to speeddate or not, that is the question????

so a gay events company is doing some gay speedating event in my area and i want to go buttttt at a lot of gay events they take pics and post to social media to promote their events.problem is i am not out to the world and don't wanna be right now. being captured online at a gay event much less a speeddating event is terrifying for me. in general i hate having my picture taken without my permission and posted whether it is gay or straight event. i guess since im in my 40s i just grew up in a time where you go to things but you are not archived in some photo gallery everytime you leave your house. i like my privacy and do not want to be on social media without my consent but at these types of clubs you waive consent when you enter.

should i go or not? im scared. its nerve wrecking enough to go to speeddating, then add gay speeddating on top of that, then add some photographer in your face with a camera or you trying to avoid cameras while you are face to face speeddating with another guy. im not on reality tv and dont want my every second photographed but people dont seem to understand this and some guys seem to get offended and caddy if you ask them to respect your right to privacy.

any advice? not sure what to do. i do want to try it but very scared. i mean living in my bubble definitely hasnt yielded results so i do need to get out there more. help

 

i checked and they said there would be photographers there hut they would respect those that did not want their pic taken. i checked their website and the had pics both candid and posed for all events. in many pics people were not aware they were being photographed. maybe i should pass. this looks like its for out gays. bummer i feel a bit sad because i wanted to go but just feel like they make it non-out friendly

---------- Post added 13th Feb 2017 at 12:03 PM ----------

well its on the fbook page and maybe their ig page so you would only be looking forward it if you are gay and now about the group. i just feel realy scared though my friend said we can leave if i feel uncomfortable. should i just bail now?

 

update: so i went and not only did they have several photographers they had people video taping the thing while you were sitting down with other guys. not the conversations but a roaming camera so they put it into some type of video. i was going to ask the people they hired to video to make sure i was not in the shot but my friend said dont do that since it may sound a bit over the top. i honestly agreed and the more you make a big deal about it they more they purposefully put you in the shot..human nature. i was going to bolt and run out of there but the therapist i have been working with told me i need to fave my fears and do things that frighten me regarding my own sexuality and coming out so that the more i do them the less big of a deal they become. so i stayed there and decided to move forward with the speeddate. i always wanted to try it but never did. so i gave it a shot. i didnt not find myself interested in anyone but i think it was more about me facing this fear. sure i am paniced about where the video is going and who will see it and what may happen but honestly at some point (maybe with the help of booze) i forgot the caneras were there and i was just in the moment of the speeddate. i let all of the anxiety go and i was just there speeddating and i also had to get real with myself. i mean i have been single for soooo long. i whine and moan about never meeting anyone. i long for a great relationship with a guy but am i really ready to tackle being out with this great guy?? what if he wants to do things that nake us look like a couple. am i going to treat him like my best friend in public?? i figured i had better get myself together and get off this decade long sitting on the fence. half in and half out. scared to be outted but if i get real with myself how the hell do i expect to have a relationship while also trying to micromanage who knows i like guys? doesnt seem reasonable. ok someone may see me in the video or pics or whatever but i need to live my life. who knows what tomorrow will bring and im not getting any younger. if i want something new i have to do new things. im scared as hell but also just tired of being scared. i was going to leave when i saw peope taking pictures but i had to ask myself at what point are you going to stop running and stop hiding and stop looking for perfect situations that fit my level of "outness" and avoiding ones that may force me to be more out.

so im not sure what will happen. usually i run back to hiding after anything like this and i get depressed and worried about it. but i am tired of doing that. if someone does see me then damnit yes i was there. im over 40 single for years and sue me for putting myself out there to try and find what you may have....love and a realtionship.