American small talk

When most Americans say "Hello! How are you?" and you're just meeting them in passing, they expect a "Good! How are you?" right back. Sometimes you'll get somebody whose probably lonely and really does want to talk to you, but not as often as the former. Can't say for sure cause i was not there obviously but that might be why you got the responses you did.

 

I have always found it interesting to study the greetings of different countries too.

In America, the overused "Hi! How are you?" with a smile isn't really a question. You are expected to say something along the lines of "good" right back. Smiling is big when you meet people too. Everyone always wants you to smile. Hand shake with men and often a hug with women.

I am not terribly fond of our greetings here, especially not asking how someone is if you don't actually care to know. I prefer asking different questions upon meeting, but that is just me.

 

With the "how are you?" I completely agree it's basically say "hello" and not a question. When I ask it genuinely there's a change in tone and often in private.

On the physical greeting part, I always hand shake everyone but I feel it's women amongst themselves who are more prone to hug each other. It's only women first make the move to hug that I reciprocate. But, I feel women are less likely to hug men unless they know you well.

 

I never really got the point of small talk at all to be honest.
I get nervous about going to the store (or even working in one) because you are expected to small and keep up a steady stream of small talk, and I can't speak to people that easily. I just want to buy and get out, which is why self checkout is such a great thing.

Where I live in America people DEMAND this kind of small talk, and if you don't do it then you are considered rude to a damning agree. I've known people to be fired because they were shy, or having a bad day, and didn't tell customers hi. Customers complained and cashier is thus held responsible.

 

Yeah I hate small talk personally, if I'm having a conversation I'd like it to mean something.

In America the "Hi, how are you" really is not asking how you are but just a "friendly" hello. I usually respond with "I'm good how about you" then they say "good" and the formality is over with.

 

I don't think it's generally an EU vs America thing but rather something with culture.
From what British people told me they have a similar situation of impersonal small talk there.


I actually find this sort of Smalltalk really annoying because it's hard if people are just being polite or want an honest answer sometimes. If someone here asks " How are you" they usually do ask about how your day was or how things have been for you if you haven't met in a while. So I'm more used to people actually meaning what they're asking.

Though it generally makes it harder to tell whether someone likes you or is simply being polite....it's impractical.

 

When I was still at school, we were taught to say "How are you? I'm fine. Thank you. and you?"...and it became an automatic response. Now I refrain from asking how are you at all

 

I think the difference is that in America you are expected to at least feign interest, and not doing so is considered standoffish or rude. In my experience it seems that in Europe no one would really expect a waiter or shopkeeper to take any kind of personal interest in you--in America they're supposed to. I'm in private banking and I often joke that I make small talk for a living--clients, colleagues, management. It's actually a very important part of the job. I actually keep notes in client files to make sure that I know the children's names, hobbies, vacations, interests. It's actually my job to know to ask if little Jimmy's team made it to the finals. And when all else fails, yes I talk about the weather--or how little I know about sports, people seem to find that charming. Even in the interoffice environment people who don't do it are mistrusted. Is it fair? Probably not. But it's very real.

I will differ a bit from the other respondents in saying that I actually answer the question how are you and I always answer it honestly, although I may put a bit of spin on it. If I literally have never seen you before it will be one sentence. I would have to have known you for quite some time before I would get really detailed in a negative way with people, but even clients will sometimes get "you know, I've had better, how's your day going?" Unless I know you well I will never go to hug you, I will accept hugs (even at work) from women in almost all circumstances and men only in the event it is an expression of unusual gratitude.

 

In northern Italy, most of the times it's expected to answer just "fine, thanks" to "how are you". I don't care at all, and start talking about my day for five minutes even if nobody cares LOL.
I think in southern Italy the situation is less... cold.

 

We rarely say "how are you?" in the UK, just in case (heaven forbid) somebody tells us the truth and we have to do the touchy-feely sort of thing. :eek: Small talk is not a habit we care to indulge in.

 

That sounds amazing, to be honest. Maybe I should move to the UK.

 

Canada is same way. Sometimes I tell cashiers "good you?" when they say "hi"because I'm expecting them to say how are you.

 

I don't like American small talk either.

 

Italy has a lot of inner differences in climate, economics, society and so on. In the (also recent) past, if taken someone from the very north and someone from the very south, they would have differentiate so much in etnicity (!), language, culture and behaviour that they would have been looking like coming from two different countries.
The common idea of Italy in foreign countries is "southern and central" (Neaples, Rome): warmth, good food, traditions. Northern Italy is less "famous".
So... yes, in the North, they are cooler. It's the same old european story of "north is more efficient/modern/sad/boring/close-hearted" than south. Northern Italy thinks "I'm the best, I'm efficient and rich". Southern: "I have food and beaches and the core of our culture". Southern Germany thinks: "I'm the best, I'm efficient and rich. Those Italian people talk too loud in restaurants and their kids are annoying like little demons." Northern Germany thinks: "No, I am efficient, you're not." Greece replies: "Shut all you up, I have the core of our culture". The rest of Europe: "No, shut you up and go worry about your economy".

Sorry for the frenzy xD (you know, I'm a confusionary Italian human being)

---------- Post added 1st Mar 2017 at 04:35 AM ----------

I didn't want that banana -.- xD I was writing this: !

---------- Post added 1st Mar 2017 at 04:45 AM ----------

The problem in the region I live in is that is difficult to make new friends, exspecially entering in a group of friends. There are these closed "groups" of people, who split the world in "inside here" and "outside there", "we" and "they", men and women, locals and immigrants, old friends and new entries. It's hard to break the wall of little talk, sometimes you wonder if someone really cares abou you. Seems like only your relatives and close friends (but close friendship is a work of years, like five years) care a minimal about you in the world. Sometimes also relatives keep you at a distance.
I joke on it and say it's all fog to blame. Fog and... smog, lol.

 

I hate opening up a proverbial can of worms when I say "How are you?" - some people can be too chatty!!

Granted, when I ask outside of retail scenarios, I do expect more than a generic response...but not a novel. I ask when I do actually care for an answer. Then again, I've always been a bit too literal about things, and I never understood why anyone would ask if they didn't want to know.

 

The insincerity of most "how are you?" questions I find pretty annoying, actually. But at the same time, I don't always feel like talking about how I am to acquaintances or total strangers, so it goes both ways.

 

I find hairdressers in the UK the same with the small talk. For example most are inclined to ask "are you going on holiday this year" it drives me mad. I just want them to shut up and cut my hair haha but I guess it is just part of their job role. As I spend the majority of my day talking to people (work with autistic children) I just sometimes want peace and quiet. But I have to say I love going to the USA and how much they love the British accent. When I went to LA the people in the cafe's could not understand me as although I am from England I am from Birmingham and I have a very strange accent. I don't think it is a very nice one but the people in LA seemed to love it haha.