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"Breaking up" with family members

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Ank11451, Feb 21, 2017.

  1. Ank11451

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    I just don't know what to do about the relationship I have with my brother. I recently moved across the country to the same city as him because he kept telling me to and I really wanted to do that so we could build a relationship together. He's 9 years older than me and bullied me quite a bit growing up, we used to fight like cats and dogs. I used to hate him so much. But then we grew up and Stopped fighting so much. since I am a lesbian and he's gay we bonded over our sexuality and he guided me through coming to terms with my sexuality.

    I don't know how to act around him. He is very insulting and rude. He will comment on my clothing and figure, tell me I need to dress better and lose weight. He insults me a lot and thinks it's funny. When I tell him that it's not funny he says he is joking and "being himself". He has always treated his friends great but his family like crap. It upsets me when I see how good he treats his friends and how badly he treats me.

    He bullies my mom too but his defense is that he is joking.

    After going 2 months without talking to him we hung out for the first time. He insulted me several times until finally I said " why do you think I never come over? It's because you're an asshole" and left.

    I texted him last night and told him I didn't want him in my life anymore and that he brings out the worst in me and anger manifests inside of me when I'm with him. I told him to stop contacting me.


    I feel like shit now. Like someone punched me in the stomach. I was depressed all day. I feel like I just exed someone out of my life.

    Did I do the right thing? I feel so hurt.

    ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2017 at 09:31 PM ----------

    Also, I said very hurtful things to him and then told him I wanted him out of my life and now I feel bad about it.
     
  2. tulipinacup

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    I think eventually we all have our boiling point and I wouldn't blame you for what you've said to your brother because it seems like he's always telling the one what you need to do with your life. May I also ask how old you are? Since he's 9 years older than you, that could be one of the reasons as to why he does these things.
     
  3. Ank11451

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    I'm 23 and he's 32.
     
  4. gravechild

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    Well, how did he react? If your brother wants to be in your life, you have to let him know that it's not normal or healthy for a sibling to abuse constantly. I'm sure there are others who would tolerate it, even if it's neither beneficial to either him or them.

    He sounds like he has his own issues to work out, but that's neither your responsibility nor anyone else's. For now, I'd say distance should be a priority. Life is challenging enough without the needed negativity from others.
     
  5. tulipinacup

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    I agree. And you're 23 I think you're old enough to know what you want in your life. I think you should make it clear that you gave the time and energy to be closer with him to have tighter bond in your relationship but seems like he's not fully aware of it.
     
  6. resu

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    If he is acting this way at 32, he is emotionally immature and does not respect your feelings. You might suggest he go to a professional counselor. I would say to limit your contact to the bare minimum: you probably will see him again, but that could be months or even years. Be firm on what you will tolerate so he knows there are consequences for his actions.