel nervous all the time. I hope that doesn't sound weird. Some of you might know that I have previously posted about having difficulty telling everything to the therapist I'm seeing. I have told her about this, but I get the feeling that she doesn't know how bad it's got. I know the obvious answer is to just tell her, but I keep asking myself what outcome am I looking for. What's the point in saying how bad it is unless there's going to be something that will come out of it. We have tried a technique that lets me set aside a time of the day that I can actually worry about things (so as not to be doing it all day) but that hasn't worked. Do I think that it's gotten to the point that meds could help? Yeah probably! Which is probably what the therapist will say. But at the minute that's just not an option. Where I live it seems like there is no privacy when it comes to this sort of thing, and I cant risk losing my jobs for being on meds for mental health issues. I also read a lot about different side effects. I'm barely hanging in there as it is, one bad side effect is just going to tip me over the edge. Anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with any of this?
Perhaps just having spoken to your therapist about your feelings and about all the stuff going on in your head will help bring you some clarity. I only went to a couple of counselling sessions myself, I basically unloaded everything that I had been bottling up for years and we talked through it, and while it wasn't exactly helpful, it did make me feel like I had dealt with it and was able to move on. So it did help me deal with a lot of anxiety and that was the focus of most of our sessions. I probably could have done with more as anxiety has never really gone away and has come back many times over the years. I really only scratched the surface and didn't even get to tackle other things I wanted to talk about like sexuality and difficulties at uni but I did find the sessions useful overall. If you're setting aside time to worry about things, have you tried writing down things that you have to do. In no way do I mean to patronise if the answer is of course, or that you don't think it will be helpful, but I have been actively using that method over the last few months and have found it helpful in being able to use that time effectively, and has allowed me to deal with the issues causing me anxiety one by one and not let them bother me outside of that time. I've allowed myself to let myself enjoy other things that I enjoy and not let those things bother me as much. I've been working on relaxation techniques as well which has had a big effect, and I feel I have much more energy to focus on friendships, work, relationships etc. as a result. I don't know about the meds issue, but I would suggest talking to the therapist about it and see what they suggest. I would be surprised if taking medication for a mental health issue risked your job in any way, but as I say talk through your concerns with your therapist. I know it isn't easy to do but being open and discussing things through does help most of the time.
Are you dealing with persistent thoughts, lack of focus, anger, sadness or something else? I witnessed a violent incident a few years ago and the post traumatic stress and anxiety were significant but not immediately apparent. Are you able to clarify the nature or cause of your anxiety? I would highly recommend mindfulness meditation. I liken it to taking out the trash. We're all so saturated in our thoughts that we don't recognize how anxious we become until the signs are apparent. Your therapist might know how to start basic mindfulness and/or do a mindfulness stress reduction program, which insurance usually covers. Patrick
Hi guys, Sorry for the late reply. Things haven't really improved! Anxiety is still at a high, and i'm now incredibly stressed about a lot of things. But I'm still going... I'm actually kind of the opposite. Everything seems to be falling apart at the minute, but I just feel like I only have a small amount of time with the therapist, so I should use it to deal with my sexuality instead of talking about struggling with my job or things like that. Although, I've always assumed everything is because of my issues with my sexuality. Lately I'm not so sure. What if even if I learn to be ok with being gay, what if all the anxiety and depression is still there. That I have to deal with it for the rest of my life! I have done before. I used to write a lot, and i think it might have helped me organise things in my head, and not have everything going round my head at once. But no, I haven't really being doing it lately, I think I will try start again. You're probably right, it might help a little. Like I said above, I'm not really sure what is causing it anymore. There was an incident, that I'm embarrassed to say that I found it traumatic. But honestly speaking, it did effect me quite a bit. And I know it is one of the reasons why I'm having a problem with being gay. But it's not really something that would be the cause of my anxiety at work. I seem to be anxious with even basic everyday things now! I have tried meditation before, but find it hard to relax enough to do it. I probably didnt give it enough of a chance though. I will try it again. Thanks for getting back to me! I am going back to see the therapist in a few days so will try and discuss some of this stuff!
