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Need help with my boyfriend badly

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by djkanan95, Feb 5, 2017.

  1. djkanan95

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    So my boyfriend is a senior in college and in his last semester right now, and he told me that he was planning on working at the school we go to or going elsewhere when he gets out. He told one of my good friends, who then told me, that he is planning on working somewhere about 3 hours away and living up there.

    In short, he will be having apparently a killer job that pays a fair amount, he'll be living 3+ hours away from me, and I'll still be in college when he is gone (I'm a junior now). I just feel like still being with him will not do well for us as I will just be holding him back in some way shape or form. I even told my friend when he told me what my boyfriend said that I was planning on breaking up with him. I just don't want to interfere in his success while I'm wasting my life away at college doing who knows what for myself. I also don't want to be in a state where I get out of college and I'm just holding him back if I were to move in with him.

    I just need help desperately right now. I'm seriously contemplating breaking up with him, and I really don't want to do that.
     
  2. TJ

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    It sounds like you need to talk to your boyfriend. Hearing news from your friends and then reaching conclusions about your relationship without actually talking to your boyfriend isn't the right way to go about it. You'll benefit much more from asking him about his plans, and then telling him how you feel. Then you'll both be on the same page about how you feel, and you won't have to be speculating.
     
  3. FoxEars

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    Talk to your boyfriend, the best thing in any relationship is communication. You don't have to talk about breaking up with him, but talk about how you're going to work around the distance and ask him about your concerns.
    If you're in a great relationship, then your being his boyfriend will not hold him back. I personally don't understand how it would, I could possibly help a little more if you could elaborate on that?
    Good luck.
     
  4. djkanan95

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    I appreciate the advice. And yes, I'll elaborate more. Basically he will be off doing bigger and better things when he graduates and I'll be stuck at school wasting my life. I don't want to be a burden to him when he's doing his own thing in short, I care about him too much for that. Even if I get out of school and he's off killing it in whatever he's doing and I'm sucking it up at whatever I'm doing. It's not going to help me or him if it ever comes to that so I was having drastic thoughts on ending it now to avoid future suffering.
     
  5. AlmostBlue

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    Like others said, you need to talk to him and discuss this. Coming to conclusions on your own (and telling that gossipy friend that you will break up with the boyfriend) is really not cool.

    Why would you repeatedly say that you will be wasting your life in school? It sounds like you have severe self-esteem issues that is really clouding your judgement. Just because your boyfriend has a good paying job, it doesn't mean he will be doing "bigger and better things" in life either. Maybe you are thinking of breaking up partly because you feel bad about yourself in comparison to your boyfriend? What exactly does "holding him back in any shape or form" mean? I think this is just your insecurities talking and there is really no rational way continuing this relationship would result in "holding him back". Either way, the first thing you need to do is ask your boyfriend of his plans and how he sees the future of the relationship. Then tell him your concerns and try to handle it together.
     
  6. djkanan95

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    I thank you for your advice and input. A lot of this may stem from my severe lack of self worth and I just don't want that to be a hindrance to his success in the future, especially if we're still together when I graduate. Mainly I just don't see myself contributing anything to this relationship and I just want what's best for him.
     
  7. resu

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    Don't assume you will be a hindrance in the future. You're not a fortune teller. Also, it may be a good idea to talk to a professional counselor about what you're feeling. Your college may have low-cost counselors who specialize in working with students.

    Ask your boyfriend what he likes about you and your relationship with him. Listen to him carefully rather than harshly judging yourself. Don't let the fear and anxiety of the future cripple you into a premature break-up.
     
  8. sonic1337111

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    You could try and ask him if he is comfortable with doing a long distance relationship and see if you will still be able to talk to him on something like, Skype, Facetime, texting ETC and when you both are able he could go and see you or you can go and see him.
     
  9. djkanan95

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    I appreciate the advice. Unfortunately, the counselors at my school proved to be of little to no help in the matter. I know it's hard to see into the future and a lot can happen in 3 months or so, but I just really don't, like I mentioned with someone else, see myself contributing much to this relationship. We haven't dealt with separation for a long period of time very well so I just don't want that to happen if he moves away from here.
     
  10. AlmostBlue

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    So have you discussed this with him?