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Should I (21) have sex with a minor?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by maricamagica, Feb 18, 2017.

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  1. Quantumreality

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    Hey maricamagica,

    I’m not saying that you are intentionally taking advantage of anyone. I only ask that you consider that you sexual attractions/needs should not be prevalent when dealing with much younger, far less experienced, youngsters. I didn’t say anything about virginity and honestly, that has nothing to do with my point.

    What is your attraction to younger guys, though, if it is not their relative innocence and inexperience? Be honest, please. To me, the ideal lover is someone very close to my own age and experience because we can be mutually satisfying and agree on how we should proceed with our love life. I’ve been over hookups for decades. Clearly that is still where you are in your immature sex life. Nothing wrong with that, but please try to recognize your potential impact on the people that you hook up with. That includes an emotional impact as well as a physical impact (such as an exchange of sexually transmitted diseases/infections).

    I guess that I am asking you (pleading with you) to be more responsible. I would ask you, what is the point if you can fuck every hot guy that you find on the dating app that you frequent for the next few years? Where does that get you if you never have a REAL relationship? Are you happy being a stereotypical gay guy who just fucks everyone in sight whom he considers ‘hot’? Someone who potentially ends up with multiple STDs/STIs and who doesn’t have a single boyfriend who is willing to stand by him long-term? What is the point of that? Immediate sexual pleasure in exchange for probable long-term loneliness?

    I know that’s very deep, but you seem like a thinking man, even though right now your hormones seem to be in control of your body.

    Again, I would ask, since you have yet to respond to this question: why did you even bother to post here on EC if you didn’t want input from other thinking people?

    ---------- Post added 18th Feb 2017 at 09:12 PM ----------

    Incidentally, your English is excellent. You write like a native English-speaker.
     
  2. AlexJames

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    No dude NO. HELL NO. Its ILLEGAL. A minor cannot legally consent. It would be called statutory rape and you would go to jail and be put on the sex offender registry for life. Even if you were like 18 and 17 its not worth the risk even then.

    I'll be brutally honest here. Why do you even want to date a 15 year old? Its a totally different phase of life. There's no common ground. At 21 you've got potential worries like rent, car ownership, a job, etc and even if you're not living on your own even living with parents you'd probably have some bills to pay. A 15 year old is dependent upon their parents, doesn't usually see past highschool, etc. I'll be honest this message of yours is sending up red flags everywhere. You better not be serious.
     
  3. Mirko

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    FYI: In Germany, the age of consent is 14.
     
  4. AlexJames

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    Is it really fourteen in Germany? Wow. Forgive me for the extreme level of anger in the above post then. I didn't see this before i posted originally, i only saw your original post and one of the replies. Most people that i have interacted with on here are from America, so to be honest i'm surprised someone living halfway across the world is using this site. I will leave further discussion up to Chip the moderator then. Have a good day and i hope whatever decision you come to is right for the both of you. You seem to have already considered the rules and laws that apply in your locale as it is.

    ---------- Post added 18th Feb 2017 at 08:56 PM ----------

    Lol sorry i read the post where the OP mentioned it AFTER i wrote that lol. I just read the OP's original post and a reply. I'm embarrassed now, i'd delete it if i knew how.
     
  5. Chip

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    The bottom line here is, it seems quite clear that you have no interest in the input being provided, and you seem to have zero moral compass and don't care one whit about anyone other than yourself.

    Given this is the case, why are you wasting everyone's time? You aren't going to gain anyone's approval for your reprehensible behavior, you clearly don't care about the potential harm you could do to a young person, and are basing your decision not to sleep with him solely on your own selfish needs.

    So.. Go and do whatever you are going to go and do, and quit wasting the time of people who are trying to legitimately explain that your behavior is inappropriate and unethical because apparently this doesn't matter to you.
     
  6. AlmostBlue

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    I know this is a controversial issue but let's cut the out right judgements and even threats. It's clear the OP will simply become defensive and it's not constructive.

    maricamagica:

    Despite a lot of heated comments, a lot of people have made valid points about responsibility and ethics, regardless of legality. For example, would you consider a boss having a secret affair with his/her employee to be unethical? Most would consider this inappropriate because of the power dynamics. The boss has a lot of power over the employer and his well-being, and it can turn toxic very quickly. This is why a lot of companies have regulations to protect employees, and here we are talking about sex between full grown adults.

