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Had bareback sex, scared for HIV

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Vishal2564, Feb 19, 2017.

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  1. Vishal2564

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    Hello all, i met this amazing guy on an app and we started dating. We both got tested before having sex and both were negative. We had unprotected anal sex, where i was the bottom. It was my first bareback sex ever. Next morning we again had sex but used a condom this time. But my ass started bleeding so we stopped. A week later, we again had unprotected sex. I really trust this guy because he is not fooling around with me, he actually loves me and now we are in a monogamous relationship. A week after we had unprotected sex, i feel like i have swollen lymph nodes because my jaw is always paining. My question is, is there a possibility that i may have got HIV? Also, if the guy is negative, is it possible to contract HIV since there was blood?i am freaking out. Please help.
     
  2. Twisted777

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    If neither of you had HIV, the virus can't just pop into existence just because there was blood, it's a virus that has to be transmitted from host to host like any other.

    However, it is possible that he may have contracted something very soon before the test, thus giving a false negative (he was infected, but it hadn't spread enough through his body to be detectable yet).

    I'm not a doctor, but one week sounds a bit soon for any symptoms to show up.

    You should ask him about his previous sexual activity in the month before getting tested, and above all, see a doctor and mauve get tested again.
     
  3. Gravity

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    Echoing the last post - if neither of you have HIV in your system, then you can't contract it. You can't get a virus from someone who doesn't have one.

    That said, there are a variety of reasons to use protection during sex, especially anal sex. HIV is one of them, but not the only one. I would strongly encourage you to start using condoms regularly. It's great that you're monogamous, and that you feel like you can trust him, but there's no reason to forgo an easily available way to mitigate other hygiene risks.

    HIV can take a while to show up in tests, also - possibly up to three months. Most STD/STI testing centers will recommend waiting three months past last sexual contact to get a conclusive test result.

    Long story short - testing is great, but it's only part of safe sexual practices. Do the rest.

    As far as your current condition - It's probably unlikely that your lymph nodes would be swollen already a week after any exposure. They could be swollen (if they are in fact swollen) for a variety of reasons. The only thing we can really encourage you to do here is go see a doctor to figure out what's up, and get tested when the time comes.
     
  4. Chip

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    First, swollen lymph nodes happen for many reasons. It's overwhelmingly likely that you got a simple bacterial infection or something that isn't anything to worry about.

    Second, if neither of you have the HIV virus, then you can't give it to each other, blood or no blood.

    NOW...

    It's a really, really terrible idea to have bareback sex. Ever. Even if your friend has been tested, all the test tells you is whether he had antibodies to HIV at the moment of the test. .

    This isn't about "trust". It's about realizing people are human. I personally know several people who had never had sex... had their first boyfriend... who they deeply and completely trusted... both got tested and both were HIV- ... and, 3 or 6 months later... the person went for a routine doctors appointment and discovered they were HIV+, because their absolutely trustworthy, completely faithful boyfriend had cheated on them.

    People make mistakes. They drink too much... they have a fight and go out to a bar... a million things can happen. Using condoms every. single. time. ensures that both of you care about and respect each other's health enough to never have to ask or worry if the other might have had a momentary lapse of judgment they don't feel safe to tell you about.

    One mistake by your boyfriend could condemn you to a lifetime of medications, side effects, and long-term hassles. It simply isn't worth it, since, used properly, condoms are pretty much undetectable.

    Please think carefully and have a meaningful conversation with your boyfriend. If he genuinely cares about you, he should have no problem playing safe.
     
  5. Vishal2564

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    Thank you for your responses. I spoke to my boyfriend and he said he is ready to use condoms if it makes me feel safe. I am glad he agreed.

    The only thing that's freaking me out now is getting tested. I will be going tomorrow for the test. Super scared.
     
  6. OnTheHighway

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    Good luck! This is a normal part of life. The more you get tested, the more comfortable you will feel with doing so.
     
  7. resu

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    Also, remember condom use helps protect against other STDs. Things like gonorrhea, herpes, HPV, etc. can also have serious side effects.
     
  8. Jax12

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    I agree with Chip's statement that people are human and make mistakes. However, for any monogamous relationship, trust and communication is key. I've had this conversation with my boyfriend before, and we have agreed that HIV and STD's are the last thing we want to give each other.

