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Four years

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by greatwhale, Feb 12, 2017.

  1. greatwhale

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    Greetings,

    I'd like to share an important personal day with the EC community. Today marks the fourth anniversary of my most important coming out, which was to myself.

    It was on this day, four years ago, that I stopped kidding myself and accepted that I am gay. Everything that has happened since can be traced back to that day, I am grateful that it happened. I am grateful that I was young enough to start over, yet old enough to have learned a few things. I am grateful for this wonderful site, Empty Closets, which I joined on that very same day, and which gave me a voice to share my experience and to learn that I was not alone.

    I have joined our amazing community, both here and in my hometown of Montreal, I still volunteer for our LGBTQ hotline and over time, I have built a network of gay friends and acquaintances that sustains me in countless ways.

    And I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now.

    I love him to pieces, we have so much in common, we get along without effort, we communicate easily, we work well together, whether it be cooking or travelling, we take the good and the bad as they come, with energy and intent...It will be almost a month since his heart attack...I am so grateful that he took care of himself before it happened by exercising regularly, it is making his recovery so much more rapid, and I am grateful that he is taking care of himself now, by having quit smoking. What we both realize is that he is now taking care of himself, not only for himself, but for us, and I am doing the same; for us.

    He told me today that even after the passage of 20 years since his own acceptance of being gay, there isn't a day that he doesn't realize that he is different. It is the same for me. He doesn't look at this not-normal-ness with bitterness, or anger, it is just what is, and he accepts it.

    We yearn for normalization (which is different from being the same as everyone) so that one day we could hold hands wherever we are and enjoy the difference that this represents. But for the moment, anyway, I am grateful for the thought that I actually have a boyfriend who loves me to pieces, who holds me tightly each night and who is there for me in so many wonderful ways.

    I don't think I will ever get over this feeling of "otherness" and I don't really care. The universe has decided to express a different way to love through me, and that is more than enough to bring myself, and everyone who realizes this, to the peace of acceptance and the delight of loving more deeply than I ever thought possible.
     
    #1 greatwhale, Feb 12, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2017
  2. Quantumreality

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    Congratulations greatwhale!:thumbsup: And I wish all the best for your bf!

    I honestly hope that you can find normalization in your lifetime.

    Here is a poem for you that you (hopefully, for my ego (LOL!)) haven't seen before:

    Reason Season Lifetime

    People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
    When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

    When someone is in your life for a REASON,
    It is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
    They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
    Or to provide you with guidance and support,
    To aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.

    They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.
    They are there for the reason you need them to be.
    Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
    This person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

    Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.
    Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
    What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
    The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

    When people come into your life for a SEASON,
    It is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
    They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
    They may teach you something you have never done.

    They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
    Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
    And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall,
    The season eventually ends.

    LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
    Those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
    Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person anyway;
    And put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.

    It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
    Thank you for being part of my life,
    Whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

    Author - Unknown
     
  3. KyleD

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    CONGRATULATIONS!!! I also wish a speedy recovery to your boyfriend. :slight_smile:
     
  4. baristajedi

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    This is such an inspiring post, and I'm so happy for you greatwhale! Thanks so much for sharing. I have a vision for a life like this, finding a woman whom I can share my life with, build our own little family and express our love as openly as we can.

    I'm so happy for you that you are on this path.
     
    #4 baristajedi, Feb 13, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2017
  5. OnTheHighway

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    GW, I will have a glass of wine tonight with dinner and will be thinking about you. Happy anniversary!
     
  6. BMC77

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    Congratulations on four years! And especially congratulations on the progress you've made. I'm frankly envious...but at the same time, I'm truly happy for what you've achieved.
     
  7. looking for me

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    Happy Anniversary pal. glad your BF is doing better as well.
     
  8. Moonsparkle

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    Thank you for sharing your story Greatwhale...

    Reading it, it is so clear to see that four years ago, once you accepted yourself and began living your truth that wonderful and positive things happened!

    You found a community of close friends, began volunteering, met your boyfriend, share a life with him and both of you began focusing on your health, for yourselves and each other. You seem very happy and at peace. And, as you say, everything can be traced back to that day four years ago!

    Congratulations on your anniversary!

    Very inspiring story, and a great reminder that we all need to be true to ourselves...it can lead to beautiful things!
     
  9. I'm gay

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    GW,

    Wonderful post, and thank you for sharing yourself with all of us.

    You responded to my very first post here, and ever since I have enjoyed so much reading your posts. Thank you for continuing to log on here and contribute to this community. It has meant so much to me, and countless others.

    :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  10. WarmEmbrace

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    Congratulations greatwhale!

    I wish all the best for you and your boyfriend:slight_smile: And for the wonderful network of friends that accept you for who you are and can give you that sense of normalisation ! :grin:. Very inspiring post.
    Happy anniversary :slight_smile:
     
  11. greatwhale

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    Thank you very much everyone, from poems to inspiration, I appreciate your responses very much (as does my BF!)
     
  12. Ruprect

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    Congratulations on your anniversary. You have been a powerhouse of wisdom here, I can only imagine how incredibly fortunate people are to have you in their lives.

    Thank you and all the best.
     
  13. TTSP

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    Inspirational story. I came out to myself within a few months of you and also came straight to this site. My life has never been the same. I have not progressed as far as you not even close unfortunately. But I am making progress slowly and I have often found your posts here to be excellent.
     
  14. greatwhale

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    Thank you very much, TTSP!

    You are still quite young, take the time it takes. But be sure to move forward in tiny steps every day, meet other LGBT folk, get involved, make connections, as many and as varied as possible, and build yourself a gay "family"...before you know it, you will be in up to your nostrils in gayness! :grin:
     
  15. OnTheHighway

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    Hmmmm. That certainly brings some interesting images to mind! :roflmao:
     
    #15 OnTheHighway, Feb 23, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2017
  16. greatwhale

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    Oh, it did! It did! :grin: :grin: :grin:
     
  17. Lexington

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    Thanks for the warm fuzzy of the week. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  18. findingjoy

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    congratulations! when i think about the feeling of otherness i compare that with the deep intimacy I can only express and feel with another man- for whatever reason I never felt that with a woman - like you say more deeply than I felt possible... it's a small price.
     
  19. zuice

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    GW,
    Thank you for all your posts and all the best to you and yours.