1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Friend Suddenly Homophobic?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by natalie1, Feb 13, 2017.

  1. natalie1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2016
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Wow, two posts in one day.
    Anyway, I just posted maybe four hours ago that I am in a bad friendship with the only person i am out to (let's call her K) and i wanted to break away from K. My main concern was that i wouldn't have anyone to talk to because i'm not out to any of my other friends and i would go back into the awful mental state i was in before i came out to K (sorry if that's confusing)
    So i thought that I might tell my one friend (let's call her S) because i thought she would be very accepting and I would be able to talk to her and be myself. So i could break off with K and i would still be able to open up to somebody.
    So S doesn't talk about LGBT+ topics or issues or anything but whenever i talk about it (although i try not to all the time) she agrees with me but doesn't say much else so i thought she would be okay.
    But about a half an hour ago out of the blue she starts texting me about this girl in our grade who is gay (let's call her G). So G posted a picture of her favorite soccer player on instagram with the caption "Wife" and some heart eyes. which is completely fine i mean straight girls do women crush wednesdays all the time.
    But S texted me that G was a pervert and how "it must be hard to be a gay girl bc you can never really be close with other girls or really do anything a normal girl can do, like have sleepovers and stuff without it being awkward and gross" and she kept saying that G was disgusting and wrong.
    This was totally out of character and quite frankly it made me cry bc it was not expected at all and i had not idea where it was coming from. And I was planning on coming out to her but I feel like that's all ruined now.
    So i need some advice, do I still come out to her and hope all those comments were pure ignorance or should i jsut stay closeted and wait it out.
    i would wait it out but it's driving me crazy that my other friends don't know and it's really confusing and i just want to come out to her and have everything be final and okay.
    Im sorry this was more of a rant but just please tell me what you think i should do.
    Thank you - Nat
     
  2. LovelyLex

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2016
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Athens, Ohio
    It's really hard to heard homophobia come from someone you care about like a friend. Maybe just calling your friend out on their ignorance would help. No one will ever change their mind about anything unless challenged. Now, I'm not saying that you should verbally attack her or anything. But studies have shown that when people know LGBT persons, they're less likely to be homophobic. Most of the homophobia does come from pure ignorance. However, some people are fond of staying ignorant so coming put may not necessarily snap your friend of it. Maybe if she realized that she was wrong and that what she's saying is offensive, she'd want to learn about LGBT issues.

    But also keep in mind that you should only come out to someone you trust completely. If you think that she wouldn't respect your privacy and that everyone would learn about your sexuality, then I wouldn't suggest it. It's best to play it safe, especially if you think there would be any ridicule or harassment because of your orientation. But that's your decision. She's your friend and you may find the risk to be worth it. My advice would be to wait for a full member to give you some advice first. They're usually better qualified to help people in your type of situation.

    *hugs*

    No matter what you decide to do, I really hope things go well for you.