    Then again, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now, and have used condoms here and there. We have gotten to a point in our relationship where we understand and trust each, and if there is any issues we talk about it immediately (even if we want to break up or see someone else).

    If you're just starting out in a relationship, I completely understand if you wish to play it safe. I have done bareback at times where I shouldn't of and should be considered lucky that I didn't contract anything.
     
  9. AAASAS

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    Pretty much never bareback again. If you do use lots of lube to reduce friction. Don't eeven bareback in relationships.
     
  10. Vishal2564

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    Thank you for your responses! I have spoken to my bf regarding this and i like the fact that he respects my decision. He has told me that he wouldn't do anything that causes me stress.

    I am getting tested tomorrow and honestly i am freaking out. I am praying every moment that I don't have it.

    I can't thank you guys enough for all the support.

    ---------- Post added 22nd Feb 2017 at 10:47 AM ----------

    My bf has showed me his HIV results and he doesn't have it, he is also a frequent plasma donor where he gets tested all the time so i am sure he doesn't have it.
     
  11. TrevinMichael

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    Vishal it scares me too bare back

    thanks for posting
     
  12. Weston

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    I'm very surprised that no one has advised you to investigate whether or not you are a candidate for PrEP. PrEP allows you to take responsibility for your own wellbeing, regardless of your partner's HIV status or behavior. Too many men who thought they were in a monogamous relationship have lived to regret their reliance on what someone else tells them. Being on PrEP does NOT mean abandoning condoms, but as far as HIV is concerned, it is a far more effective means of avoiding seroconversion. Ask your doctor or visit an LGBT or STI clinic. Be aware that not all doctors are well informed about PrEP, and it is not so widely used in some parts of the country as in others. Nevertheless, the Centers for Disease Control advocates that all gay men who are having sex with men consider using PreP. Most insurance pays for it, and some states have programs that will assist in paying. Good luck!
     
  13. Vishal2564

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    Thank you, i can't get on PreP until May as i am on medications for a lung infection....i can be on PreP after that....and i will be:slight_smile:
     
  14. smurf

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    I would really be careful in making such a claim. Prep is an amazing tool and I would encourage anyone that is curious about it to talk to their doctor, but to say that is far more effective than condoms is misleading.

    Condoms are 98%-99% effective against HIV with proper use and Prep is 99% effective against HIV. I wouldn't consider that far more effective.

    Prep is not a must for gay men. Is simply another tool available to people.
     
  15. Weston

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    While I agree that condoms are 99 percent effective as a barrier against HIV, the key words here are "with proper use." Condoms must be used properly, and perhaps more importantly, consistently (i.e., every time), for them to be effective. Anecdotal evidence would suggest that the actual rate of transmission of HIV for men using condoms as their primary means of protection is still unacceptably high. The reasons for that include condom breakage, condom slippage, and most commonly, making an exception to condom use "just one time."

    PrEP, on the other hand, is difficult to use improperly. It involves taking a pill once a day. Anti-PrEP activists, such as Michael Weinstein, have argued that many gay men are not capable of taking a single pill reliably every day. However, even missed doses are not critical. Research shows that taking PrEP as few as four times a week still provides a very high level of protection. Personally, I think most gay men are quite capable of following a daily pill regime; many of us are already taking daily pills for one thing or another. In addition, because men usually take PrEP as part of their morning or evening grooming routines, protection is not compromised by spur-of-the-moment decisions, often influenced by drugs or alcohol.

    For anyone wishing to learn more about PrEP, there is a very knowledgeable, albeit pro-PrEP, Facebook group called "PrEP Facts: Rethinking HIV Prevention and Sex."
     
    #15 Weston, Feb 22, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2017
  16. Vishal2564

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    Guys, i just got tested today, I have to wait for the results now. I am scared. Praying to God for everything to be fine.
     
  17. Lexington

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    Here's the thing. HIV spreads in part because it's so hard to detect. Very often, it takes months if not years for symptoms to appear.

    What almost certainly happened was this - he DID give you something. But it wasn't HIV. It was probably something like a cold. When you get naked and sweaty with another person, you're usually swapping saliva, and your chance of picking up o cold or something similar is pretty high. I think I came down with a minor cold or sore throat within a week of having (protected) sex the first five or six times I did. I started to assume it was just part of the game. And totally worth it. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
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