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New Acceptance= fear that I've been in love with friends subconciously. Anyone else?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by DrummerGirl2000, Feb 16, 2017.

  1. DrummerGirl2000

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    Hello! For those of you that have always accepted that you were attracted to the same sex, this may be difficult to understand. After coming out to myself (which I sort of did twice, I went back in the closet the first time because it didn't go so well) I thought "wow! Suddenly this makes sense! I had a crush on this girl, and this girl, and this female teacher! That's why I was so easily embarrassed around them and loved to watch them so much and put too much self-worth in them!" And this happened both times I began accepting myself (a more mature version the second time, no teachers thankfully lol). Has anyone else experienced something like this when accepting your sexuality? Gone back and reflected and thought you must have had feelings or "been in love with" someone (or more than one person) before you knew you were attracted to the same sex. Like the emotional romantic aspect of the same sex attraction existed before the physical, causing perceived overattachments or idolization of some specific members of the same sex unbeknownst at the time? If this is crazy, feel free to let me know that too, I have some attachment issues so this could be part of that if no one else has experienced it. It may not be related to sexuality. Let me know what you think! Thank you :slight_smile:
     
  2. Sinopaa

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    Re: New Acceptance= fear that I've been in love with friends subconciously. Anyone el

    Well mine's a little different because I was a "man" for 27 years. Society was totally cool with me embracing liking women, but I had this unknown suppression of liking guys going on as well. So I had this weird unknown crush with my best friend for the longest time. That was an awkward conversation when I came out with my gender and then later as pan (I identified as a lesbian for 4 years after my gender come-out). After the "what the hell are we exactly?" phase we're cool with everything now; though it does make some of our movie/dinner "bromance" nights funny to look back on. XD
     
  3. clocky

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    Re: New Acceptance= fear that I've been in love with friends subconciously. Anyone el

    YESSS!! I think I have a crush on my best friend-girl, Ashling, but I don't know. She knows I'm pan, and I told her that I have a crush, and she's totally fine with it even though she's straight, and she hasn't even mentioned it, so I'm actually okay, even though I am in a committed relationship currently with a guy, which I can't remember if I told her about yet, but I KNOW she would be fine.
     
  4. GalleyGirl

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    Re: New Acceptance= fear that I've been in love with friends subconciously. Anyone el

    Yeah, kind of! Especially with movie stars who I'm now suddenly realizing I wan't really just appreciating their beauty objectively. I do wonder now if I had a crush on some of my friends, but I don't think so, the lack of understanding of myself and knowledge they weren't gay, meant it never really went that far. It's more trying to remember if I was just looking at particular girls with admiration or something more.
     
  5. DrummerGirl2000

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    Re: New Acceptance= fear that I've been in love with friends subconciously. Anyone el

    Cool, thanks for your input! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Winter Storm

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    Re: New Acceptance= fear that I've been in love with friends subconciously. Anyone el

    As a grey-ace (biromantic), most of my crushes are romantic first. I have found very few people ellicit a sexual attraction. Most of my crushes are with friends, after delveloping a bond with that person.
     
  7. skittlz

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    Re: New Acceptance= fear that I've been in love with friends subconciously. Anyone el

    Maybe! We were friends since kindergarten, and in 6th grade I finally figured that my fear of her leaving me because she had crushes on other people was kinda weird. But again, I'm not completely sure whether that came from me seriously crushing on her, me not having any other close friend with the same age as me, me being seriously insecure and jealous about everything, or all of the above.
     
  8. Jolly Hermione

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    Re: New Acceptance= fear that I've been in love with friends subconciously. Anyone el

    When I came out to myself, it was quite okay. It was, however, a long way. When I was younger I thought I was asexual, because everyone had a boyfriend I just wasn't all that interested in boys. I had never heard of homosexuality, so I didn't even think about liking girls.
    When I was 17 or 18 I came out as bisexual to my sister and myself. I wanted to be "normal" and even though I knew that I wasn't interested in boys, I still tried.
    Just recently I realised that I'm actually romanticaly attracted to boys and girls, but sexually attracted to girls. I think before I could make this difference, I just was really confused about everything.

    But when I look back I realise how I always had some little crushes on girls and how I never was stunned by men in movies, but almost everytime by the women.
     
  9. Rascal89

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    Re: New Acceptance= fear that I've been in love with friends subconciously. Anyone el

    But how did you know - did you try to be girls also before you knew for sure? because I have not been with a woman before - so can I just know that iam bisexual or do you have to try it first?
     
  10. DrummerGirl2000

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    Re: New Acceptance= fear that I've been in love with friends subconciously. Anyone el

    To Jolly Hermione: Cool, that's totally what I was getting at actually, with the crushes and actresses. I can identify with the confusion as well, I'm just backwards from you; sexually attracted to both but only romantically attracted to women (and also MORE sexually attracted to them lol)

    To Rascal 89: I knew before I had been with a female, but I didn't accept it until I had been with a female. You can just know without trying anything first, I don't think there's any doubt really. Actually being with another female, for me anyways, just validated and confirmed my feelings towards females. Trust yourself.
     
  11. TigerStripes

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    Re: New Acceptance= fear that I've been in love with friends subconciously. Anyone el

    I get that. I took a while to figure myself out, and I definitely think I had guy friends I would have liked to take further, but I just didn't understand what I wanted.
     
  12. DreamonRose

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    Re: New Acceptance= fear that I've been in love with friends subconciously. Anyone el

    Lol I have attachment issues too. I did this actually in a similar way I dated a girl thinking I was doing it for attention and because she was popular. I went back saying I was dumb and wrong and straight. But now I am back and pretty much accepting that I am a straight up homosexual.