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Significantly Older Siblings Relationships

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by BlueBanana, Feb 5, 2017.

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  1. BlueBanana

    BlueBanana
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    I have an older sister who is 11 years older than me, an older brother who is 10 years older than me, and another older brother who is 9 years older than me. All three of them are half-siblings to me. I also have a twin sister.
    Of my older siblings, I'm closest to my older sister. Despite her leaving for college when I was 7, getting married when I was 13, and moving around constantly between being 7 and 14, I have a decently close relationship. She visited every once in a while. It wasn't rare for her to visit, but it wasn't common. We have a lot in common and it's always fun hanging out with her.
    My oldest older brother moved out when I was 8 and rarely visits my parents and I. We had a lot in common as well but it was different than my older sister and I. I really wish we could hangout more often, however recently I'm seeing him more often.
    My youngest older brother didn't move out until I was maybe 10-12, I can't remember. He, unlike my other older siblings, has lived in the same town as I since he moved out and visits quite often. We don't do a lot of stuff together as we're complete opposites but I still love him like a brother and enjoy seeing him when he comes by the house.
    I have wished for a long time that, despite home situations being much more unpleasant when they were kids versus how it is now, that I was born in the 90s like them and was much, much closer to their ages. It's my biggest regret in life, even though I didn't choose it, that our ages are so far apart. We've lived completely different lives. Me growing up had them pretty absent from my life. It, a lot of the time, feels like I belong to a family of 4 rather than 7. If I could rewrite reality so that we could be closer in age, I would do so in an instant. I am a huge modern technology geek but I wouldn't mind giving it up for that. I wouldn't mind having to deal with the unpleasantries they did.
    Does anyone else feel like me, or have you had a different experience with extremely older siblings?
     
    #1 BlueBanana, Feb 5, 2017
  2. CJliving

    CJliving
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    My brother is nearly 16 years older than I am. Like yours, he's my half-brother. Because of his parent situation (his mom's a fing sociopath) he ended up not being around for 10 years, when I was 4 until 14. My sister, full-blooded and 22 months younger than me, and I are super close; she's my best friend. We were always aware that we had a brother, knew his name, what he looked like, heard stories about him, etc; but we didn't have any experiences with him until our teens.

    Being as close as my sister and I are, it was hard. There was a definite sense of loss and like a piece of my life was missing. It was always in the back of my mind that "he's not here". When he finally did start coming around, I was very angry. It took a few years for me to start believing that he was really back, and a long time for me to tell him that I love him. I'm actually really bad at that though, I kinda always assume people just know. It took my sister telling me that he often would mention in passing to her that he felt like I still hadn't forgiven him for leaving. Oops.

    He got married in 2015, and they just had a baby in December! I'm so incredibly grateful to have him in my life. Do I still wish he'd been there when I was a kid? Yeah. Do I have a better understanding of the situation and not hold it against him? Yeah. And hell, he's back now, no use crying over spilt milk, right? :slight_smile:
     
    #2 CJliving, Feb 6, 2017
  3. Aspen

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    My half-brother and half-sister are both over twenty years older than me. My sister has a daughter that's two years older than I am (making me an aunt before I was even born). My parents divorced after only a couple years of marriage and I was shuffled a lot between houses so they became more like two extra pairs of parents than siblings.

    We're not as close now as we were when I was a kid. I only get to see my brother a couple of times a year because he lives down south. My sister still lives in town, but I still only see her a few times a year. I do value the time that I get with them and I still love them.

    I've always thought it was funny, that I could say that I'm an only child (I am my mother's only) but also that I have one brother and one sister. I wouldn't say I ever wished they were closer in age to me. I got the best of both worlds, and they did help raise me. It's always a bit weird to explain to people but it's my normal.
     
    #3 Aspen, Feb 6, 2017
  4. kibou97

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    I have 3 half-siblings and the youngest is about 10 years older than me. We've never lived with each other so as a result, I'm not close to them at all. The last time I even talked to any of them was 2009. My dad was always nothing but a complete ass hat, even when he did live with me. He apparently used to be an extreme alcoholic and did lots of cocaine so his old wife left him and got full custody of their children in Texas. I probably won't ever explicitly come out to them, the most they'll probably get is a Facebook notification whenever I end up in a relationship, not because I have some sort of grudge (I don't) it's just I never talk to them and don't see any need to explicitly tell them.
     
    #4 kibou97, Feb 6, 2017
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