    If you see the problem there, then don't you also see the potential problem between a minor and an adult? You may have the best of intentions, but it is easy for something to become abusive very quickly. Research shows that sex, especially for men, can closely be linked to power and violence, and anybody has the capacity to escalate into a predator, given the circumstances. Do you really want to put yourself in that situation, and potentially scar someone's life? I'm sure you can find other sexual partners easily if you are using an app.

    Although I do strongly discourage sex with minors, I agree that the moral outrage over this issue is a modern phenomenon (especially in the US) that does not necessarily reflect absolute authority and truth. It often rather represents hysteria rather than careful analysis. Netherlands, for example, have legalized sex between people of ages 12-16 with certain conditions. Many cultures in the past saw pederasty as a rite of passage and there are many studies on that as well that would surprise our modern sensibilities. However, that was in a specific context, and cannot necessarily be translated to our modern times. "Harmful to Minors" was a controversial book by Levine due to its content, but have garnered support from academics for its statistical analysis. You could look into that.

    HOWEVER (and this is a big however), what remains unchanged is that there is always a risk, and if you can't understand that there is a risk, then you really shouldn't interact with a minor sexually, even the 17 year old. If you can fully understand the potential consequences, acknowledge how you were lucky not have been scarred yourself as a teen when you had sex with adults, and do some research on this subject and spend some serious time thinking, then maybe you can consider going forward with it. But until then, I strongly advise against it. I'd like to think that since you came and asked this here, you are capable of thinking this properly, and that your defensive justifications are merely a triggered response to accusatory and threatening comments.
     
  7. maricamagica

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    I don't understand how sleeping with a 17 year old one day before his birthday would be predatory, immoral and emotionally scarring and as soon as the clock turns 24 it would somehow miraculously become okay. I already said I'm not going to sleep with the 15 year old, why is everyone still so mad? Can someone tell me how exactly having sex with him would harm him? I would never take advantage of him or push him to do something he doesn't want, he'd be safe at all times. I slept with adults when I was a minor and it was just sex like the sex I have nowadays, pleasurable for all parties involved. I agree that an adult with few regards for his wellbeing could potentially harm him but I'm not a lewd rapist that selfishly seeks sexual pleasure with no consideration of the other person's feelings. If I make sure that the guy is comfortable at all times I fail to see how this could harm him.
     
  8. gravechild

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    What the fuck? No. That's predatory behavior (even if legal).

    Chip is right: why bother asking us if you're dead set on doing it, anyway? It sounds like you're looking for confirmation, instead, and are getting upset when it's not forthcoming. Perhaps on some level you know it's wrong...
     
  9. maricamagica

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    Well, I think it's always interesting to get some input even if I don't necessarily agree with it.
     
  10. I'm gay

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    Why? Because this:

    "Well, I didn't want him anyway" is what you're saying here. Perhaps you feel this is all ok because you are terribly immature yourself, and your responses point heavily toward your own immaturity.

    If you feel so assured that this behavior is perfectly fine, and the fine citizens of Germany accept this behavior as normal and rational, then I'd like to ask you to seek the approval of this boy's parents. If they are ok with this arrangement, then go for it.

    I dare ya.
     
  11. Lacayda

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    Since you always mention the different society and culture the others grew up with, I will say sth here as someone who has lived in Germany the entire life. (Btw it's weird to write in English to someone whos mother tongue is the same as your own:lol:slight_smile:

    Even if it's technically legal you should definitely not hook up with this 15 year old boy. He is really young and most 15 year olds don't even have sex with someone of a similar age. I think there is quite a big difference between a 15 and 21 year old, mentally and physically. (Don't get me wrong usually six years are not that much and if he was 20 and you were 26 that wouldn't be a problem at all. )
    With the 17 I personally don't see a problem. As you've said he's just a few month away from beeing an adult and he can speak up for himself (in case his parents accidetally get to know something:icon_redf). Many 17 year old girls have sex with (mostly) men who are 20 or older so there's no reason why you should feel bad about wanting to hook up with that 17 year old boy.:lol:
     
    #31 Lacayda, Feb 19, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2017
  12. Gravity

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    Thread is closed pending staff review.
     
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