I'm on meds for anxiety and have been through the ringer with therapy and finding out what works and what doesn't, coping skills are just as if not more important than medication, so don't lose hope. Here's what works for me: - Deep breathing, I know everyone says it and it's a little cliché, but sometimes if I've been very anxious, I will focus on my breathing and take deep, diaphragmatic breaths for an extended period of time. Like while I go about my normal day and do my routine, I will focus on my breathing as well to maintain deep diaphragmatic breaths for several hours at a time. I find myself very calm and relaxed. - writing about whatever is causing me anxiety or whatever thoughts are plaguing my mind; its not a 100% effective thing because it has the potential to amplify the anxiety if you don't let it go as you write/type it on the page, but most of the time writing out my thoughts helps to get them to stop circulating throughout my head - this thing called TIPP: Temperature change, Intense exercise, Progressive muscle relaxation, and paced breathing. It's helps if you take it seriously, but it was designed from a physiological standpoint. Get a piece of ice and rub it on your neck/forehead/stomach/wherever else or get a cold rag and put it on your forehead/neck, or even take a cold shower. Then do intense exercise (for a short period of time) I like to do 100 jumping jacks. Then do Progressive muscle relaxation; lay down/sit down (stand if you must but lying is best) and start with the muscles in your feet. Contract them and release them repeatedly, them move up. I like to contract and release 5-10 times for best results. Do every muscle you can think of; clench your toes, tense your feet, tense your calves, the muscles/tendons just behind your knees, your thigh muscles, muscles in your buttcheeks, groin area, abdomen, pectoral muscles, the muscles in your shoulders, biceps, forearms, hands, neck, and face. Just systematically from the tips of your toes to the top of your head, tense and them relax every muscle you can think of 5-10 times. Then focus on your breathing; relax and take deep diaphragmatic breaths. I like to count 4 in through the nose, 8 out through the mouth. - As others have mentioned, mindfulness is helpful as well. Do research on some mindfulness techniques and see what you can do to start practicing some of those. Visualization is an example; one I've learned is called " stone flake on a lake" in which you imagine that you are a smooth stone, being thrown out into a lake, slowly and peacefully sinking to the bottom. Imagine everything you would see as you floated down, plants, fish, the light shining through the water, bubbles floating, little dirt particles floating through the water caught by the light, etc. - Observe. Sometimes when my mind wont stop it helps to just stop for a minute and really take in the world around me as though I'm seeing everything for the first time. It doesn't matter where you are, just examine your environment and don't just look at it, SEE it in it's entirety for the first time. The structure of the room and the pattern of the ceiling tiles and the floor, where the light is coming from and how it changes your perception of different areas, signs, posters, how people are interacting, paint chips. There's an infinite number of things to focus on outside, to really see with new eyes. Trees; the bark, how each branch comes away from the tree and branches off into other branches and leaves. Imagine how you would draw a tree and compare that to an actual tree. What all did you miss? See the cracks in the sidewalk and the spacing between each block, each little bump in the concrete that makes the rough texture. I could go on forever but I'm realizing this is rather lengthy. - I also sometimes find myself anxious about being anxious, so I would also work on accepting the anxiety that you're experiencing and not judging it too much, just coping with it and doing what you need to. - Good luck, and I hope that I could be of some help! I would also say that you should be open and honest with your therapist to get the most out of your therapy experience, you don't know if something will come of it until you give it a chance. Therapy is a safe place to do that.
Hi Drummergirl2000, Sorry I'm so late getting back and thank you so much for your reply! I went back to see the therapist a few days ago. I had a clear plan and knew exactly what I was going to say...but obviously I chickened out and it went arse ways. However, I did manage to say that I am not doing very well and we discussed some more strategies, which I am trying over the next few weeks. I have also gone back to writing things down a bit which has been helping. But I know what you mean by amplifying things, as sometimes i end up sitting up half the night writing! I like the TIPP idea. Heard of a similar thing used for relaxation before. I will try it out soon! The rest of your ideas and suggestions are really good, thank you so much for taking the time to share with me And I will try and keep being honest in therapy. It's just sometimes I feel like I started it just to try and accept myself as gay, and now I keep changing topics and discuss everything - when I should just focus on the gay thing! I don't know... Anyway, thanks again!
You're very welcome! And I get what you mean about therapy, you want to accept yourself as gay to be happier and live to your full potential without having a lack of self-acceptance get in your way (im assuming, so tell me if I'm wrong) and that is important; but it sounds like you're viewing changing topics and discussing everything else as a negative thing. Like it's taking away from time that you feel you should be using to accept your sexuality. I would challenge you with the idea that the two are not mutually exclusive and that in discussing and working through other things like your anxiety you are contributing to your pursuit of happiness and your self-actualization that you are aiming for in the ends of attaining self-acceptance relating to your sexuality. They are two roads leading to the same place and it's not being fair to limit yourself to only taking one when in the end both must be traveled to successfully reach your destination. I think that you must acknowledge and accept all of your needs right now; it's really good that you see accepting your sexuality as important, but also see that the anxiety and emotion that you are experiencing are important things to deal with. Although they are more abstract and a little less black and white than the end goal of " accept my sexuality" it is apparent that they are things that you want/need to talk about and that is perfectly okay. Don't invalidate your own needs and emotions even with the justification of other needs you originally perceived to be greater. Keep an open mind to yourself and what you truly need/want/feel and don't get over-attached to only focusing on one thing or you are closing yourself off to the development that you could be experiencing. Take it session by session, and personally day by day based on what you are struggling with in order to get the most out of every moment/day/session/month/year and don't judge your struggles or you'll miss some of the best opportunities to grow as a human being which is the ultimate goal in the first place. I believe in you. Sorry if I went a little overboard, I just wanted to share a perspective from a few steps back.
